(no subject)
I’ve become so confused and frustrated with everything lately. Nothing makes sense to me anymore; I don’t even feel like I understand my own self. It could be that this is just post-being-home-for-the-weekend nostalgia, but somehow I don’t think so. I mean, how is it that the entire school year is almost finished and I still can’t handle going home for a few days without coming back feeling like my world is upside down? I feel as though I know myself and know who I am far less now than I ever have. And its possibly one of the worst times I could have ‘picked’ to wind up feeling like this, because its when I have to be choosing a major and making some big decisions about life in general. What classes I take, what my major is, what extracurriculars I do (ie. student senate or not??), even the process of figuring out who is important in my life through all this mess of moving away from home - all these things are so pressing in my mind and I don’t even feel like I have enough clarity about what I want at all to even begin to make decisions. I don’t know why, but it seems like the presence of springtime always tends to bring these types of feelings about. Its as if while the snow is melted away by the sun’s reappearance, so too are the things that kept me from addressing real problems slowly melting away, until I’m left exposed and confused in the new day.