(no subject)
I had a very vivid dream last night about being in a class, where we were required to put on a small play or performance for a project/grade. The first group went on the first day, and it was all extremely low-tech, low-key, casual little skits, so i figured mine didn't have to be spectacular. Suddenly, though, our whole class was on the road, and we were going to perform these pieces in front of a giant audience in a professional theatre. I panicked, of course, and spent the entire time running around finding props and improving my costume, adding new dialogue and effects, before my turn came up. (I was trying to create the effect of pyjamas, using a vinyl black and red bowling shirt and an apron....it was all i could find on short notice! I was going to use a red handkerchief to suggest blood for when my hand was chopped off, and that same kerchief could be tossed out from the wings for the explosion... oh, i had it all figured out!) So I watched my classmates go through with each of their sketches, and after i ran into the dressing room to check my costume one last time, when i came out the audience was cheering....it was over. The program director looked at me and said "oh poor thing, did you just get here?" and i indignantly replied "no, i was here all along!" My teacher tried to tell me that this showcase was for more professional, polished pieces, and that mine probably wouldnt have fit in. I was seething because i had done so much work, only to have it not be shown. they could have told me in advance, or they should have let me perform.
I write about this because it felt very significant when i woke up. I know that some of this was triggered by a conversation about making movies for school yesterday, but the rest...have i been spending too much time rehearsing for a 'performance' that i won't actually be able to give? have i been pressured by 'the teacher' to behave in a certain way, only to discover that it wasnt necessary at all? Socio-cultural commentary, or just performance anxiety? hmmm.... i'm late for work.
I write about this because it felt very significant when i woke up. I know that some of this was triggered by a conversation about making movies for school yesterday, but the rest...have i been spending too much time rehearsing for a 'performance' that i won't actually be able to give? have i been pressured by 'the teacher' to behave in a certain way, only to discover that it wasnt necessary at all? Socio-cultural commentary, or just performance anxiety? hmmm.... i'm late for work.