Rant: reworked and in english
Warning for certain people: If I hear about this rant through parental channels then I WILL kill you. You know who you are.
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This is the extended English version of a rant that I posted earlier in French as to keep it private, but I have decided to actually allow everyone to read it. Plus I have added some more to it.
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Ok this is a rant that is not meant to offend.
It is not pointed at any person or persons,
and
Is just a way for me to get some stuff of my chest so that the straw does not break the Craegus' back.
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So I have been thinking about stuff (which is not a good thing most of the time) and I have come to some conclusions. I hate the fact that I have no social life.
Yes, it is mostly my own fault that this is the case, but the fact that I never seem to be invited to many nights out is also a contributing factor. I know that I probably am not into the scene that most people that I know are in to, but still just the feeling that I have been considered would be nice once in a while. Honestly how hard is it for someone to email, text or call me and say "Hey Craeg we are going out on (insert day here) would you like to go with us?".
Now I don't know how often everyone goes out but it does seem to be on some kind of frequency and perhaps considering asking someone you know if they would like to tag along would be nice.
Yes I could email, text or call and see if anything is happening but it would seem desperate (at least to me).
From this I shall lead into my next point.
As I see it now, the reason that I am single is that I really don't get the chance to meet people that I may be interested in because I don't get out of my house often enough, this is made worse by the fact that even though I love the space I have in my bed, a queen sized bed is very empty when in it by yourself at night (especially in winter).
Added to this is the fact that I have never been an outgoing extrovert and my shyness has limited the amount of times that I have had the courage to even say to someone that I like them (damn my not being able to get the courage to say what I really think and feel).
But on top of this is the feeling that you get when you are shot down in flames. A hit like that is hard for an introvert to get past and the doubt that is left always makes me think that it will always happen (usually by misreading the situation).
I would love to be able to get out and meet new people but I am limited to who I can actually go out with.
This is because at university I have the unfortunate position of only being a psychology major so the people that I became friends with have finished university (as they did a different course to mine and are now somewhere working in law enforcement) and I also lost contact after first year because we were never in the same units. All, no, most of the people that I am in classes with now started the year after me, some the same, but they are all mostly bachelor of psychology students so I have not been in the same units as them all the way through so I have not really gotten close to any of them.
This leaves me with the people that I went to high school with and the friends that I have met through those links (though this is not a bad thing). All of you are great people who I really don't get to see often enough. Once again probably my fault by not wanting to go out as often as you all did (home life also contributed to this in a major way) but now I really think that even though the places you go are not really my thing, I need to make sacrifices and try new things, at least I would be socializing rather than sitting at home watching television, or playing video games, or on the internet.
I am at the moment really on the brink of losing it, either in an explosive outburst (at certain people {if you know me well enough you will know who}) or worse (but not to the extent of hurting myself, I could never do that due to my own fears {once again if you know me well enough you will know what I mean}). It may not come to that as I have felt similar before and have just gotten past it, but the fact that I am sitting here alone in my bedroom really makes me look at my life and see where it has gone down the wrong path (to a certain extent).
If you just read this then please do not take offense, I just needed to put these thoughts down and even though it is not very well written and probably does not cover all of what I want to say it does help in relieving some of the bad feelings I have at the moment.
That is all for now.