(no subject)
"I didn't mean to" may be a good start, but it's not an apology, nor is it a change to the behavior being addressed.
I know the feeling...you want to make sure people don't think you did it DELIBERATELY. But a lack of intention does not mitigate the fact that some behavior of yours offended, bothered, troubled, hurt, or inconvenienced someone. "My blackface wasn't meant to be racist" does not address the fact that it WAS. "That rape joke wasn't meant to trigger memories of your sexual assault." Well god, I HOPE not. But if it did, you owe the person more than "but I didn't mean to!"
There are things that can be said and done with the best of intentions, which still cause damage. It would have been better not to do it in the first place, than to apologize afterwards. Defending your intention makes it all about YOU, and disregards the pain that you (inadvertently, yes, we KNOW) caused. Acknowledge your fault, try to change your behavior, and for fuck's sake, don't try to tell the injured party "don't be mad at me, because I wasn't trying to hurt you." If you take your eyes off the road and run over someone's child who ran into the street, "I didn't mean to!" is a pretty pathetic and self-centered reaction.
I know the feeling...you want to make sure people don't think you did it DELIBERATELY. But a lack of intention does not mitigate the fact that some behavior of yours offended, bothered, troubled, hurt, or inconvenienced someone. "My blackface wasn't meant to be racist" does not address the fact that it WAS. "That rape joke wasn't meant to trigger memories of your sexual assault." Well god, I HOPE not. But if it did, you owe the person more than "but I didn't mean to!"
There are things that can be said and done with the best of intentions, which still cause damage. It would have been better not to do it in the first place, than to apologize afterwards. Defending your intention makes it all about YOU, and disregards the pain that you (inadvertently, yes, we KNOW) caused. Acknowledge your fault, try to change your behavior, and for fuck's sake, don't try to tell the injured party "don't be mad at me, because I wasn't trying to hurt you." If you take your eyes off the road and run over someone's child who ran into the street, "I didn't mean to!" is a pretty pathetic and self-centered reaction.