(no subject)
I'm feeling very very emotional and have been crying at cat food commercials all day. But my cousin is alive, and it's a miracle.
Life can be so sad, so hard, so mind-body-numbingly terrifying. Then life can be miraculous, can be warm, and hopeful. And the last long long weeks there's been so much of all of those thing that I feel like I don't know what I feel, and I've wanted so many different things it's become hard to remember what I really wanted when I came here. Independence I suppose, space and freedom. There are people I love in both countries, and there are people I truly, truly hate. There are some people I don't know how I feel about.
I do love all my sisters and if anything happened to any one of them I would be absolutely shattered, and I would hate to end things like we left them. Cera, can we talk? And Rosa, I'm sorry my leaving hurt you.
You should all come over to England for a visit, I miss my whole family. Though I am so very, very grateful for all the people I have met here :) Daria and Lily and Kay and Tamm and Allanah, and finding a familiar face in Isabella has been wonderful too. I don't know what I would do without you all. When I first told my friends in Spain I was pregnant I started picking up on a lot of... judgment, I guess, but never to my face. But they wouldn't get excited with me, they started to do tings without me and I pushed them away too and now it doesn't feel like they were really friends at all, but the people I've met here, you seem real. Like real friends. Like you wouldn't talk about me behind my back and laugh.
Thank you :) I feel like someone is truly watching over me.
See I told you I was getting emotional... Aren't you glad you can't see my face right now? Such a mess. I'm going to stop before I say anything else I'll just get embarrassed about later.
Life can be so sad, so hard, so mind-body-numbingly terrifying. Then life can be miraculous, can be warm, and hopeful. And the last long long weeks there's been so much of all of those thing that I feel like I don't know what I feel, and I've wanted so many different things it's become hard to remember what I really wanted when I came here. Independence I suppose, space and freedom. There are people I love in both countries, and there are people I truly, truly hate. There are some people I don't know how I feel about.
I do love all my sisters and if anything happened to any one of them I would be absolutely shattered, and I would hate to end things like we left them. Cera, can we talk? And Rosa, I'm sorry my leaving hurt you.
You should all come over to England for a visit, I miss my whole family. Though I am so very, very grateful for all the people I have met here :) Daria and Lily and Kay and Tamm and Allanah, and finding a familiar face in Isabella has been wonderful too. I don't know what I would do without you all. When I first told my friends in Spain I was pregnant I started picking up on a lot of... judgment, I guess, but never to my face. But they wouldn't get excited with me, they started to do tings without me and I pushed them away too and now it doesn't feel like they were really friends at all, but the people I've met here, you seem real. Like real friends. Like you wouldn't talk about me behind my back and laugh.
Thank you :) I feel like someone is truly watching over me.
See I told you I was getting emotional... Aren't you glad you can't see my face right now? Such a mess. I'm going to stop before I say anything else I'll just get embarrassed about later.