[picspam] Stewart & Colbert: Part 2
Remember that Stewart/Colbert picspam I made a while ago?
Remember how that was supposed to be part 1 of a series of picspams?
Well, I bring you PART TWO!!!!
This one has been a long time coming.
I have actually started working on it not too long after completing Part 1, but I have been taking my time, with everything that's happened and everything I've been doing... so this took a loooooooong time. But I also didn't want to just stop doing this because, quite frankly, these two have helped me get through some of my really bad days, and I love them for it. :)
The problem with that, of course, is that today, when I sat down to look at the complete picspam, I thought "Oh! Great! It's finally done!", but then I watched a clip I had not watched before and went "AWWWW! I should have included that one!"... But there was NO WAY I was going to change this picspam now to fit this clip right with the others!
(I could have simply added it at the end and made it clip #21, but that wouldn't have fit with the chronological order I went with, and I couldn't have that ... And I know it's sad that I should care about something like this, but... but... OH, SHUT UP! XD)
Oh well! Here it goes, TA DAAAAAA!!!
PART 2: THE DAILY SHOW YEARS!((By "The Daily Show Years" I obviously mean Stephen's Daily Show years... Because, of course, Jon is still the host of TDS and the show is still running))
Looking back on it now, this should have probably been Part 1 instead of the Toss... And the Toss should have been Part 2... It would have been right, chronologically. But who really cares about this stuff anyway, huh? :P
NOTE: Again, I've added links to all these videos. However, a couple of these moments are not available on the Daily Show website, so you won't find links for those, unfortunately.
Once again, the links are more for future reference than anything, but I guess they might interest some people too, if you want to watch them (and I reccomend you do, because they're awesome!). ♥
But first, let me start off with this little quote from an interview where Colbert mentions how much he loves it when he makes Jon laugh:
A goal of Colbert while working as a correspondent on "The Daily Show" -- one of his "greatest joys" -- was whether he could make Stewart laugh in the middle of a segment. One that comes immediately came to his mind was when Barack Obama first began receiving national attention.
"I knew the piece was good if he couldn't look at me when we were at the desk together," Colbert recalls. "We did much (fewer) green screen segments then. The highlight was when we were covering the Democratic convention in 2004, and I did a piece on Obama being the son of a goat farmer and I said I was the son of an Appalachian turd miner. Jon couldn't look at me for the entire thing."
That segment he mentioned was not actually added to this Top 20... but the point still stands: one of Stephen's greatest joys was (and I guess still is) when he could make Jon laugh! You can actually see it in his face, whenever he gets Jon to laugh, he just smiles because he's so happy. And that's pretty much one of the main reasons why I love watching them together so much, and one of the main reasons why I decided to start this little picspam project in the first place. ♥
January 26, 2000: "What do you think of Jon Stewart? Everyone describes him as pixyish and elfin, but isn't that just sort of a code word for fey?"
September 19, 2000: "What was THAT?" - "Violence, Jon. On TV!" - "Well, it really hurt..."
March 7, 2001: "Stephen, stay warm. OK, buddy?" - "OK... How?"
October 30, 2001: "Am I scaring you, Jon? Am I scaring you?"
October 31, 2002: "I don't wanna be a nitpicker, but it looks like you took one of those dorm room date rape scenarios and just changed "date rape" to "vote"." - "Pretty much yeah, but it's a 3-hour show, we got a lot of time to fill."
July 24, 2003: "Thank you, Jon." - "Wise. Nicely done." - "Jon, I accept your praise!" - "No, don't stare at me."
August 21, 2003: "Even when a politician loses his job, he can still go home." - "He can now, Jon. He can now... Jon."
September 16, 2003: "That was not going for your face, by the way. Lower." - "Let the pandering begin."
August 30, 2004: "But Stephen, this is an inappropriate attire--" - "OH, COME ON, JON! It's a clip show! Pick up the line and phone it in! RRRRING! RRRRING! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a drawstring that need synching."
You might notice that the basic rule that was used for the Toss is still in play here: my favorite moments are usually the ones where they either crack each other up, or something doesn't go according to plan (or both), however, you'll find that those things rarely actually happened back when Colbert was on the Daily Show. Colbert in particular only got to really, actually lose it in very few moments; and Jon, who pretty much NEVER gets to keep a straight face around Colbert now, used to do a pretty good job of holding it back when they worked together. I mean... comparatively. Because you'll see that he does actually lose it quite a lot in this Top 20 too. XD
November 12, 2003: "Don't you want to glorify the Lord, Jon?" - "S-Sure... I-I just don't have time. We have to go to a commercial." - "Oh! OK! My apologies to God. Evidently, we had to bump Him!"
December 1, 2004: "This is actually not a good time for me to do this, Jon. Just took a vow of silence. OH, FISH!!! Fine..." - "ACTING!"
January 26, 2005: "I'm too fast for you, old man!"
March 9, 2005: "Oh... Oh... She needs some forgiveness..."
April 18, 2005: "I'm sorry, I forgot to unswallow my tongue and re-engage my limbic system."
September 26, 2005: "Hmmm... THAT's debatable!"
OH, This Week in God! From 2003 to 2005, this was Colbert's solo segment on The Daily Show (and one of the best!), and best of all, they always managed to add some sort of cute little moment between him and Jon in them, particularly once they went to the commercials. You can't see it on the clips on the TDS website (boo!), but before they cut to commercials, you could always see the two of them playing around with the props or high-fiving each other.
There are a couple of TWiG moments on the actual Top 20, but that was such an awesome segment that I felt it needed some recognition. XP
JORDAN'S ABSENCE (February 8, 1999)
I have decided to list this moment for a very simple reason: this was Stephen's first desk segment with Jon. Before this one, he'd done reports and at the end he would usually close it with Jon, but if the TDS website is to be believed, this was the first time he did a whole piece with Jon. There's actually nothing special in this one, not one giggle or even a chuckle by either of them, it's just here for history's sake.
Also, JUST LOOK AT HOW YOUNG THEY WERE!!!! Look at Jon in particular, he looked way too young back then. Just look at his hair!
OK, NOW ON TO THE ACTUAL LIST!
(click the pictures to watch the videos)
Jon: Stephen, that's enough!
Stephen: Colbert is not my real name, Jon.
Jon: It's not?
Stephen: Do I look French to you?
Jon: WHAT?
Stephen: DO I LOOK FRENCH? ... Daddy?
I am absolutely, 100% sure that if they were to reenact this scene now, they wouldn't be able to do it without cracking up 5 or 6 times. Specially Jon. Oh, how the times change! Still, a Daily Show soap opera! What's not to love about this scene?
And I'll admit that the first time I watched this, I thought that the big reveal at the end would be that Stephen would turn out to be Lila... But I suppose it was still too early for them to be comfortable doing slashy scenes together. They got over that pretty quickly, though... and in a way that even my mom, who does not really watch The Daily Show (only when she happens to be in the room when I'm watching it), often remarks that it is probably "the gayest show on television" (her words, not mine!).
Granted, it's not just because of Jon and Stephen... but they play a huge part in that, no doubt!
Stephen: It is clear from these calculations that 100% of America is white, male, in the mid-thirties and works in TV. Let's get a government to represent those people!
Jon: Everyone in the world is white and working in TV? So there's no minorities, no--
Stephen: HEY! I'm just going with the numbers, man! They don't lie!
PROP FAILURE!!!! Ha! Oh, how I love these moments that catch them by surprise. The soda and the calculator... And I don't know about you guys, but I got the feeling that Jon might have played a little prank on Stephen with that second soda. If he wasn't the one who did it, he at least knew it would happen, just... The look on his face says it all! Besides, there would be no other reason for him to offer Stephen that soda in the first place. Oh, boys!
And MAN was Jon good at keeping a straight face around Stephen back then!
Stephen: Jon, I've been sitting here for a couple of days now. My ass is numb... And I miss my family!
Jon: Well, Stephen, you are a presidential historian. Do you have any news? I mean, you've covered every campaign since, I don't know, Johnson/Goldwater, whatever... Have you seen anything like this befor--
Stephen: Hold on, Jon! I'm getting some breaking news here. From my wife! It seems that my little girl just took her first steps. Again, little Sally just took her first steps. And I wasn't there. Thank you very much.
Indecision 2000!!! What a crazy election that was, huh? I'm not American and even I was getting impatient here!
This is actually the second election night special. The first one was good, but this one was just so much better! It was so hilarious, watching them all looking tired. Plus, Jon with rolled-up sleeves and without a suit looked pretty good. ;)
LOL poor Stephen, though! Being kept away from his family. Heee! Don't you worry, though, because, as it turned out, little Sally's first steps were just - as everything else that night - too close to call. XP
Jon: Stephen, are there alternatives for us who don't believe in violence?
Stephen: Yeah, I think I got something for you down here, Jon. Yeah, I think this might be nice on you. Pretty little ballet dress, maybe some frilly panties! "Oooh I'm Jon Stewart! I'm Jon Stewart, I'm a pretty little girl"...
Jon: SHUT UP!
Heee! See? They're already becoming more comfortable around each other. :) I'm telling you, it's really weird watching shows from 1999 or 2000, Jon was just much more serious back then. Nowadays, he can't go through one episode without giggling at some point... And I love him for it, really. He looks a lot more at ease now, and he seems to be having a fantastic time hosting the show. Keep at it, Jonny Stew! *fist bump*
But this one was a nice little moment, particularly the end, when they go to commercials, you can still see them playing around. You see, they're like little children, really...
Jon: OK, uh... Why don't I just skip that question? That's just, uh...
Stephen: I'm sorry. No, Jon, don't skip any questions. I'm a journalist, let's just get to the heart of it. What were you asking?
Jon: I was asking about the death of... your, uh...
Stephen: My what?
Jon: Your cat.
Stephen: OK, I got a lot of cats. Which cat, Jon?
Jon: Mr. Whiskers.
*Stephen faints*
Heeee! Aw, poor Mr. Whiskers! Bad Stephen!
I just... I don't really have anything to say this time, really. Or any time, for that matter! At least nothing that sounds vaguely meaningful, it's just pure, fangirly squee. If they laugh, I love it. If they cry, I love it. If they start hitting each other for no real reason whatsoever, I love it!
Singin' Senators singing: Elvira, my heart's on fire, Elvira...
Stephen: My heart's on fire too, guys. My heart's on fire too...
Jon: Your lighter's not. *chuckles*
Stephen: WOULD YOU SHUT UP!
THE GIGGLE! The Jon Stewart giggle is finally here! XD Oh, how I love his giggle.
This is yet another cute and silly moment where you realize they're nothing but 10-year olds trapped inside the body of two grown men. And the best part of it is that when the camera starts panning away, you can see the two of them still laughing and teasing each other through the studio monitor. ADORABLE!
(And here's another thing that is really adorable: the look on Jon's face on that third cap. He just looks like he's going "Awwww" at Stephen and his lighter XD)
Jon: Well, Reverend, I can't tell you how much more entertaining this was than I thought it was going to be... when the real one was showing up.
I'm not gonna lie, I will forever be grateful to Al Sharpton for NOT showing up that day. Because if he had, we never would have gotten this. Fellow TDS fans (I know you're out there, somewhere!) will agree that this was just one of the best moments between them. They were just having so much fun, Jon was laughing so much... I just... I love it!
Plus, it's the closest we've ever got to a real interview between them, which is something that I still wish will happen at some point, either one of them interviewing the other...
Yeah, go ahead! Call me an insufferable fangirl if you want. I DON'T CARE! XD
Jon: Do you really think ads like that are going to be more effective than the traditional ads?
Stephen: Oh no, Jon. They won't be effective at all. *WINK*
Jon: Alright. So they won't be... So they won't be effective at all?
Stephen: Not at all, Jon. *WINK*
*Jon double-takes and Stephen winks at him once more*
Jon: Are you coming onto me in a sexual way?
Stephen: Not at all, Jon! *WINK*
Seriously, how can they complain about disturbing fanfiction when they have been fueling the fangirls with scenes like THAT for 5 years? (I'm only counting the TDS years here; let's not forget that the slashiness is still happening to this day!) Surely they must have known what they were getting into. (And I'm pretty sure there must be at least a dozen fics that start with those very words...)
Stephen: Jon, the skaters themselves will be fine. The real victims are the fans here, the little boy who dreams of nothing more than being out there on the ice, free of judgment, able to wear his unitard and not have to worry about all those jocks on the football team, taunting him, making fun of the way he runs. No, it's just him and the music and when you hit the ice it's like you're flying! *starts dancing and singing Cher's "Believe"*
Jon: Stephen! STEPHEN!
Stephen: I'M FLYING, JON! YOU CAN'T JUDGE ME NOW! I'M FLYING!
Remember what I said back in Part 1 about how I love it when Colbert dances? Well, he not only dances in this clip, he also sings! How - HOW, I ASK YOU - can I not love this clip? HOW???
Once again, though, the dudes over at the TDS website decided to cut this clip way too short (boooo!!), because right as they cut to the commercials, you could see (and hear!) Jon breaking down laughing on his desk. It's adorable! You can tell he loves it when his buddy starts dancing... and Colbert loves to dance, so it's pretty much a win-win situation. XD
Jon: Can I see that back up for just a second? Stephen, just out of- *laughs* Just out of curiosity, a) I had no idea you were in that good a shape; and b) why aren't you wearing a shirt?
Stephen: It just felt right, Jon.
HAHAHA! OH, that TA-DA Ballot... I think what I love the most about it is the look on Stephen's face in that picture. LOL! Also, how neither of them could hold back their laughter when they saw it, not even Stephen himself. XD
I really wish he had done it live, though, instead of showing a picture. hehehe Oh, it would have been fabulous! You just know he would have been up for it. :P
Stephen: Sounds like these "generals" of yours may be a little light in the combat boots, if you know what I'm saying.
Jon: I don't think I know what you're saying.
Stephen: I'm saying they're queers, Jon. They're Hitler-loving queers. *does silly hand gesture*
Jon I'm perplexed. *tries not to laugh*
Stephen: Do I need to do the gesture again?
Jon: Please don't. My feeling is this, though, Stephen, and I may not look at you when I ask this...
Remember that thing about Stephen being all proud whenever Jon could NOT look him in the eye during a segment? Well, here you have it! You can clearly see him all happy when Jon mentions he can't look at him. :D It's adorable! *hugs them both*
Jon: I can't believe it! He got out "Barzas Ibrahim al-Hasan al-Tikriti" and "Abd al-Baqi Abd al-Karim Abdallah al-Sadun" and tripped on the word "urn"...
*starts laughing then looks at Stephen off-camera*
Jon: Ah, I see it- Hey! Heeey! I think our correspondent in Baghdad just gave me the finger!
LOL! Oh, I wish we could have seen Stephen's reaction when Jon poked fun at him. XD
Of course he had to mention Stephen's slip! I mean, LOOK AT THOSE NAMES! I had to listen to the clip a couple of times so that I could try and get as close as possible to the actual spelling, to then google them and get them right, because holy crap! I can really see the writers gathered around a computer, trying to find the most complicated terrorist names to try and get Stephen to crack, only to them get all shocked when the word he tripped on was "urn". LOL I love you, Stephen. Don't ever change! ♥
Jon: Stephen, I have to tell you, that story, or what I heard of it, all sounds... pretty gay.
Stephen: Not gay, Jon, aristocratic. It's a different culture than ours.
Jon: And what's different about it?
*Stephen loses it COMPLETELY and Jon soon follows*
Stephen: You know... *cracks up again* Mainly... *cracks up AGAIN* Mainly how gay it is. Jon?
If you can only watch one clip from this list, make it this one.
This is it, people: Stephen's moment of glory, his greatest hit, his 'magnificent octopus' if you will (KUDOS to whoever guesses where that one came from. *wink wink*). You can go around and ask fans what was Stephen's greatest moment back from when he was on TDS, and I bet 8 out of 10 fans will tell you it's this one... and that's because the other 2 have probably never seen it. TRUE STORY!
I have never seen Stephen lose it quite like this, not even on his own show (there have been a few moments that have come close, but I think this one still wins). I mean, he was laughing so hard he was crying! Just look at that man's face! He really couldn't keep it together, the poor guy.
My favorite part about this, though? How you can hear Jon laughing throughout the whole thing, and you can actually hear him banging on his desk at one point, which he only ever does whenever he's laughing really, really hard. Aw! Gotta love 'em! ♥
Stephen: Look! We don't need to get physical about this because we're disagreeing. Now I'm gonna sit down, and I'm gonna say "Jon" and throw back to you. Can we do that without this getting ugly?
Jon: ... I think so.
*Stephen slowsly sits down*
Stephen: Jon?
This one is not nearly as epic as the banana clip, but I really like it. I actually love it whenever they get more... physical (No! No! Take those slash goggles off, that is NOT what I meant by that. Shame on you for thinking that! *points accusingly* :P).
I personally love the fact that they get to move around quite a bit because it means more usable clips in an eventual Jon-Stephen fanvid. Well, I mean, a second one. What? Don't judge me! *blushes*
Jon: I'm sorry, Stephen. What is that?
Stephen: It's my healing crystal, Jon. It may just look like a rock, but it actually brings with it an alignment of my center and heals my heart chakra.
Jon: Really?
Stephen: Yes, and it also refracts your cynicism into a harmless rainbow of tolerance. Oh! And it also cured me of diverticulitis. Yeah, but you don't wanna know where I had to stick it. Actually, I had to get another healing crystal to repair that damage. Let me explain, the sphincter--
Jon: Actually, no, no, t-that would be fine!
I told you there would be more TWiG moments in this spam. ;) No real reason why I like this one, I guess I just find it really cute that Stephen would get a healing crystal to deal with Jon's cynicism. XD
Stephen: Thank you, Jon. This is a crucial week for the democrats, as they gather--
Jon: I'm sorry! Stephen, Stephen, Stephen, Stephen!
Stephen: I'm doing this... thing.
Jon: Yeah, I know. I'm just introducing, actually, everybody who's covering it, so...
Stephen: What about my report? I got a report to...
Jon: We're gonna get to your report later.
Stephen: Oh, OK. *angry* We'll get to it later!
(Later...)
Jon: Alright, we're gonna turn now to Stephen Colbert. Stephen, what do you have for us--
*Jon turns and Stephen is sat down on the floor, looking miserable*
Jon: Stephen? Is it- STEPHEN!
Stephen: Oh, you have time for me now?
How adorable is pouty!Stephen, huh? HE'S SO CUTE!!! *hugs pouty!Stephen*
Oh! And shame on you, TDS website, for cutting out this bit from the clips on your database (booooo!!!!); and thank you, internet, for providing me with the full version of this segment (Hooray!!!!). I mean, this is the internet! Why can't the TDS website post the full clip, huh? HUH? Answer me, TDS website!
Jon: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ah! Another classic! And unlike the banana one, this one is a classic of the "extremely hard to find" variety, since you can't find it on the TDS website anywhere (BOOOO!). Again, THANK YOU, INTERNET! ♥
This is quite possible the slashiest segment they have ever done together... It's a mock-retrospect on the 2000 election, and it plays out like a tragic little love story between Jon and Stephen: they start off as regular co-workers and, as the days go by and the election is still undecided, they fall in love (and kiss through a slice of pizza. CLASSIC!); but then, just as the guys are celebrating Al Gore's concession and the end of their nightmare, Stephen gets shot and dies and Jon is left screaming and mourning his death.
No, this is not the summary of the cheesiest fanfiction you've ever read, they have actually, genuinely done that segment on the show. For realz! And you can probably find the pizza clip on every slashy Jon/Stephen vid on YouTube (yes, there actually ARE a bunch of slashy vids of them on YouTube).
These guys really know the fans they have, people. :P
(PS: The banana clip, the pizza clip... It's funny how two of their most popular segments are food-related)
Jon: Thank you very much, Stephen. We will be--
*Stephen comes to Jon's desk and starts acting strange*
Stephen: Your desk is like water! I'm drinking it with my fingers! *licks Jon's desk*
... And just when you thought they couldn't get more slashy, Stephen comes along and licks Jon's desk. Plus, look at that last cap, that camera angle just doesn't help at all. XD
I'm telling you, they know their audience. ;)
Jon: Stephen, you're really, uh...
Stephen: Blowing your mind?
Jon: ... N-No.
Stephen: I'm glad I could help.
Jon: ... Thank you...
*gong noise*
Stephen: Jon?
Jon: *laughing* We'll be right back with the next episode of Kung Fu, right after this.
This is one of those segments that you can't quite get just by reading the quotes, you have to really see it. It's really cute! :)
Stephen: Jon, before we begin, I'd like to get something off my chest before I get outed by the bloggers. My real name isn't Stephen Colbert, it's Ted Hitler. No relation... Well, distant relation, two generations back... directly. I'm Adolf Hitler's grandson. Anyway, it's out there, it's no longer news.
Jon: Uhhh... Uhhh... Wow! First of all, thank you for your honesty, Stephen--
Stephen: It's Ted, Jon. It's Ted Hitler.
(...)
Jon: Ever since I found that out, I can barely look at you.
Yet another segment where Jon can't look StephenTed in the eye at any moment. And I just love how he actually says it out loud as if it's part of the segment! XD Oh, I love you, Jon!
Here's a question, though: StephenTed mentioned here that he's Adolf Hitler's grandson, and he also mentioned in another segment that he was the grandson of a goat-ball licker... Does that mean-- OK! You know what, never mind that. Let's just not end this on a disturbing note. Instead, I choose to end this on an "OMG THEY'RE ADORABLE!" note, so, remember that clip that I found just when I finished doing this and couldn't add it to the list (is anyone still reading this?)? Well, here it is in GIF form:
♥♥♥♥♥
Alright! So I guess that's it for Part 2! GO ME! :D
I'm offering free cookies to anyone who has managed to endure this pathetically long, way-too-wordy picspam of mine! I know it won't give you that precious time of your life back, but at least you're not leaving empty-handed, huh? *wink wink*
Stay tuned for Part 3, coming... well, anywhere between now and I'm guessing 40 years from now! XD
Remember how that was supposed to be part 1 of a series of picspams?
Well, I bring you PART TWO!!!!
This one has been a long time coming.
I have actually started working on it not too long after completing Part 1, but I have been taking my time, with everything that's happened and everything I've been doing... so this took a loooooooong time. But I also didn't want to just stop doing this because, quite frankly, these two have helped me get through some of my really bad days, and I love them for it. :)
The problem with that, of course, is that today, when I sat down to look at the complete picspam, I thought "Oh! Great! It's finally done!", but then I watched a clip I had not watched before and went "AWWWW! I should have included that one!"... But there was NO WAY I was going to change this picspam now to fit this clip right with the others!
(I could have simply added it at the end and made it clip #21, but that wouldn't have fit with the chronological order I went with, and I couldn't have that ... And I know it's sad that I should care about something like this, but... but... OH, SHUT UP! XD)
Oh well! Here it goes, TA DAAAAAA!!!
PART 2: THE DAILY SHOW YEARS!((By "The Daily Show Years" I obviously mean Stephen's Daily Show years... Because, of course, Jon is still the host of TDS and the show is still running))
Looking back on it now, this should have probably been Part 1 instead of the Toss... And the Toss should have been Part 2... It would have been right, chronologically. But who really cares about this stuff anyway, huh? :P
NOTE: Again, I've added links to all these videos. However, a couple of these moments are not available on the Daily Show website, so you won't find links for those, unfortunately.
Once again, the links are more for future reference than anything, but I guess they might interest some people too, if you want to watch them (and I reccomend you do, because they're awesome!). ♥
But first, let me start off with this little quote from an interview where Colbert mentions how much he loves it when he makes Jon laugh:
A goal of Colbert while working as a correspondent on "The Daily Show" -- one of his "greatest joys" -- was whether he could make Stewart laugh in the middle of a segment. One that comes immediately came to his mind was when Barack Obama first began receiving national attention.
"I knew the piece was good if he couldn't look at me when we were at the desk together," Colbert recalls. "We did much (fewer) green screen segments then. The highlight was when we were covering the Democratic convention in 2004, and I did a piece on Obama being the son of a goat farmer and I said I was the son of an Appalachian turd miner. Jon couldn't look at me for the entire thing."
That segment he mentioned was not actually added to this Top 20... but the point still stands: one of Stephen's greatest joys was (and I guess still is) when he could make Jon laugh! You can actually see it in his face, whenever he gets Jon to laugh, he just smiles because he's so happy. And that's pretty much one of the main reasons why I love watching them together so much, and one of the main reasons why I decided to start this little picspam project in the first place. ♥
January 26, 2000: "What do you think of Jon Stewart? Everyone describes him as pixyish and elfin, but isn't that just sort of a code word for fey?"
September 19, 2000: "What was THAT?" - "Violence, Jon. On TV!" - "Well, it really hurt..."
March 7, 2001: "Stephen, stay warm. OK, buddy?" - "OK... How?"
October 30, 2001: "Am I scaring you, Jon? Am I scaring you?"
October 31, 2002: "I don't wanna be a nitpicker, but it looks like you took one of those dorm room date rape scenarios and just changed "date rape" to "vote"." - "Pretty much yeah, but it's a 3-hour show, we got a lot of time to fill."
July 24, 2003: "Thank you, Jon." - "Wise. Nicely done." - "Jon, I accept your praise!" - "No, don't stare at me."
August 21, 2003: "Even when a politician loses his job, he can still go home." - "He can now, Jon. He can now... Jon."
September 16, 2003: "That was not going for your face, by the way. Lower." - "Let the pandering begin."
August 30, 2004: "But Stephen, this is an inappropriate attire--" - "OH, COME ON, JON! It's a clip show! Pick up the line and phone it in! RRRRING! RRRRING! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a drawstring that need synching."
You might notice that the basic rule that was used for the Toss is still in play here: my favorite moments are usually the ones where they either crack each other up, or something doesn't go according to plan (or both), however, you'll find that those things rarely actually happened back when Colbert was on the Daily Show. Colbert in particular only got to really, actually lose it in very few moments; and Jon, who pretty much NEVER gets to keep a straight face around Colbert now, used to do a pretty good job of holding it back when they worked together. I mean... comparatively. Because you'll see that he does actually lose it quite a lot in this Top 20 too. XD
November 12, 2003: "Don't you want to glorify the Lord, Jon?" - "S-Sure... I-I just don't have time. We have to go to a commercial." - "Oh! OK! My apologies to God. Evidently, we had to bump Him!"
December 1, 2004: "This is actually not a good time for me to do this, Jon. Just took a vow of silence. OH, FISH!!! Fine..." - "ACTING!"
January 26, 2005: "I'm too fast for you, old man!"
March 9, 2005: "Oh... Oh... She needs some forgiveness..."
April 18, 2005: "I'm sorry, I forgot to unswallow my tongue and re-engage my limbic system."
September 26, 2005: "Hmmm... THAT's debatable!"
OH, This Week in God! From 2003 to 2005, this was Colbert's solo segment on The Daily Show (and one of the best!), and best of all, they always managed to add some sort of cute little moment between him and Jon in them, particularly once they went to the commercials. You can't see it on the clips on the TDS website (boo!), but before they cut to commercials, you could always see the two of them playing around with the props or high-fiving each other.
There are a couple of TWiG moments on the actual Top 20, but that was such an awesome segment that I felt it needed some recognition. XP
JORDAN'S ABSENCE (February 8, 1999)
I have decided to list this moment for a very simple reason: this was Stephen's first desk segment with Jon. Before this one, he'd done reports and at the end he would usually close it with Jon, but if the TDS website is to be believed, this was the first time he did a whole piece with Jon. There's actually nothing special in this one, not one giggle or even a chuckle by either of them, it's just here for history's sake.
Also, JUST LOOK AT HOW YOUNG THEY WERE!!!! Look at Jon in particular, he looked way too young back then. Just look at his hair!
OK, NOW ON TO THE ACTUAL LIST!
(click the pictures to watch the videos)
Jon: Stephen, that's enough!
Stephen: Colbert is not my real name, Jon.
Jon: It's not?
Stephen: Do I look French to you?
Jon: WHAT?
Stephen: DO I LOOK FRENCH? ... Daddy?
I am absolutely, 100% sure that if they were to reenact this scene now, they wouldn't be able to do it without cracking up 5 or 6 times. Specially Jon. Oh, how the times change! Still, a Daily Show soap opera! What's not to love about this scene?
And I'll admit that the first time I watched this, I thought that the big reveal at the end would be that Stephen would turn out to be Lila... But I suppose it was still too early for them to be comfortable doing slashy scenes together. They got over that pretty quickly, though... and in a way that even my mom, who does not really watch The Daily Show (only when she happens to be in the room when I'm watching it), often remarks that it is probably "the gayest show on television" (her words, not mine!).
Granted, it's not just because of Jon and Stephen... but they play a huge part in that, no doubt!
Stephen: It is clear from these calculations that 100% of America is white, male, in the mid-thirties and works in TV. Let's get a government to represent those people!
Jon: Everyone in the world is white and working in TV? So there's no minorities, no--
Stephen: HEY! I'm just going with the numbers, man! They don't lie!
PROP FAILURE!!!! Ha! Oh, how I love these moments that catch them by surprise. The soda and the calculator... And I don't know about you guys, but I got the feeling that Jon might have played a little prank on Stephen with that second soda. If he wasn't the one who did it, he at least knew it would happen, just... The look on his face says it all! Besides, there would be no other reason for him to offer Stephen that soda in the first place. Oh, boys!
And MAN was Jon good at keeping a straight face around Stephen back then!
Stephen: Jon, I've been sitting here for a couple of days now. My ass is numb... And I miss my family!
Jon: Well, Stephen, you are a presidential historian. Do you have any news? I mean, you've covered every campaign since, I don't know, Johnson/Goldwater, whatever... Have you seen anything like this befor--
Stephen: Hold on, Jon! I'm getting some breaking news here. From my wife! It seems that my little girl just took her first steps. Again, little Sally just took her first steps. And I wasn't there. Thank you very much.
Indecision 2000!!! What a crazy election that was, huh? I'm not American and even I was getting impatient here!
This is actually the second election night special. The first one was good, but this one was just so much better! It was so hilarious, watching them all looking tired. Plus, Jon with rolled-up sleeves and without a suit looked pretty good. ;)
LOL poor Stephen, though! Being kept away from his family. Heee! Don't you worry, though, because, as it turned out, little Sally's first steps were just - as everything else that night - too close to call. XP
Jon: Stephen, are there alternatives for us who don't believe in violence?
Stephen: Yeah, I think I got something for you down here, Jon. Yeah, I think this might be nice on you. Pretty little ballet dress, maybe some frilly panties! "Oooh I'm Jon Stewart! I'm Jon Stewart, I'm a pretty little girl"...
Jon: SHUT UP!
Heee! See? They're already becoming more comfortable around each other. :) I'm telling you, it's really weird watching shows from 1999 or 2000, Jon was just much more serious back then. Nowadays, he can't go through one episode without giggling at some point... And I love him for it, really. He looks a lot more at ease now, and he seems to be having a fantastic time hosting the show. Keep at it, Jonny Stew! *fist bump*
But this one was a nice little moment, particularly the end, when they go to commercials, you can still see them playing around. You see, they're like little children, really...
Jon: OK, uh... Why don't I just skip that question? That's just, uh...
Stephen: I'm sorry. No, Jon, don't skip any questions. I'm a journalist, let's just get to the heart of it. What were you asking?
Jon: I was asking about the death of... your, uh...
Stephen: My what?
Jon: Your cat.
Stephen: OK, I got a lot of cats. Which cat, Jon?
Jon: Mr. Whiskers.
*Stephen faints*
Heeee! Aw, poor Mr. Whiskers! Bad Stephen!
I just... I don't really have anything to say this time, really. Or any time, for that matter! At least nothing that sounds vaguely meaningful, it's just pure, fangirly squee. If they laugh, I love it. If they cry, I love it. If they start hitting each other for no real reason whatsoever, I love it!
Singin' Senators singing: Elvira, my heart's on fire, Elvira...
Stephen: My heart's on fire too, guys. My heart's on fire too...
Jon: Your lighter's not. *chuckles*
Stephen: WOULD YOU SHUT UP!
THE GIGGLE! The Jon Stewart giggle is finally here! XD Oh, how I love his giggle.
This is yet another cute and silly moment where you realize they're nothing but 10-year olds trapped inside the body of two grown men. And the best part of it is that when the camera starts panning away, you can see the two of them still laughing and teasing each other through the studio monitor. ADORABLE!
(And here's another thing that is really adorable: the look on Jon's face on that third cap. He just looks like he's going "Awwww" at Stephen and his lighter XD)
Jon: Well, Reverend, I can't tell you how much more entertaining this was than I thought it was going to be... when the real one was showing up.
I'm not gonna lie, I will forever be grateful to Al Sharpton for NOT showing up that day. Because if he had, we never would have gotten this. Fellow TDS fans (I know you're out there, somewhere!) will agree that this was just one of the best moments between them. They were just having so much fun, Jon was laughing so much... I just... I love it!
Plus, it's the closest we've ever got to a real interview between them, which is something that I still wish will happen at some point, either one of them interviewing the other...
Yeah, go ahead! Call me an insufferable fangirl if you want. I DON'T CARE! XD
Jon: Do you really think ads like that are going to be more effective than the traditional ads?
Stephen: Oh no, Jon. They won't be effective at all. *WINK*
Jon: Alright. So they won't be... So they won't be effective at all?
Stephen: Not at all, Jon. *WINK*
*Jon double-takes and Stephen winks at him once more*
Jon: Are you coming onto me in a sexual way?
Stephen: Not at all, Jon! *WINK*
Seriously, how can they complain about disturbing fanfiction when they have been fueling the fangirls with scenes like THAT for 5 years? (I'm only counting the TDS years here; let's not forget that the slashiness is still happening to this day!) Surely they must have known what they were getting into. (And I'm pretty sure there must be at least a dozen fics that start with those very words...)
Stephen: Jon, the skaters themselves will be fine. The real victims are the fans here, the little boy who dreams of nothing more than being out there on the ice, free of judgment, able to wear his unitard and not have to worry about all those jocks on the football team, taunting him, making fun of the way he runs. No, it's just him and the music and when you hit the ice it's like you're flying! *starts dancing and singing Cher's "Believe"*
Jon: Stephen! STEPHEN!
Stephen: I'M FLYING, JON! YOU CAN'T JUDGE ME NOW! I'M FLYING!
Remember what I said back in Part 1 about how I love it when Colbert dances? Well, he not only dances in this clip, he also sings! How - HOW, I ASK YOU - can I not love this clip? HOW???
Once again, though, the dudes over at the TDS website decided to cut this clip way too short (boooo!!), because right as they cut to the commercials, you could see (and hear!) Jon breaking down laughing on his desk. It's adorable! You can tell he loves it when his buddy starts dancing... and Colbert loves to dance, so it's pretty much a win-win situation. XD
Jon: Can I see that back up for just a second? Stephen, just out of- *laughs* Just out of curiosity, a) I had no idea you were in that good a shape; and b) why aren't you wearing a shirt?
Stephen: It just felt right, Jon.
HAHAHA! OH, that TA-DA Ballot... I think what I love the most about it is the look on Stephen's face in that picture. LOL! Also, how neither of them could hold back their laughter when they saw it, not even Stephen himself. XD
I really wish he had done it live, though, instead of showing a picture. hehehe Oh, it would have been fabulous! You just know he would have been up for it. :P
Stephen: Sounds like these "generals" of yours may be a little light in the combat boots, if you know what I'm saying.
Jon: I don't think I know what you're saying.
Stephen: I'm saying they're queers, Jon. They're Hitler-loving queers. *does silly hand gesture*
Jon I'm perplexed. *tries not to laugh*
Stephen: Do I need to do the gesture again?
Jon: Please don't. My feeling is this, though, Stephen, and I may not look at you when I ask this...
Remember that thing about Stephen being all proud whenever Jon could NOT look him in the eye during a segment? Well, here you have it! You can clearly see him all happy when Jon mentions he can't look at him. :D It's adorable! *hugs them both*
Jon: I can't believe it! He got out "Barzas Ibrahim al-Hasan al-Tikriti" and "Abd al-Baqi Abd al-Karim Abdallah al-Sadun" and tripped on the word "urn"...
*starts laughing then looks at Stephen off-camera*
Jon: Ah, I see it- Hey! Heeey! I think our correspondent in Baghdad just gave me the finger!
LOL! Oh, I wish we could have seen Stephen's reaction when Jon poked fun at him. XD
Of course he had to mention Stephen's slip! I mean, LOOK AT THOSE NAMES! I had to listen to the clip a couple of times so that I could try and get as close as possible to the actual spelling, to then google them and get them right, because holy crap! I can really see the writers gathered around a computer, trying to find the most complicated terrorist names to try and get Stephen to crack, only to them get all shocked when the word he tripped on was "urn". LOL I love you, Stephen. Don't ever change! ♥
Jon: Stephen, I have to tell you, that story, or what I heard of it, all sounds... pretty gay.
Stephen: Not gay, Jon, aristocratic. It's a different culture than ours.
Jon: And what's different about it?
*Stephen loses it COMPLETELY and Jon soon follows*
Stephen: You know... *cracks up again* Mainly... *cracks up AGAIN* Mainly how gay it is. Jon?
If you can only watch one clip from this list, make it this one.
This is it, people: Stephen's moment of glory, his greatest hit, his 'magnificent octopus' if you will (KUDOS to whoever guesses where that one came from. *wink wink*). You can go around and ask fans what was Stephen's greatest moment back from when he was on TDS, and I bet 8 out of 10 fans will tell you it's this one... and that's because the other 2 have probably never seen it. TRUE STORY!
I have never seen Stephen lose it quite like this, not even on his own show (there have been a few moments that have come close, but I think this one still wins). I mean, he was laughing so hard he was crying! Just look at that man's face! He really couldn't keep it together, the poor guy.
My favorite part about this, though? How you can hear Jon laughing throughout the whole thing, and you can actually hear him banging on his desk at one point, which he only ever does whenever he's laughing really, really hard. Aw! Gotta love 'em! ♥
Stephen: Look! We don't need to get physical about this because we're disagreeing. Now I'm gonna sit down, and I'm gonna say "Jon" and throw back to you. Can we do that without this getting ugly?
Jon: ... I think so.
*Stephen slowsly sits down*
Stephen: Jon?
This one is not nearly as epic as the banana clip, but I really like it. I actually love it whenever they get more... physical (No! No! Take those slash goggles off, that is NOT what I meant by that. Shame on you for thinking that! *points accusingly* :P).
I personally love the fact that they get to move around quite a bit because it means more usable clips in an eventual Jon-Stephen fanvid. Well, I mean, a second one. What? Don't judge me! *blushes*
Jon: I'm sorry, Stephen. What is that?
Stephen: It's my healing crystal, Jon. It may just look like a rock, but it actually brings with it an alignment of my center and heals my heart chakra.
Jon: Really?
Stephen: Yes, and it also refracts your cynicism into a harmless rainbow of tolerance. Oh! And it also cured me of diverticulitis. Yeah, but you don't wanna know where I had to stick it. Actually, I had to get another healing crystal to repair that damage. Let me explain, the sphincter--
Jon: Actually, no, no, t-that would be fine!
I told you there would be more TWiG moments in this spam. ;) No real reason why I like this one, I guess I just find it really cute that Stephen would get a healing crystal to deal with Jon's cynicism. XD
Stephen: Thank you, Jon. This is a crucial week for the democrats, as they gather--
Jon: I'm sorry! Stephen, Stephen, Stephen, Stephen!
Stephen: I'm doing this... thing.
Jon: Yeah, I know. I'm just introducing, actually, everybody who's covering it, so...
Stephen: What about my report? I got a report to...
Jon: We're gonna get to your report later.
Stephen: Oh, OK. *angry* We'll get to it later!
(Later...)
Jon: Alright, we're gonna turn now to Stephen Colbert. Stephen, what do you have for us--
*Jon turns and Stephen is sat down on the floor, looking miserable*
Jon: Stephen? Is it- STEPHEN!
Stephen: Oh, you have time for me now?
How adorable is pouty!Stephen, huh? HE'S SO CUTE!!! *hugs pouty!Stephen*
Oh! And shame on you, TDS website, for cutting out this bit from the clips on your database (booooo!!!!); and thank you, internet, for providing me with the full version of this segment (Hooray!!!!). I mean, this is the internet! Why can't the TDS website post the full clip, huh? HUH? Answer me, TDS website!
Jon: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ah! Another classic! And unlike the banana one, this one is a classic of the "extremely hard to find" variety, since you can't find it on the TDS website anywhere (BOOOO!). Again, THANK YOU, INTERNET! ♥
This is quite possible the slashiest segment they have ever done together... It's a mock-retrospect on the 2000 election, and it plays out like a tragic little love story between Jon and Stephen: they start off as regular co-workers and, as the days go by and the election is still undecided, they fall in love (and kiss through a slice of pizza. CLASSIC!); but then, just as the guys are celebrating Al Gore's concession and the end of their nightmare, Stephen gets shot and dies and Jon is left screaming and mourning his death.
No, this is not the summary of the cheesiest fanfiction you've ever read, they have actually, genuinely done that segment on the show. For realz! And you can probably find the pizza clip on every slashy Jon/Stephen vid on YouTube (yes, there actually ARE a bunch of slashy vids of them on YouTube).
These guys really know the fans they have, people. :P
(PS: The banana clip, the pizza clip... It's funny how two of their most popular segments are food-related)
Jon: Thank you very much, Stephen. We will be--
*Stephen comes to Jon's desk and starts acting strange*
Stephen: Your desk is like water! I'm drinking it with my fingers! *licks Jon's desk*
... And just when you thought they couldn't get more slashy, Stephen comes along and licks Jon's desk. Plus, look at that last cap, that camera angle just doesn't help at all. XD
I'm telling you, they know their audience. ;)
Jon: Stephen, you're really, uh...
Stephen: Blowing your mind?
Jon: ... N-No.
Stephen: I'm glad I could help.
Jon: ... Thank you...
*gong noise*
Stephen: Jon?
Jon: *laughing* We'll be right back with the next episode of Kung Fu, right after this.
This is one of those segments that you can't quite get just by reading the quotes, you have to really see it. It's really cute! :)
Stephen: Jon, before we begin, I'd like to get something off my chest before I get outed by the bloggers. My real name isn't Stephen Colbert, it's Ted Hitler. No relation... Well, distant relation, two generations back... directly. I'm Adolf Hitler's grandson. Anyway, it's out there, it's no longer news.
Jon: Uhhh... Uhhh... Wow! First of all, thank you for your honesty, Stephen--
Stephen: It's Ted, Jon. It's Ted Hitler.
(...)
Jon: Ever since I found that out, I can barely look at you.
Yet another segment where Jon can't look StephenTed in the eye at any moment. And I just love how he actually says it out loud as if it's part of the segment! XD Oh, I love you, Jon!
Here's a question, though: StephenTed mentioned here that he's Adolf Hitler's grandson, and he also mentioned in another segment that he was the grandson of a goat-ball licker... Does that mean-- OK! You know what, never mind that. Let's just not end this on a disturbing note. Instead, I choose to end this on an "OMG THEY'RE ADORABLE!" note, so, remember that clip that I found just when I finished doing this and couldn't add it to the list (is anyone still reading this?)? Well, here it is in GIF form:
♥♥♥♥♥
Alright! So I guess that's it for Part 2! GO ME! :D
I'm offering free cookies to anyone who has managed to endure this pathetically long, way-too-wordy picspam of mine! I know it won't give you that precious time of your life back, but at least you're not leaving empty-handed, huh? *wink wink*
Stay tuned for Part 3, coming... well, anywhere between now and I'm guessing 40 years from now! XD