(no subject)
This is a crap day and I've only been awake for like four hours of it but that's just the amount of time I needed to surmise how crappy it is.
It's not even like really huge awful things went down.
it's just that feeling, that things aren't okay and you're unsettled and don't know why everything feels so off.
Okay, maybe part of that has to do with staying up til 6am and then going to sleep then waking up nearly twelve hours later. That's always bound to throw you off.
Also it's super hot and stuffy and I feel like I am suffocating in this tiny room I share with my brother.
My mom's getting on my nerves and has A) chided me for things that I am not at fault for and B) had a bustup with me where I once again try to explain why things like Emily wearing a bindi are not okay and how I want to educate the family I have as I would have liked them to partake the wisdom of such stuff about stuff if they were aware of it as I am aware of it now but in HER mind I should go and help people and not criticize or make aware to my stupid family how problematic they can sometimes be and how some behaviors and words are not okay and why is she getting mad that I get mad over it.
I am far from being an eloquent, patient person who can write all these really complicated and deep issues and make people get it. I love reading posts and essays and stuff that makes me think and see things from a different perspective that I've not been aware of before and try to be a better person or a more open person because of it all and I do really want to spread that knowledge to my mom and sisters because I feel like I owe it to them to try to point out how certain things are not alright. I honestly wish I had someone in my life who could've shared this stuff with me when I was younger but it wasn't until I was older that I began to research and look out for discussions online mostly that helped me realize and rethink everything I've thought or didn't think of. I had to find that out on my own and maybe Emily needs to do that as well, by going out and taking college courses and meeting other people and reading stuff to get to the realizations that I've stumbled, and continue to stumble to.
That whole conversation was very frustrating and didn't help.
On top of that I fucked up my itunes library and had to redo the whole. entire. thing.
I am not a happy person.
Luckily I still had all the files on my computer, but I've lost all the stats and things, like the dates added and play counts and also all my intricate and messy playlists.
I am pretty glum about this. Seeing as how I have 17,889 songs, books, music videos, movies and tv episodes on here. that is a lot of shit to go through. more than five years of media I've accumulated.
What I am even more devastated over are the video files. All my tv episodes (Parks and Rec only really. Plus the first series of Black Books) are missing its info and I'll have to organize it all again. I also decided to not only rewatch Buffy (finally) but also put every single episode back into my itunes just because. Luckily I am only up to season 2 so it's not like I have to redo all 144 episodes of that but yeah.
I am trying to look at this itunes blunder as a clean slate, an opportunity to really comb through all of my music so to do some much needed spring cleaning and get rid of all the stuff I no longer listen to.
It's not even like really huge awful things went down.
it's just that feeling, that things aren't okay and you're unsettled and don't know why everything feels so off.
Okay, maybe part of that has to do with staying up til 6am and then going to sleep then waking up nearly twelve hours later. That's always bound to throw you off.
Also it's super hot and stuffy and I feel like I am suffocating in this tiny room I share with my brother.
My mom's getting on my nerves and has A) chided me for things that I am not at fault for and B) had a bustup with me where I once again try to explain why things like Emily wearing a bindi are not okay and how I want to educate the family I have as I would have liked them to partake the wisdom of such stuff about stuff if they were aware of it as I am aware of it now but in HER mind I should go and help people and not criticize or make aware to my stupid family how problematic they can sometimes be and how some behaviors and words are not okay and why is she getting mad that I get mad over it.
I am far from being an eloquent, patient person who can write all these really complicated and deep issues and make people get it. I love reading posts and essays and stuff that makes me think and see things from a different perspective that I've not been aware of before and try to be a better person or a more open person because of it all and I do really want to spread that knowledge to my mom and sisters because I feel like I owe it to them to try to point out how certain things are not alright. I honestly wish I had someone in my life who could've shared this stuff with me when I was younger but it wasn't until I was older that I began to research and look out for discussions online mostly that helped me realize and rethink everything I've thought or didn't think of. I had to find that out on my own and maybe Emily needs to do that as well, by going out and taking college courses and meeting other people and reading stuff to get to the realizations that I've stumbled, and continue to stumble to.
That whole conversation was very frustrating and didn't help.
On top of that I fucked up my itunes library and had to redo the whole. entire. thing.
I am not a happy person.
Luckily I still had all the files on my computer, but I've lost all the stats and things, like the dates added and play counts and also all my intricate and messy playlists.
I am pretty glum about this. Seeing as how I have 17,889 songs, books, music videos, movies and tv episodes on here. that is a lot of shit to go through. more than five years of media I've accumulated.
What I am even more devastated over are the video files. All my tv episodes (Parks and Rec only really. Plus the first series of Black Books) are missing its info and I'll have to organize it all again. I also decided to not only rewatch Buffy (finally) but also put every single episode back into my itunes just because. Luckily I am only up to season 2 so it's not like I have to redo all 144 episodes of that but yeah.
I am trying to look at this itunes blunder as a clean slate, an opportunity to really comb through all of my music so to do some much needed spring cleaning and get rid of all the stuff I no longer listen to.