(no subject)
I'm back. I'm so happy I still have this journal after so many years. The past 10 years of my life have been amazing, mind-blowing, growing, paradigm-changing, painful, fun, crazy, chaotic and blissful. I'm happy to be where I am now, but what a ride!
I'm feeling pretty good. Growing in consistency in my life, which is huge for me. For the past 5 years I have been changing jobs and relationships and spiritual ideas like crazy. Finally, I feel like things are settling down. I am working through why I run away and change things all the time. It's hard, but worth it. I feel a little like Helen Keller when she is just starting to understand words and how to communicate with others. For the past few years, specifically in my spiritual journey, I have felt like Helen Keller before understanding. Flailing around, desperately wanting to understand, wanting to be loved but not getting it, not feeling it, until I'm just a girl on my knees, muddy, crying and finally surrendering.
I'm still feeling new at life, but seeing the buds on the trees of growth.
Well, here I am at work. I am back at a law firm, loving it for the most part. I work in downtown St. Paul. I like St. Paul so much more than Minneapolis. It just feels friendlier. I like that it's not so big and corporate feeling. When I go outside at lunch it feels like I'm outside and not like I'm still in the midst of a huge maze of buildings that are obscuring my sunshine. Plus, the people here are really nice and I just feel like I fit in. And, having a real job again with real benefits and regular paychecks is so wonderful after having some years of uncertainty.
There are still hard things in my life, but I feel some solidity now which is a great feeling. Oh, I have so much more to say but I have to go and work now.
I can't wait to be here in this community again.
I'm feeling pretty good. Growing in consistency in my life, which is huge for me. For the past 5 years I have been changing jobs and relationships and spiritual ideas like crazy. Finally, I feel like things are settling down. I am working through why I run away and change things all the time. It's hard, but worth it. I feel a little like Helen Keller when she is just starting to understand words and how to communicate with others. For the past few years, specifically in my spiritual journey, I have felt like Helen Keller before understanding. Flailing around, desperately wanting to understand, wanting to be loved but not getting it, not feeling it, until I'm just a girl on my knees, muddy, crying and finally surrendering.
I'm still feeling new at life, but seeing the buds on the trees of growth.
Well, here I am at work. I am back at a law firm, loving it for the most part. I work in downtown St. Paul. I like St. Paul so much more than Minneapolis. It just feels friendlier. I like that it's not so big and corporate feeling. When I go outside at lunch it feels like I'm outside and not like I'm still in the midst of a huge maze of buildings that are obscuring my sunshine. Plus, the people here are really nice and I just feel like I fit in. And, having a real job again with real benefits and regular paychecks is so wonderful after having some years of uncertainty.
There are still hard things in my life, but I feel some solidity now which is a great feeling. Oh, I have so much more to say but I have to go and work now.
I can't wait to be here in this community again.