Merlin 2x05 [Picspam Recap]
Ok, so I know I promised myself I'd never do one of these again... but I had so much fun the last time, and a couple of people did ask me to make another one and I thought "Well, why not?", so... Well... WHY NOT?
I'll be honest, the first time I watched last week's episode of Merlin, I wasn't impressed. At all.
But then I watched it a second time and managed to laugh quite a bit... when I wasn't cringing. (But still! That's an improvement, right?)
So here we go.
OH WARNING: not dial-up friendly. AT ALL! There are TONS of pics.
Merlin 2x05: Beauty and the Beast, pt 1 [Picspam Recap]
(Or How Uther Learned To Stop Worrying And Love A Troll)
OH! One more thing before we begin: don't be scared if you find me making tons of Troll 2 references all over the place. Because, lets face it, it's a troll! It's inevitable. She even had green blood!!! How was I supposed to restrain myself, HUH???
... and those of you who haven't seen Troll 2, well... you don't know what you're missing. Between the Oscar-worthy performances and the genius screenwritting (not to mention absolutely every other aspect of that movie), there is no possible way that this movie could be any worse.
And, in my book, that makes it a must-watch movie. Because, DUDE! The crack! It is EPIC!!!
...
But why am I talking about it, again?
OH RIGHT, TROLLS!!!
Aaaand here they are! Although... I'm not entirely sure the guy is a troll or a goblin. Actually, I've no idea what that guy is. Or what his name is... I think it's Jonas or something, but I'll just call him Igor, because HE'S TOTALLY IGOR!!! He even does the "Yeeees, master mistresssssss!" thing the way Igor does.
So he's Igor.
And he works for lady-troll and they obviously got an eeeevil plan to rule Camelot, because that's what all the cool trolls are doing these days.
Igor arrives in Camelot with lady-troll who's taken a magic potion and is now all pretty. Even her clothes are pretty! THAT is powerful magic, ladies and gentlemen!
((OH and if your mind didn't go "It's only a model" when Igor said "Camelot!", then you're not a true GEEK!))
Gaius: Come along, Merlin!
Merlin: Look, I know you're all old and grumpy, but couldn't you carry ONE pot?!
Gaius: Don't be ridiculous.
Merlin: Funny, it's like my nervous outbrake 3 episodes back didn't really mean anything to you.
Gaius: Of course it did! You're carrying empty pots, aren't you?
Merlin: Right...
Merlin goes "Nothing interesting EVER happens", and AS IF BY MAGIC, he instantly bumps into Igor, who starts asking about Arthur, and I'm sure at that moment Merlin was thinking "At least once I wish people would come to me for ME!".
Igor then shows them Not-Lady Catrina and Merlin's brain melts. But it's got nothing because of magic, he really has no social skills whatsoever, the poor guy.
Gaius and Merlin then think "Wow, since they asked so nicely, why NOT take these two normal-looking people straight to the king? I'm sure nothing wrong will happen!".
Uther then acts pretty much the same way Merlin did when he first sees Not-Catrina, as she talks in heavy breathing how she escaped as her whole family was killed and yadda yadda. Then she collapses so that Uther can hold her up and close. And Uther's all smooth and I half-expected him to go "How ya doin'?" on her. You know, the medieval equivalent of it.
On second thought, I think he DID!
Oh and no one asks about Igor. Because, apparently, good-looking noble women having smelly, ugly-looking, Quasimodo-like assistants with elf ears were quite common around that time!
Merlin: LadyCatrinaLadyCatrinaLadyCatrinaLadyCatrinaLadyCatrinaLadyCatrina!!!
Gaius: *is on auto-pilot* Yeah. Sure. No. Yup.
Arthur: Merlin! Job for you!
Gaius: OHTHANKGOD! I mean, awwww, what a shame! We were having such a nice talk.
Merlin shows Not-Catrina and Igor to their new quarters and feels all warm and fuzzy when she asks for his name. Then he leaves and she hunches and grunts and spits and is all troll-like again, ranting about how horribly nice the room is.
Not-Catrina also does a bunch of disgusting things, like eat food full of worms... but I seriously don't want to cap those things, so from now on, the part of Nasty!Not-Catrina and Troll!Catrina will be played by...
A PUPPY!!!
Come on! I know that troll!Catrina isn't that ugly, but what the hell, puppies make the episode a lot more adorable.
LOL this scene!!!
At dinner, Uther and Not-Catrina get all flirty-flirty with each other and Arthur's like "OH CRAP NO! JUST... COME ON! I'M EATING HERE!" and Morgana just basically LOLs because it's not every day you see Uther wooing someone.
I love that look Morgana gives him at that fourth cap, she's just loving this!
But anyway, the kids leave and Not-Catrina does every trick in the book to try and get Uther interested in her. Not that it was necessary anyway, just look at him!
Merlin: LadyCatrinaLadyCatrinaLadyCatrinaLadyCatrinaLadyCatrinaLadyCatrina!!!
Gaius: *ignores him* Here, take this potion to Lady Catrina.
Merlin: LADY CATRINA!? YAY!!! So what is it?
Gaius: She'll know what it is.
Merlin: Great. So what is it?
Gaius: *glares*
Merlin: =D
Gaius: >/
Merlin: Ok, ok...
Merlin is just so giggly in this episode, it's adorable!
Not-Catrina: What's that whole bunch of nice fruit on the table?
Igor: That's hospitality.
Not-Catrina: Hospitality? HMPF! I piss on hospitality.
And again we have to sit and watch Not-Catrina eating rotten food full of worms. I feel for the poor PA who had to run around collecting bugs for this episode...
Merlin arrives just in time and Not-Catrina gets all defensive "Oh my! Rotten food! How did that get here?!?!", but it's perfectly alright since Merlin doesn't even notice it! At all! On the contrary, he actually goes "So sorry to interrupt!"... Apparently his brain melt is affecting his vision and sense of smell too? Who knows?
Not-Catrina goes "It's ok, at least I wasn't undressing" and Merlin... well, look at him! His face says it all. But if he actually knew what we know about her, his face would be completely different.
He tries to give her Gaius' medicine, but neither she nor Igor knows what he's talking about.
Merlin goes back to tell Gaius, who then confirms his suspicions that Not-Catrina might actually not be Lady Catrina. Because, apparently, the bad guys went through all the trouble of finding out what happened to every single one of the real Catrina's relatives, but knew nothing of her incurable bone disease.
OH, the days before Wikipedia...
The next morning, Uther and Not-Catrina leave for a ride (and I'm actually surprised at how charming Uther can be. Well, when he's not ordering people executed, that is), so Merlin decides to go have a look inside Not-Catrina's room.
He notices no one's used the bed and he FINALLY notices the smell! You know, now that there is NO rotten food around! Oh well... at least he got there eventually! He also finds Igor there and, as he's leaving, he notices the guy has a tail and finds it strange. Because, you know, everything else about Igor is just absolutely normal!
Also, that is the strangest-looking tail I've ever seen. I'm actually surprised Merlin recognized it as a tail, for me it was just... well, I didn't know what it was!
But anyway, he shares all that info with Gaius and they both decide to keep an eye on her, which is exactly what they've been doing since the episode started, so no changes there.
We then go to Uther and Not-Catrina having a lovely picnic and Uther's telling her all about his dead wife while Not-Catrina throws all her food in the river with a loud "BLOP".
Uther doesn't see it, he doesn't even HEAR it, because we all know love is deaf as well as blind.
Arthur: Look at them! THAT is pathetic! You'll never see me going like that for anyone.
Merlin: Really? LOOK, IT'S GWEN!
Arthur: WHAT?WHERE?!
Merlin: *giggles*
Arthur: Very funny...
Gaius talks to Uther about Not-Catrina and it really amazes me just how much they act like older versions of Merlin and Arthur. I mean, if Arthur ever goes to the dark side, that is... But seriously, Uther even does the "eyeroll" at Gaius exactly the way Arthur does at Merlin, it's awesome!
Oh and he completely ignores what Gaius says about Catrina.
Which is exactly what Arthur would do.
And now we go to Uther and Not-Catrina whispering sweet nothings to each other by the fireplace while drinking wine, aka Arthur's Worst Nightmare.
Thankfully for Uther, he doesn't kiss her, which is very good for him since it would probably turn him into a rotten corpse full of worms.
Not-Catrina gets pissed that he didn't kiss her and leaves the castle (presumably, to go to the dungeons, which is where she's been sleeping), but then Merlin goes to Arthur's room in the middle of the night (Arthur/Merlin slashers: *write fanfics*), steals his mirror, goes "wingardium leviosa" on it, takes it to Not-Catrina's window and SURPRISE! Catrina is TROLL spelled backwards! OH the horror! Look at that ugly face!!!!!
But here's the thing, how come Merlin saw her in her room when only 10 seconds ago we saw her leaving the castle and going to the dungeons?????
Shirtless!Arthur: *is SEXAY*
Fangirls: *swoon*
Arthur: Merlin, what are you doing?!
Merlin: *gasps and stares* Uh... uh...
Arthur/Merlin slashers: DUDE, THEY'RE MAKING THIS TOO EASY!!! *write more fics*
OH any episode with a shirtless Arthur is a good episode in my book!
He also gets all angry because apparently Merlin broke his favorite mirror. How is he supposed to do his morning "I feel pretty, oh so pretty" routine now, HUH???
Merlin then sees troll!Catrina leaving her room and decides to follow her. Even though he could just grab Arthur and SHOW him how Lady Catrina is actually a troll, but why make it easy?
Anyway, he follows her to the dungeons where he finds her sleeping and farting and burping and it really is disgusting, so he leaves immediately and goes straight to Gaius, but not before Igor sees him.
But the question remains... who was that person leaving the castle in the middle of the night?????
I guess we'll never know...
Gaius decides to go to Uther straight away and tell him that his new girlfriend is a troll. Merlin LOLz because, yeah... it's totally gonna work!
However, either that castle is really huge or Gaius is getting way too old because, even though he leaves "straight away", he only reaches Uther in the morning.
But it doesn't matter anyway because Uther obviously doesn't believe him.
Now here's where I also got confused... You know that thing on Igor's hand? It looks like a tail. It moves like a tail. It actually is a much more convincing tail than that green thing that Merlin saw. But it can't possibly be his tail because his tail was green! And it didn't have fur!
But anyway, Igor tells Not-Catrina that Merlin's been spying on her, but she's not that worried about him now.
Gaius: Please don't say anything, Merlin.
Merlin: I wasn't gonna say anything!
Gaius: You were going to say 'I told you so'.
Merlin: Ok. I was. But I'm not going to now.
Gaius: Uther didn't take it well.
Merlin: OH SEE? I told you---
Gaius: *stares*
Merlin: Sorry.
Heeheee I love Merlin and Gaius! ♥
Not-Catrina then decides her relationship with Uther is going too slow, so she spices things up a bit by going "bippity boppity boo" on some medalion thing. And if you're thinking of asking where did they get it, well you're clearly missing the point. The point is: look, she's got green blood!!!
She then gives the medalion to Uther claiming it's a gift from her dead father or something and OMG LOOK AT UTHER'S FACE!!!! Oh, that is just priceless! He looks like a 4-year old who's just seen Santa!
Igor and Not-Catrina are all happy that their plan is working. And I find it very interesting that not even Igor can look at her eating her rotten, smelly things without cringing.
It makes me wonder why he's even working for her in the first place? I'm sure there must be other baddies out there looking for assistants! Or maybe he's sent applications all over the place and no one wanted him so he ended up working for a troll.
We've all been there, people.
Gaius: You called for me, sire?
Uther: Ah Gaius! You'll be delighted to hear that I've completely ignored what you told me.
Gaius: Yes, 'delighted' is not the word I'd use.
Uther: OH, isn't this a lovely evening? OH I must say, you look great in blue. You know what else is blue? The skyyyy! Awwww, look at the skyyy, it's so pretty!!!! And bluuuuue!
Gaius: Indeed it is, sire. So what about Lady Catrina?
Uther: Catrina? Pffff, don't be silly, she's not blue! Nor is she a troll! She's soooo pretty. You know what else is pretty, Gaius?
Gaius: ... the sky, sire?
Uther: Yeeeeees!!!!! =D
Uther in love is one of the funniest things this show has ever had!
Funny how Gaius doesn't even notice Uther's new bling and doesn't even question the way that Uther's acting now, assuming that it will all be over if they show him Not-Catrina's true form.
Unfortunately for Merlin, that means having to use magic in front of the king. But he really shouldn't worry, the way Uther is now, all they needed to do was distract him with something shiny and then I'm sure they could use all the magic they wanted!
Not-Catrina: Wow, that's an awfully big kingdom!
Uther: You're prettyyyyy. And you have pretty hair!
Not-Catrina: That's very lovely, sweety, but about the kingdom--
Uther: You have pretty eyes! And pretty skin!
Not-Catrina: UTHER, FOCUS! THE KINGDOM!
Uther: What about it?
Not-Catrina: I want it.
Uther: Ok, cool.
Uther and Not-Catrina then announce their engagement to the people of Camelot... or at least to the ones who could fit in that room. Arthur is clearly feeling like he's getting punk'd, Morgana and Gwen are truly amused, Uther is giggling like a fool and no one notices Merlin doing incantations in the corner. And no one notices when Not-Catrina's skin starts moving.
Well, no one except Igor.
It doesn't work, though, and Not-Catrina is able to resist Merlin's magic, so she and Igor start plotting evil plots against him.
Merlin then tries talking to Arthur and tell him that Catrina is really a troll, but he just starts laughing. And he's apparently accepted that Not-Catrina will be his new mommy and completely ignores what Merlin is trying to tell him.
Like I said, Merlin-Arthur = Gaius-Uther!
As he's leaving Arthur's room, he finds Igor crying in the corner. He tells Merlin about how evil his mistress is and that he's been held against his will. Merlin trusts him enough to not even ask him to go along as he enters the dungeons and finds the place where Igor says Not-Catrina keeps her potions. He ends up finding troll!Catrina herself, who then traps our intrepid-yet-incredibly-dumb hero inside by blowing up the entrance.
I just marvel at the wonder of those medieval sound-proof walls! They can blow up the dungeons right underneath the castle and no one will hear or feel a thing. Wow!
Merlin then spends the whole night trying every spell he knows to try and blow up the pile of rocks blocking his escape, from "Open Sesame!" to "Expelliarmus!" to "OHCRAPJUSTLETMEOUT-iarmus". Nothing works.
But then again, it's not like there's anyone's even wondering where he is!
The marriage starts. Merlin can't get out. Uther walks in giggling like a giggly fool along with Arthur who's wearing that girly crown of his. Merlin still can't get out. Not-Catrina walks in wearing a pretty wedding dress that I've no idea where she got from. Merlin still can't get out.
By the time Merlin finally manages to yell his spell in the right frequency to move the rocks, the ceremony is already happening and he has to run and push random people off the side and out of his way. It's actually quite hilarious.
But when he gets there, Igor is guarding the door and won't let him pass.
Merlin then decides to fight his way past Igor, which obviously doesn't work because everyone knows he has no upper body strength whatsoever, even though magic would be much more effective, particularly now that he's in a hurry!
So after he gets his ass kicked and thrown all over the place (AGAIN, those sound-proof walls are just fantastic! You can have two people fighting and breaking everything in one room, and just on the other side of the door no one will hear a THING!), Merlin finally uses magic. And it works! DUH!
However, by the time Merlin arrives to the scene, ready to shout "STOP THIS WEDDING!", the happy couple is married and Not-Catrina is already the new Queen of Camelot.
Bugger.
But then again, how exactly was he going to stop the wedding? Did he really think that if he ran in yelling "THE BRIDE IS A TROLL!!!!!" people would believe him?! I'm sure that he'd just end up thrown back in the dungeon and the wedding would still happen.
So yeah, that's how it ends.
I can say that I've enjoyed this episode a lot more after doing this (hmmm maybe it's the puppies? And by the way, I googled those pics so I don't know who to credit!), but it's definitely not one of my favorites.
If you read the whole thing... Wow, sorry to make you go through this, mate! You deserve some cookies!
Now that it's over I remember why I promised myself I'd never do it again... These things are tough to make and I clearly don't know how to make them short.
And now I really feel like rewatching Troll 2...
I'll be honest, the first time I watched last week's episode of Merlin, I wasn't impressed. At all.
But then I watched it a second time and managed to laugh quite a bit... when I wasn't cringing. (But still! That's an improvement, right?)
So here we go.
OH WARNING: not dial-up friendly. AT ALL! There are TONS of pics.
Merlin 2x05: Beauty and the Beast, pt 1 [Picspam Recap]
(Or How Uther Learned To Stop Worrying And Love A Troll)
OH! One more thing before we begin: don't be scared if you find me making tons of Troll 2 references all over the place. Because, lets face it, it's a troll! It's inevitable. She even had green blood!!! How was I supposed to restrain myself, HUH???
... and those of you who haven't seen Troll 2, well... you don't know what you're missing. Between the Oscar-worthy performances and the genius screenwritting (not to mention absolutely every other aspect of that movie), there is no possible way that this movie could be any worse.
And, in my book, that makes it a must-watch movie. Because, DUDE! The crack! It is EPIC!!!
...
But why am I talking about it, again?
OH RIGHT, TROLLS!!!
Aaaand here they are! Although... I'm not entirely sure the guy is a troll or a goblin. Actually, I've no idea what that guy is. Or what his name is... I think it's Jonas or something, but I'll just call him Igor, because HE'S TOTALLY IGOR!!! He even does the "Yeeees, master mistresssssss!" thing the way Igor does.
So he's Igor.
And he works for lady-troll and they obviously got an eeeevil plan to rule Camelot, because that's what all the cool trolls are doing these days.
Igor arrives in Camelot with lady-troll who's taken a magic potion and is now all pretty. Even her clothes are pretty! THAT is powerful magic, ladies and gentlemen!
((OH and if your mind didn't go "It's only a model" when Igor said "Camelot!", then you're not a true GEEK!))
Gaius: Come along, Merlin!
Merlin: Look, I know you're all old and grumpy, but couldn't you carry ONE pot?!
Gaius: Don't be ridiculous.
Merlin: Funny, it's like my nervous outbrake 3 episodes back didn't really mean anything to you.
Gaius: Of course it did! You're carrying empty pots, aren't you?
Merlin: Right...
Merlin goes "Nothing interesting EVER happens", and AS IF BY MAGIC, he instantly bumps into Igor, who starts asking about Arthur, and I'm sure at that moment Merlin was thinking "At least once I wish people would come to me for ME!".
Igor then shows them Not-Lady Catrina and Merlin's brain melts. But it's got nothing because of magic, he really has no social skills whatsoever, the poor guy.
Gaius and Merlin then think "Wow, since they asked so nicely, why NOT take these two normal-looking people straight to the king? I'm sure nothing wrong will happen!".
Uther then acts pretty much the same way Merlin did when he first sees Not-Catrina, as she talks in heavy breathing how she escaped as her whole family was killed and yadda yadda. Then she collapses so that Uther can hold her up and close. And Uther's all smooth and I half-expected him to go "How ya doin'?" on her. You know, the medieval equivalent of it.
On second thought, I think he DID!
Oh and no one asks about Igor. Because, apparently, good-looking noble women having smelly, ugly-looking, Quasimodo-like assistants with elf ears were quite common around that time!
Merlin: LadyCatrinaLadyCatrinaLadyCatrinaLadyCatrinaLadyCatrinaLadyCatrina!!!
Gaius: *is on auto-pilot* Yeah. Sure. No. Yup.
Arthur: Merlin! Job for you!
Gaius: OHTHANKGOD! I mean, awwww, what a shame! We were having such a nice talk.
Merlin shows Not-Catrina and Igor to their new quarters and feels all warm and fuzzy when she asks for his name. Then he leaves and she hunches and grunts and spits and is all troll-like again, ranting about how horribly nice the room is.
Not-Catrina also does a bunch of disgusting things, like eat food full of worms... but I seriously don't want to cap those things, so from now on, the part of Nasty!Not-Catrina and Troll!Catrina will be played by...
A PUPPY!!!
Come on! I know that troll!Catrina isn't that ugly, but what the hell, puppies make the episode a lot more adorable.
LOL this scene!!!
At dinner, Uther and Not-Catrina get all flirty-flirty with each other and Arthur's like "OH CRAP NO! JUST... COME ON! I'M EATING HERE!" and Morgana just basically LOLs because it's not every day you see Uther wooing someone.
I love that look Morgana gives him at that fourth cap, she's just loving this!
But anyway, the kids leave and Not-Catrina does every trick in the book to try and get Uther interested in her. Not that it was necessary anyway, just look at him!
Merlin: LadyCatrinaLadyCatrinaLadyCatrinaLadyCatrinaLadyCatrinaLadyCatrina!!!
Gaius: *ignores him* Here, take this potion to Lady Catrina.
Merlin: LADY CATRINA!? YAY!!! So what is it?
Gaius: She'll know what it is.
Merlin: Great. So what is it?
Gaius: *glares*
Merlin: =D
Gaius: >/
Merlin: Ok, ok...
Merlin is just so giggly in this episode, it's adorable!
Not-Catrina: What's that whole bunch of nice fruit on the table?
Igor: That's hospitality.
Not-Catrina: Hospitality? HMPF! I piss on hospitality.
And again we have to sit and watch Not-Catrina eating rotten food full of worms. I feel for the poor PA who had to run around collecting bugs for this episode...
Merlin arrives just in time and Not-Catrina gets all defensive "Oh my! Rotten food! How did that get here?!?!", but it's perfectly alright since Merlin doesn't even notice it! At all! On the contrary, he actually goes "So sorry to interrupt!"... Apparently his brain melt is affecting his vision and sense of smell too? Who knows?
Not-Catrina goes "It's ok, at least I wasn't undressing" and Merlin... well, look at him! His face says it all. But if he actually knew what we know about her, his face would be completely different.
He tries to give her Gaius' medicine, but neither she nor Igor knows what he's talking about.
Merlin goes back to tell Gaius, who then confirms his suspicions that Not-Catrina might actually not be Lady Catrina. Because, apparently, the bad guys went through all the trouble of finding out what happened to every single one of the real Catrina's relatives, but knew nothing of her incurable bone disease.
OH, the days before Wikipedia...
The next morning, Uther and Not-Catrina leave for a ride (and I'm actually surprised at how charming Uther can be. Well, when he's not ordering people executed, that is), so Merlin decides to go have a look inside Not-Catrina's room.
He notices no one's used the bed and he FINALLY notices the smell! You know, now that there is NO rotten food around! Oh well... at least he got there eventually! He also finds Igor there and, as he's leaving, he notices the guy has a tail and finds it strange. Because, you know, everything else about Igor is just absolutely normal!
Also, that is the strangest-looking tail I've ever seen. I'm actually surprised Merlin recognized it as a tail, for me it was just... well, I didn't know what it was!
But anyway, he shares all that info with Gaius and they both decide to keep an eye on her, which is exactly what they've been doing since the episode started, so no changes there.
We then go to Uther and Not-Catrina having a lovely picnic and Uther's telling her all about his dead wife while Not-Catrina throws all her food in the river with a loud "BLOP".
Uther doesn't see it, he doesn't even HEAR it, because we all know love is deaf as well as blind.
Arthur: Look at them! THAT is pathetic! You'll never see me going like that for anyone.
Merlin: Really? LOOK, IT'S GWEN!
Arthur: WHAT?WHERE?!
Merlin: *giggles*
Arthur: Very funny...
Gaius talks to Uther about Not-Catrina and it really amazes me just how much they act like older versions of Merlin and Arthur. I mean, if Arthur ever goes to the dark side, that is... But seriously, Uther even does the "eyeroll" at Gaius exactly the way Arthur does at Merlin, it's awesome!
Oh and he completely ignores what Gaius says about Catrina.
Which is exactly what Arthur would do.
And now we go to Uther and Not-Catrina whispering sweet nothings to each other by the fireplace while drinking wine, aka Arthur's Worst Nightmare.
Thankfully for Uther, he doesn't kiss her, which is very good for him since it would probably turn him into a rotten corpse full of worms.
Not-Catrina gets pissed that he didn't kiss her and leaves the castle (presumably, to go to the dungeons, which is where she's been sleeping), but then Merlin goes to Arthur's room in the middle of the night (Arthur/Merlin slashers: *write fanfics*), steals his mirror, goes "wingardium leviosa" on it, takes it to Not-Catrina's window and SURPRISE! Catrina is TROLL spelled backwards! OH the horror! Look at that ugly face!!!!!
But here's the thing, how come Merlin saw her in her room when only 10 seconds ago we saw her leaving the castle and going to the dungeons?????
Shirtless!Arthur: *is SEXAY*
Fangirls: *swoon*
Arthur: Merlin, what are you doing?!
Merlin: *gasps and stares* Uh... uh...
Arthur/Merlin slashers: DUDE, THEY'RE MAKING THIS TOO EASY!!! *write more fics*
OH any episode with a shirtless Arthur is a good episode in my book!
He also gets all angry because apparently Merlin broke his favorite mirror. How is he supposed to do his morning "I feel pretty, oh so pretty" routine now, HUH???
Merlin then sees troll!Catrina leaving her room and decides to follow her. Even though he could just grab Arthur and SHOW him how Lady Catrina is actually a troll, but why make it easy?
Anyway, he follows her to the dungeons where he finds her sleeping and farting and burping and it really is disgusting, so he leaves immediately and goes straight to Gaius, but not before Igor sees him.
But the question remains... who was that person leaving the castle in the middle of the night?????
I guess we'll never know...
Gaius decides to go to Uther straight away and tell him that his new girlfriend is a troll. Merlin LOLz because, yeah... it's totally gonna work!
However, either that castle is really huge or Gaius is getting way too old because, even though he leaves "straight away", he only reaches Uther in the morning.
But it doesn't matter anyway because Uther obviously doesn't believe him.
Now here's where I also got confused... You know that thing on Igor's hand? It looks like a tail. It moves like a tail. It actually is a much more convincing tail than that green thing that Merlin saw. But it can't possibly be his tail because his tail was green! And it didn't have fur!
But anyway, Igor tells Not-Catrina that Merlin's been spying on her, but she's not that worried about him now.
Gaius: Please don't say anything, Merlin.
Merlin: I wasn't gonna say anything!
Gaius: You were going to say 'I told you so'.
Merlin: Ok. I was. But I'm not going to now.
Gaius: Uther didn't take it well.
Merlin: OH SEE? I told you---
Gaius: *stares*
Merlin: Sorry.
Heeheee I love Merlin and Gaius! ♥
Not-Catrina then decides her relationship with Uther is going too slow, so she spices things up a bit by going "bippity boppity boo" on some medalion thing. And if you're thinking of asking where did they get it, well you're clearly missing the point. The point is: look, she's got green blood!!!
She then gives the medalion to Uther claiming it's a gift from her dead father or something and OMG LOOK AT UTHER'S FACE!!!! Oh, that is just priceless! He looks like a 4-year old who's just seen Santa!
Igor and Not-Catrina are all happy that their plan is working. And I find it very interesting that not even Igor can look at her eating her rotten, smelly things without cringing.
It makes me wonder why he's even working for her in the first place? I'm sure there must be other baddies out there looking for assistants! Or maybe he's sent applications all over the place and no one wanted him so he ended up working for a troll.
We've all been there, people.
Gaius: You called for me, sire?
Uther: Ah Gaius! You'll be delighted to hear that I've completely ignored what you told me.
Gaius: Yes, 'delighted' is not the word I'd use.
Uther: OH, isn't this a lovely evening? OH I must say, you look great in blue. You know what else is blue? The skyyyy! Awwww, look at the skyyy, it's so pretty!!!! And bluuuuue!
Gaius: Indeed it is, sire. So what about Lady Catrina?
Uther: Catrina? Pffff, don't be silly, she's not blue! Nor is she a troll! She's soooo pretty. You know what else is pretty, Gaius?
Gaius: ... the sky, sire?
Uther: Yeeeeees!!!!! =D
Uther in love is one of the funniest things this show has ever had!
Funny how Gaius doesn't even notice Uther's new bling and doesn't even question the way that Uther's acting now, assuming that it will all be over if they show him Not-Catrina's true form.
Unfortunately for Merlin, that means having to use magic in front of the king. But he really shouldn't worry, the way Uther is now, all they needed to do was distract him with something shiny and then I'm sure they could use all the magic they wanted!
Not-Catrina: Wow, that's an awfully big kingdom!
Uther: You're prettyyyyy. And you have pretty hair!
Not-Catrina: That's very lovely, sweety, but about the kingdom--
Uther: You have pretty eyes! And pretty skin!
Not-Catrina: UTHER, FOCUS! THE KINGDOM!
Uther: What about it?
Not-Catrina: I want it.
Uther: Ok, cool.
Uther and Not-Catrina then announce their engagement to the people of Camelot... or at least to the ones who could fit in that room. Arthur is clearly feeling like he's getting punk'd, Morgana and Gwen are truly amused, Uther is giggling like a fool and no one notices Merlin doing incantations in the corner. And no one notices when Not-Catrina's skin starts moving.
Well, no one except Igor.
It doesn't work, though, and Not-Catrina is able to resist Merlin's magic, so she and Igor start plotting evil plots against him.
Merlin then tries talking to Arthur and tell him that Catrina is really a troll, but he just starts laughing. And he's apparently accepted that Not-Catrina will be his new mommy and completely ignores what Merlin is trying to tell him.
Like I said, Merlin-Arthur = Gaius-Uther!
As he's leaving Arthur's room, he finds Igor crying in the corner. He tells Merlin about how evil his mistress is and that he's been held against his will. Merlin trusts him enough to not even ask him to go along as he enters the dungeons and finds the place where Igor says Not-Catrina keeps her potions. He ends up finding troll!Catrina herself, who then traps our intrepid-yet-incredibly-dumb hero inside by blowing up the entrance.
I just marvel at the wonder of those medieval sound-proof walls! They can blow up the dungeons right underneath the castle and no one will hear or feel a thing. Wow!
Merlin then spends the whole night trying every spell he knows to try and blow up the pile of rocks blocking his escape, from "Open Sesame!" to "Expelliarmus!" to "OHCRAPJUSTLETMEOUT-iarmus". Nothing works.
But then again, it's not like there's anyone's even wondering where he is!
The marriage starts. Merlin can't get out. Uther walks in giggling like a giggly fool along with Arthur who's wearing that girly crown of his. Merlin still can't get out. Not-Catrina walks in wearing a pretty wedding dress that I've no idea where she got from. Merlin still can't get out.
By the time Merlin finally manages to yell his spell in the right frequency to move the rocks, the ceremony is already happening and he has to run and push random people off the side and out of his way. It's actually quite hilarious.
But when he gets there, Igor is guarding the door and won't let him pass.
Merlin then decides to fight his way past Igor, which obviously doesn't work because everyone knows he has no upper body strength whatsoever, even though magic would be much more effective, particularly now that he's in a hurry!
So after he gets his ass kicked and thrown all over the place (AGAIN, those sound-proof walls are just fantastic! You can have two people fighting and breaking everything in one room, and just on the other side of the door no one will hear a THING!), Merlin finally uses magic. And it works! DUH!
However, by the time Merlin arrives to the scene, ready to shout "STOP THIS WEDDING!", the happy couple is married and Not-Catrina is already the new Queen of Camelot.
Bugger.
But then again, how exactly was he going to stop the wedding? Did he really think that if he ran in yelling "THE BRIDE IS A TROLL!!!!!" people would believe him?! I'm sure that he'd just end up thrown back in the dungeon and the wedding would still happen.
So yeah, that's how it ends.
I can say that I've enjoyed this episode a lot more after doing this (hmmm maybe it's the puppies? And by the way, I googled those pics so I don't know who to credit!), but it's definitely not one of my favorites.
If you read the whole thing... Wow, sorry to make you go through this, mate! You deserve some cookies!
Now that it's over I remember why I promised myself I'd never do it again... These things are tough to make and I clearly don't know how to make them short.
And now I really feel like rewatching Troll 2...