The Hobbit: Way too much incest
Title: Brotherly affection (or, How the quest for Erebor traumatized Fili and Kili for life)
Characters/Pairings: The whole company. Every incest pairing you can think of, except Fili/Kili
Summary: Fili and Kili are used to people making weird incest assumptions about them. The company does not give them the "looks" they are used too. They soon find out why, but whish that they did not. Total crack and silliness.
It's a normal thing, that you have to put up with, or fight, peoples assumptions about you. Maybe your mother, who for some reason think you love to dress up in the colour yellow. Or maybe your father think that you will grow up to become a baker just like him, and completely ignore the longing glances you send the older boy who is being thought woodcarving by his father. Or you have probably had some friends who have taunted you with how you were clearly in love with that girl next door, even though you said that you were just friends, and you thought of her as the twin sister you never had.
But if there were one thing Fili and Kili had learned in their life, it was that calming brotherly affection would not stop people from assuming the strangest things.
When you thought about it, it could be seen as rather funny. How many siblings have you met that immediately made you think that they were secret lovers too? Probably not many. But the fact was that Fili and Kili have battled that assumption about them for so many years now. It stared when they were little dwaflings, the older dwarfs around them giving the two a sideways glance, and say something like «attached at the hip those two» A phrase like that took on a whole new meaning as the boys grew older. The look that would be sent in their direction was less fond amusement for the actions of children, and more suspicion about the meaning behind their actions and words.
And you know how at some point you give up on fighting peoples assumptions about you. So you let your mother dress you in yellow, and you don't tell your father that you don't want to be a baker, before it's too late. But Fili and Kili did not want to give up the fight. Because sometimes people make assumptions about you that are so wrong! And not to mention a little nauseating. Because they were brothers, and certainly not lovers!
Fili, and Kili, brothers, and not also secret lovers.
Kili had suggested that they should start to introduce themselves that way. But Fili had pulled a face. And said that that would sound way too much like a suspiciously specific denial, and only make people talk even more then they already did.
So they used this other tactic, that involved flirting with others, and comment on other dwarfs attractiveness. But then people would only talk about how the brothers liked to spice up their love life, by inviting others to join them. This one female dwarf was actually disappointed when she discovered that when she followed Fili up to the rooms at the inn, she would only share the bed with the blond brother, and not get to see him make love to his dark haired younger sibling. The day after Fili was almost rocking in a corner, because of all the things the young maiden(who was no longer a maiden)had said she wanted the brothers to do to each other. Kili did not know if he should feel sympathetic, or just feel relieved that it was not him who had been there.
They did not give up the fight, but they had begin to run out of tactics.
But all thoughts of fighting assumptions were swept away when their uncle announced the quest to reclaim Erebor. They pledged themselves to the quest immediately. Hoping for a wonderful new home, in the kingdom they were heirs to, and some glory and gold to go with it. They knew the dwarfs who would be part of the company of Thorin Oakenshield. Some better then others. Like Balin and Dwalin, who were close to their uncle, and Oin and Gloin who were also of the Durin line. They also had met Dori, Nori, and Ori before. And Bofur, Bifur and Bombur, who were not as high up in social standing as the others, but who were honest, hard-working and dependable.
As they set out for the quest, and first went to find their hobbit burglar, the two brothers began to think. What would they do about the assumptions that the rest of the company would have about them? How would they deal with it if the others gave them those looks, and whispered about «unnaturally close» when they thought Fili and Kili could not hear them?
As it turned out they did not need to worry. It was over a week into their long walk towards Erebor, and no one had whispered anything at all. No one had even given them that «look» This was all they had ever hoped for, to finally be around people who could see them as they were. Just a pair of brothers who had a lot of things in common, and liked to have some fun.
But that was when something strange happened.
They were trying to get some rest in Rivendel, before they would leave the next morning. And if they knew their uncle they would leave early, and have no permission to sleep a little longer. So Fili and Kili decided that the best thing to do would be to not find their beds to late. As they walked along the corridor, towards were they had been given rooms, they heard some strange sounds. And as they rounded the corner they happened upon a sight that they never could have imagined.
Balin with his back against the door-frame to the room he was sharing with Dwalin. And Dwalin pushed against his front. Their arms around each other, and in each others hair, and beard, and all over. And It also looked a little like they were trying to suck each others face off. But on closer inspection it turned out that they were just kissing very enthusiastically.
After some seconds of staring and gaping like fish on land, Kili decided to alert the two brothers to their presence with a cough. And Balin and Dwalin pulled away from each other with a wet pop, that would haunt Fili's nightmares for a long time to come.
And then something really weird happened. When Balin and Dwalin discovered that they were cough, in a very compromising position no less, they did not react like Fili and Kili though they would (and should) do. They did not look alarmed and panicked, they did not even look ashamed. Nor did they beg Fili and Kili to never divulge what they had seen, or ask them to not judge them too much. They just looked, a little sheepish, at the fact that they had been caught snogging like a pair of much younger (and not related) dwarfs.
Dwalin grinned like the cat who had been given way to much cream, with one arm around Balin's shoulders. And Balin gave them a wink before the two turned around, with Balin having one hand on Dwalin's arse, and closed the door behind them. Leaving Fili and Kili to only stare at the door, and try not to think about what was going on on the others side of it. Trying and failing.
Both Fili and Kili had a hard time looking at Balin and Dwalin the next day.
But after a few days they decided that the best they could do was to push the knowledge from their minds, and that was not so easy, when Balin and Dwalin lay down under the same blankets at night. The funny thing about it was the fact that Dwalin was, well a cuddler, and preferred to use Balin's beard a a pillow.
Then, when they had gotten used to that, another strange thing happened.
Oin and Gloin had a quarrel about something. That was not the strange thing. The two of them could be a little grumpy sometimes. And the fact that they bickered like this was nothing new. The whole thing ended with Gloin stalking of into the woods with a huff. And after a few minutes of shifting in his seat, Oin declared that he would go and find him. And walked of in the same direction Gloin had went.
Then Bofur announced that they needed some wood to cook supper, and Fili and Kili offered to go and collect some.
They wandered around for a while, trying to find wood that was not too wet to use. And that was when they saw it.
Gloin was sitting on a fallen tree, and Oin was standing in front of him. His fingers tangled in Gloins thick red hair. They were clearly apologizing each other for the harsh words they had spoken to each other. But it was something in their actions that made both Fili and Kili stop and stare. It was in the way Oin had put his hand under Gloin's chin, to make him look up at him. And in the way Gloin had his fingers pulling on the fastening to Oin's trousers. And both Fili and Kili could clearly see that it was an impressive bulge between the older brothers legs.
It was not hard to hear what they were saying.
Gloin pulled more at the fastening of Oin's trousers, and Fili and Kili could hear when he said.
«I wish to apologize to you brother»
Oin gave a nod, and it was impossible to miss the glint in their eyes.
Kili did not know if he should be impressed or horrified by the fact that Gloin had no problem with taking all of Oin's sizeable cock into his mouth. Fili felt very much disturbed by the fact that Gloin was making soft moans around his brothers cock, and looking like the feel of that hard member in his mouth was about to make him come in his trousers without being touched at all.
Oin came with a hand fisted in Gloin's hair, and Gloin came a few seconds after him. The younger of the two curling a little in on himself as he climaxed before Oin had the chance to help him achieve it.
Fili and Kili walked away with quick steps, as they hard Oin chuckle and say with an affectionate tone.
«always so very sensitive little brother»
Supper was hard to stomach that night.
Wishing for some alcohol to help them with the mental images, Fili and Kili carried on.
And one night when they were trying to find sleep under the stars, Kili and Fili felt the overwhelming urge to scream in frustration and find a nice tree to whack their head against for a couple of times or more.
The reason for this was Dori, Nori and Ori.
It began when Ori complained that he was not at all sleepy, and Kili had felt a sinking feeling in his stomach when Ori had asked Dori.
«Can't you help me become sleepy?»
And Fili's silent pleas to the stars above that this help would involve a nice cup of tea or something was crushed to dust when he heard the way Nori chuckled. And the oldest Ri brother had no problem with taking his youngest brother into his lap, and begin to caress the front of his trousers.
It was very difficult to process the soft and rather innocent facial expression Ori had while nuzzling into Doris beard and having Dori stroke his hard cock. Nori, who was the one on watch, looked over at his two brothers. And after a few seconds he sat down next to Dori. The middle brother caressed Doris braids and muttered something about how Ori always produced so much per-come.
Fili had to gag a little at that. And Kili thought that information about other peoples pre-come was something he could live without.
Ori climaxed with a muffled noise into Doris neck, followed by a yawn. So it looked like orgasm made for one sleepy Ori. Nori gave Ori a soft kiss, before the youngest of the Ri brothers were tucked in, and asleep within the minute. Which left Nori to duck his head into Doris lap, and say that he would like a treat before bedtime. And kili had to wince a little at how cheesy that line was.
Nori gave Dori a sloppy and very enthusiastic blow-job. And when when Nori waked up Bofur for his watch, Fili and Kili's thoughts about how they were the only ones who ever witnessed all this brotherly affection, was chased of by the broad grin and slap on the back Bofur gave Nori. Before Nori went to curl up next to his brothers. And Bofur sat down for his watch.
And Bofur sent a look over to the sleeping Bombur and Bifur that was beginning to become annoyingly familiar to Fili and Kili. And if Kili sobbed a little into his bedroll in frustration, well, he did not think anyone could fault him.
The weirdest thing was the lack of reaction from their uncle and Bilbo.
They said nothing when they saw Dwalin rest his head in Balin's lap. Both with that 'cat who had been given way to much cream' facial expression.
They said nothing about how Oin groped Gloin's arse when they went into the woods to find something for supper.
They looked in a different direction when Dori, Nori and Ori helped each other wash in the river. Their hands lingering in intimate places. Like Dori's crotch. Damn Nori and Ori seemed delighted in the task of getting their oldest brother clean.
And they missed it when Bombur let Bofur have a taste of the stew he was making for supper. Saying that Bofur needed to fill out a little. And Bofur was stroking Bombur's belly appreciatively, with a loving and lust filled look in his eyes. Muttering about how Bombur filled out for the both of them.
It was in Beorn's house it all tilted for them.
Kili was almost sobbing on Fili's shoulder. Saying something Fili could not quit understand, about Bofur, Bombur, Bifur and honey. It was a little hard for Fili to comfort his younger brother when he was trying to forget that he had accidentally walked in on Dwalin riding Balin, for the second time in two days. Dwalin could never get enough of Balin's cock up his arse. Dwalin's own words, not Fili's.
So this was how their uncle and Bilbo found them.
The dwarf king and the hobbit took pity on the traumatized brothers, and led them out into the garden. Bringing with them a jug full of raspberry lemonade, freshly baked bread and butter. But no honey, because it made Kili nauseous.
«But how can you be so, well, how can you ignore it all?»
It was the first complete sentence Kili had made in a while.
Thorin closed his eyes for a while.
«I grew up with Balin and Dwalin, I was a young dwarf when I, ehem, ended up with the knowledge of their relationship»
«How did you learn about it?»
Fili could not stop the question from slipping from his mouth.
Thorin grimaced a little at the old memory.
«I walked in on them kissing and stroking each others erections in the weapons chamber after a lesson one day, we were a little younger then you are now at the time»
Kili and Fili blinked a couple of times.
«The two of them are the least careful»
Thorin actually blushed when he said.
«They, well, they enjoy the thrill of it, they have been caught many times, especially when they were younger»
Fili just shook his head.
«But what about you Mr Baggins, how can you ignore it?»
The hobbit shrugged.
«It happens among hobbits sometimes too, along with other scandals that proper hobbits do not want to talk about, so you learn when to keep your mouth shut and look the other way»
They sat in silence for a while before Kili dared to ask the question that was burning inside him.
«um, uncle, Mr Baggins, do the others think we are, like them?»
The look Thorin and Bilbo gave the two brothers said it all. And both Fili and Kili whimpered quietly. Assumptions were hard to get rid of.
Characters/Pairings: The whole company. Every incest pairing you can think of, except Fili/Kili
Summary: Fili and Kili are used to people making weird incest assumptions about them. The company does not give them the "looks" they are used too. They soon find out why, but whish that they did not. Total crack and silliness.
It's a normal thing, that you have to put up with, or fight, peoples assumptions about you. Maybe your mother, who for some reason think you love to dress up in the colour yellow. Or maybe your father think that you will grow up to become a baker just like him, and completely ignore the longing glances you send the older boy who is being thought woodcarving by his father. Or you have probably had some friends who have taunted you with how you were clearly in love with that girl next door, even though you said that you were just friends, and you thought of her as the twin sister you never had.
But if there were one thing Fili and Kili had learned in their life, it was that calming brotherly affection would not stop people from assuming the strangest things.
When you thought about it, it could be seen as rather funny. How many siblings have you met that immediately made you think that they were secret lovers too? Probably not many. But the fact was that Fili and Kili have battled that assumption about them for so many years now. It stared when they were little dwaflings, the older dwarfs around them giving the two a sideways glance, and say something like «attached at the hip those two» A phrase like that took on a whole new meaning as the boys grew older. The look that would be sent in their direction was less fond amusement for the actions of children, and more suspicion about the meaning behind their actions and words.
And you know how at some point you give up on fighting peoples assumptions about you. So you let your mother dress you in yellow, and you don't tell your father that you don't want to be a baker, before it's too late. But Fili and Kili did not want to give up the fight. Because sometimes people make assumptions about you that are so wrong! And not to mention a little nauseating. Because they were brothers, and certainly not lovers!
Fili, and Kili, brothers, and not also secret lovers.
Kili had suggested that they should start to introduce themselves that way. But Fili had pulled a face. And said that that would sound way too much like a suspiciously specific denial, and only make people talk even more then they already did.
So they used this other tactic, that involved flirting with others, and comment on other dwarfs attractiveness. But then people would only talk about how the brothers liked to spice up their love life, by inviting others to join them. This one female dwarf was actually disappointed when she discovered that when she followed Fili up to the rooms at the inn, she would only share the bed with the blond brother, and not get to see him make love to his dark haired younger sibling. The day after Fili was almost rocking in a corner, because of all the things the young maiden(who was no longer a maiden)had said she wanted the brothers to do to each other. Kili did not know if he should feel sympathetic, or just feel relieved that it was not him who had been there.
They did not give up the fight, but they had begin to run out of tactics.
But all thoughts of fighting assumptions were swept away when their uncle announced the quest to reclaim Erebor. They pledged themselves to the quest immediately. Hoping for a wonderful new home, in the kingdom they were heirs to, and some glory and gold to go with it. They knew the dwarfs who would be part of the company of Thorin Oakenshield. Some better then others. Like Balin and Dwalin, who were close to their uncle, and Oin and Gloin who were also of the Durin line. They also had met Dori, Nori, and Ori before. And Bofur, Bifur and Bombur, who were not as high up in social standing as the others, but who were honest, hard-working and dependable.
As they set out for the quest, and first went to find their hobbit burglar, the two brothers began to think. What would they do about the assumptions that the rest of the company would have about them? How would they deal with it if the others gave them those looks, and whispered about «unnaturally close» when they thought Fili and Kili could not hear them?
As it turned out they did not need to worry. It was over a week into their long walk towards Erebor, and no one had whispered anything at all. No one had even given them that «look» This was all they had ever hoped for, to finally be around people who could see them as they were. Just a pair of brothers who had a lot of things in common, and liked to have some fun.
But that was when something strange happened.
They were trying to get some rest in Rivendel, before they would leave the next morning. And if they knew their uncle they would leave early, and have no permission to sleep a little longer. So Fili and Kili decided that the best thing to do would be to not find their beds to late. As they walked along the corridor, towards were they had been given rooms, they heard some strange sounds. And as they rounded the corner they happened upon a sight that they never could have imagined.
Balin with his back against the door-frame to the room he was sharing with Dwalin. And Dwalin pushed against his front. Their arms around each other, and in each others hair, and beard, and all over. And It also looked a little like they were trying to suck each others face off. But on closer inspection it turned out that they were just kissing very enthusiastically.
After some seconds of staring and gaping like fish on land, Kili decided to alert the two brothers to their presence with a cough. And Balin and Dwalin pulled away from each other with a wet pop, that would haunt Fili's nightmares for a long time to come.
And then something really weird happened. When Balin and Dwalin discovered that they were cough, in a very compromising position no less, they did not react like Fili and Kili though they would (and should) do. They did not look alarmed and panicked, they did not even look ashamed. Nor did they beg Fili and Kili to never divulge what they had seen, or ask them to not judge them too much. They just looked, a little sheepish, at the fact that they had been caught snogging like a pair of much younger (and not related) dwarfs.
Dwalin grinned like the cat who had been given way to much cream, with one arm around Balin's shoulders. And Balin gave them a wink before the two turned around, with Balin having one hand on Dwalin's arse, and closed the door behind them. Leaving Fili and Kili to only stare at the door, and try not to think about what was going on on the others side of it. Trying and failing.
Both Fili and Kili had a hard time looking at Balin and Dwalin the next day.
But after a few days they decided that the best they could do was to push the knowledge from their minds, and that was not so easy, when Balin and Dwalin lay down under the same blankets at night. The funny thing about it was the fact that Dwalin was, well a cuddler, and preferred to use Balin's beard a a pillow.
Then, when they had gotten used to that, another strange thing happened.
Oin and Gloin had a quarrel about something. That was not the strange thing. The two of them could be a little grumpy sometimes. And the fact that they bickered like this was nothing new. The whole thing ended with Gloin stalking of into the woods with a huff. And after a few minutes of shifting in his seat, Oin declared that he would go and find him. And walked of in the same direction Gloin had went.
Then Bofur announced that they needed some wood to cook supper, and Fili and Kili offered to go and collect some.
They wandered around for a while, trying to find wood that was not too wet to use. And that was when they saw it.
Gloin was sitting on a fallen tree, and Oin was standing in front of him. His fingers tangled in Gloins thick red hair. They were clearly apologizing each other for the harsh words they had spoken to each other. But it was something in their actions that made both Fili and Kili stop and stare. It was in the way Oin had put his hand under Gloin's chin, to make him look up at him. And in the way Gloin had his fingers pulling on the fastening to Oin's trousers. And both Fili and Kili could clearly see that it was an impressive bulge between the older brothers legs.
It was not hard to hear what they were saying.
Gloin pulled more at the fastening of Oin's trousers, and Fili and Kili could hear when he said.
«I wish to apologize to you brother»
Oin gave a nod, and it was impossible to miss the glint in their eyes.
Kili did not know if he should be impressed or horrified by the fact that Gloin had no problem with taking all of Oin's sizeable cock into his mouth. Fili felt very much disturbed by the fact that Gloin was making soft moans around his brothers cock, and looking like the feel of that hard member in his mouth was about to make him come in his trousers without being touched at all.
Oin came with a hand fisted in Gloin's hair, and Gloin came a few seconds after him. The younger of the two curling a little in on himself as he climaxed before Oin had the chance to help him achieve it.
Fili and Kili walked away with quick steps, as they hard Oin chuckle and say with an affectionate tone.
«always so very sensitive little brother»
Supper was hard to stomach that night.
Wishing for some alcohol to help them with the mental images, Fili and Kili carried on.
And one night when they were trying to find sleep under the stars, Kili and Fili felt the overwhelming urge to scream in frustration and find a nice tree to whack their head against for a couple of times or more.
The reason for this was Dori, Nori and Ori.
It began when Ori complained that he was not at all sleepy, and Kili had felt a sinking feeling in his stomach when Ori had asked Dori.
«Can't you help me become sleepy?»
And Fili's silent pleas to the stars above that this help would involve a nice cup of tea or something was crushed to dust when he heard the way Nori chuckled. And the oldest Ri brother had no problem with taking his youngest brother into his lap, and begin to caress the front of his trousers.
It was very difficult to process the soft and rather innocent facial expression Ori had while nuzzling into Doris beard and having Dori stroke his hard cock. Nori, who was the one on watch, looked over at his two brothers. And after a few seconds he sat down next to Dori. The middle brother caressed Doris braids and muttered something about how Ori always produced so much per-come.
Fili had to gag a little at that. And Kili thought that information about other peoples pre-come was something he could live without.
Ori climaxed with a muffled noise into Doris neck, followed by a yawn. So it looked like orgasm made for one sleepy Ori. Nori gave Ori a soft kiss, before the youngest of the Ri brothers were tucked in, and asleep within the minute. Which left Nori to duck his head into Doris lap, and say that he would like a treat before bedtime. And kili had to wince a little at how cheesy that line was.
Nori gave Dori a sloppy and very enthusiastic blow-job. And when when Nori waked up Bofur for his watch, Fili and Kili's thoughts about how they were the only ones who ever witnessed all this brotherly affection, was chased of by the broad grin and slap on the back Bofur gave Nori. Before Nori went to curl up next to his brothers. And Bofur sat down for his watch.
And Bofur sent a look over to the sleeping Bombur and Bifur that was beginning to become annoyingly familiar to Fili and Kili. And if Kili sobbed a little into his bedroll in frustration, well, he did not think anyone could fault him.
The weirdest thing was the lack of reaction from their uncle and Bilbo.
They said nothing when they saw Dwalin rest his head in Balin's lap. Both with that 'cat who had been given way to much cream' facial expression.
They said nothing about how Oin groped Gloin's arse when they went into the woods to find something for supper.
They looked in a different direction when Dori, Nori and Ori helped each other wash in the river. Their hands lingering in intimate places. Like Dori's crotch. Damn Nori and Ori seemed delighted in the task of getting their oldest brother clean.
And they missed it when Bombur let Bofur have a taste of the stew he was making for supper. Saying that Bofur needed to fill out a little. And Bofur was stroking Bombur's belly appreciatively, with a loving and lust filled look in his eyes. Muttering about how Bombur filled out for the both of them.
It was in Beorn's house it all tilted for them.
Kili was almost sobbing on Fili's shoulder. Saying something Fili could not quit understand, about Bofur, Bombur, Bifur and honey. It was a little hard for Fili to comfort his younger brother when he was trying to forget that he had accidentally walked in on Dwalin riding Balin, for the second time in two days. Dwalin could never get enough of Balin's cock up his arse. Dwalin's own words, not Fili's.
So this was how their uncle and Bilbo found them.
The dwarf king and the hobbit took pity on the traumatized brothers, and led them out into the garden. Bringing with them a jug full of raspberry lemonade, freshly baked bread and butter. But no honey, because it made Kili nauseous.
«But how can you be so, well, how can you ignore it all?»
It was the first complete sentence Kili had made in a while.
Thorin closed his eyes for a while.
«I grew up with Balin and Dwalin, I was a young dwarf when I, ehem, ended up with the knowledge of their relationship»
«How did you learn about it?»
Fili could not stop the question from slipping from his mouth.
Thorin grimaced a little at the old memory.
«I walked in on them kissing and stroking each others erections in the weapons chamber after a lesson one day, we were a little younger then you are now at the time»
Kili and Fili blinked a couple of times.
«The two of them are the least careful»
Thorin actually blushed when he said.
«They, well, they enjoy the thrill of it, they have been caught many times, especially when they were younger»
Fili just shook his head.
«But what about you Mr Baggins, how can you ignore it?»
The hobbit shrugged.
«It happens among hobbits sometimes too, along with other scandals that proper hobbits do not want to talk about, so you learn when to keep your mouth shut and look the other way»
They sat in silence for a while before Kili dared to ask the question that was burning inside him.
«um, uncle, Mr Baggins, do the others think we are, like them?»
The look Thorin and Bilbo gave the two brothers said it all. And both Fili and Kili whimpered quietly. Assumptions were hard to get rid of.