Hey Guys!
Ok, so a bunch of you read my journal (the one that was friends only) and you know what happened between me and Josh, and Chris! damnit! I'm a freakin idiot! Why did I have to be so stupid...why did I chose to do what I did...? Ok so I did it and as I have stated numerous times now I made my bed and now I must lye in it! Ok...so I love Chris, but never in a million life times will I ever love anyone as much as I loved Josh!
Get this: Josh email's me this morning, replying to one of my emails, says that I never loved him, and it sickens him to think that I never loved him and this and that...anyone that knows me, knows that I was/am head over heels in love with that man! I swear I'd move to Afgahnastan with him if he asked me to! Iraq...it doesn't matter...as long as I can be in his arms it wouldn't matter...
So yesterday me and Josh were talking on Jabber he's gonna get Windows certified...and that means that he might get a better job on down the line, which intails moving, cause there isn't shit to do in this big ass hold in KY...
Anyway...he promised me that we'd keep in contact and all this stuff...which I don't know if I believe him or not, but that's what he says...we'll keep in contact...maybe this just wasn't the time for me and Josh...maybe something will happen in the future, and we will have the opportunity to for real be together..how amazing would that be? Ok...so Josh would probably never take me back in a million years, but it's worth a dream I think!
Friday night was almost amazing while I was at Josh's house! (you know..before the drama) Laying there on the couch, just holding each other, and you should have seen his face when I told him that I was for sure staying...he smiled from ear to ear and I fell in love with him all over again, just as I do everytime I see him...I swear I seen his eyes glimmer...God he's beautiful! Anyway, this made me happy because he was happy, and I should have stayed with that...Just knowing that tonight...being Thursday I could have spent this whole weekend with him sleeping side by side...someone shoot me cause I will never get over him. I've loved him more than I thought was humanly possible...and now I've screwed it all up and there is not a damn thing that I can do about it!
So, me and Chris are getting along now that everything is out in the open...I still can't understand why he's keeping me around knowing everything, but whatever floats his boat! I'm glad we're getting along, and I'm getting my computer tomorrow morning before I come into work...Chris called today before he came and picked me up and went ahead and had the internet access added to our phone line...damn dial up! That's what we get for living out in the boonies..but that's a price I will have to pay I guess!
Anyhow...I guess I should find something else to do before I go on a rampage about Josh again...
I LOVE HIM...I CAN'T HELP IT!
Get this: Josh email's me this morning, replying to one of my emails, says that I never loved him, and it sickens him to think that I never loved him and this and that...anyone that knows me, knows that I was/am head over heels in love with that man! I swear I'd move to Afgahnastan with him if he asked me to! Iraq...it doesn't matter...as long as I can be in his arms it wouldn't matter...
So yesterday me and Josh were talking on Jabber he's gonna get Windows certified...and that means that he might get a better job on down the line, which intails moving, cause there isn't shit to do in this big ass hold in KY...
Anyway...he promised me that we'd keep in contact and all this stuff...which I don't know if I believe him or not, but that's what he says...we'll keep in contact...maybe this just wasn't the time for me and Josh...maybe something will happen in the future, and we will have the opportunity to for real be together..how amazing would that be? Ok...so Josh would probably never take me back in a million years, but it's worth a dream I think!
Friday night was almost amazing while I was at Josh's house! (you know..before the drama) Laying there on the couch, just holding each other, and you should have seen his face when I told him that I was for sure staying...he smiled from ear to ear and I fell in love with him all over again, just as I do everytime I see him...I swear I seen his eyes glimmer...God he's beautiful! Anyway, this made me happy because he was happy, and I should have stayed with that...Just knowing that tonight...being Thursday I could have spent this whole weekend with him sleeping side by side...someone shoot me cause I will never get over him. I've loved him more than I thought was humanly possible...and now I've screwed it all up and there is not a damn thing that I can do about it!
So, me and Chris are getting along now that everything is out in the open...I still can't understand why he's keeping me around knowing everything, but whatever floats his boat! I'm glad we're getting along, and I'm getting my computer tomorrow morning before I come into work...Chris called today before he came and picked me up and went ahead and had the internet access added to our phone line...damn dial up! That's what we get for living out in the boonies..but that's a price I will have to pay I guess!
Anyhow...I guess I should find something else to do before I go on a rampage about Josh again...
I LOVE HIM...I CAN'T HELP IT!