(no subject)
Here goes another one of those entries that I start to babble and try to make everything make sense but there's probably only one person who is going to understand it, which is just fine because everything that I write is for him anyway. I guess that's kind of why I started my live journal, something to hide behind when I need to say something and can't say it outright. But I'm feeling fairly loquacious at the moment so I need to say it before I forget what I'm saying.
It's so hard to, even when you're having a huge argument and you couldn't be anymore mad, know that, despite how hateful and stupid you're being, know how much love you have for that person and how happy you truly are even when what's being said or done completely destroys your heart.
And for the longest time I hated love and would avoid it at all costs without having reason. Now I have reason and I hate love, but I love loving this person. Even when it hurts the most, all I can do is keep loving him. And I hate it, I think, but it makes me happy. I could be screaming that I hate him and all the while love him that much more.
And while I am a horrible, lying, unfaithful person to him, and this is the worst and most cliche excuse in the world, I do it because I love him. I hurt him and it breaks my heart but what I did to hurt him always ends up being I did it because of the hurt that comes from love.
So maybe this is why I hate love: While I do believe in the Bible and the values it holds, it says that Love is patient, kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self serving, love is not easily angered, love keeps no record of wrong doings, love never delights in evil but rejoices in the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never ends...Here's my version: Love is infinite patience, love is kind when in happiness. Love envies everything that shares the object of its affection which is why it boasts how much love exists because of how proud of it you are. Love is rude when in comfort because when you're in love, you really don't care. Love serves your beloved, and is easily angered when it can't, and the record of wrongs that you have committed against your love is never forgotten. Love breaks your heart when it comes across evil, but still rejoices knowing that love exists. Love would lay their life down for the other, love always trusts, but is so scared to do so and always hopes for forever. Love withstands stupid arguments, and in the end, you still have love.
I hate love, but I love being in it.
I love you.
It's so hard to, even when you're having a huge argument and you couldn't be anymore mad, know that, despite how hateful and stupid you're being, know how much love you have for that person and how happy you truly are even when what's being said or done completely destroys your heart.
And for the longest time I hated love and would avoid it at all costs without having reason. Now I have reason and I hate love, but I love loving this person. Even when it hurts the most, all I can do is keep loving him. And I hate it, I think, but it makes me happy. I could be screaming that I hate him and all the while love him that much more.
And while I am a horrible, lying, unfaithful person to him, and this is the worst and most cliche excuse in the world, I do it because I love him. I hurt him and it breaks my heart but what I did to hurt him always ends up being I did it because of the hurt that comes from love.
So maybe this is why I hate love: While I do believe in the Bible and the values it holds, it says that Love is patient, kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self serving, love is not easily angered, love keeps no record of wrong doings, love never delights in evil but rejoices in the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never ends...Here's my version: Love is infinite patience, love is kind when in happiness. Love envies everything that shares the object of its affection which is why it boasts how much love exists because of how proud of it you are. Love is rude when in comfort because when you're in love, you really don't care. Love serves your beloved, and is easily angered when it can't, and the record of wrongs that you have committed against your love is never forgotten. Love breaks your heart when it comes across evil, but still rejoices knowing that love exists. Love would lay their life down for the other, love always trusts, but is so scared to do so and always hopes for forever. Love withstands stupid arguments, and in the end, you still have love.
I hate love, but I love being in it.
I love you.