(no subject)
i finished making my new shirt...or halter top...my long sleeve shirt got a hole in the shoulder but i really love it so i didnt want to throw it away so i changed it...and today i tried it on and everything...it looks a little wierd in the front but i really like the back now...ill maybe get around sum time to post pics up.
Today Saori's coming over after cram school...around 8 or so. Im going to give her two presents...because im leaving soon and also she gave me a friendship book filled with tons of pics of us and where we have gone together...I cant believe its almost been 3 years...and not i have to leave. i really hate it...but i loved my time here and now ill be able to really start over. I painted a wooden board, with two cats on it, with a reaf of flowers around them and a ribbon on top...then the words "best Friednds" above them...Ill tell you one thing...Cats are hard to draw and paint...but my teacher helped me and they actually dont look too bad. Then i made a little photoalbum of when we went to Yakushima...I hope she really likes them. I was stupid and didnt take a picture of the painting before i wrapped it...so umm yeah no one has seen it besides my mom and tommy. lol.
its been twelve(sp?) days since i stopped cutting...i feel proud but now im starting to feel stupid for cutting in the first place. but its so hard to stop...when im so stressed out about so many other things right now (like my brother hating me) so now ive started to bite my nails like shit again...stay up reading...sleep late in the mornings...and just really not doing anything usefull. oh well.
god i feel like no one respects who i am...no one...Not even my own family. I guess im just too sensitive and get upset about the most little things. i just want to go some where and be who i am and not be judged by what kind of music i listen to...what kind of clothes im wearing...what my ideas are...and what my fucking favorite color is. Im not ready to die yet...And i want to make my life so memorable...i can only be a kid once...why do parents have to be so protective?? i want to do normal stuff...i want to be able to express my dreams...It seems like this is the only place that i can just say anything, but still i cant say everything. I know people care about me...But NO one knows me...what ive been through in life...what i really think...why i like the music i like...why i get upset about certain things...and what my true dream is when i move out.
I love my friends. I love my family. And im actually starting to love me. But no one really knows...
Today Saori's coming over after cram school...around 8 or so. Im going to give her two presents...because im leaving soon and also she gave me a friendship book filled with tons of pics of us and where we have gone together...I cant believe its almost been 3 years...and not i have to leave. i really hate it...but i loved my time here and now ill be able to really start over. I painted a wooden board, with two cats on it, with a reaf of flowers around them and a ribbon on top...then the words "best Friednds" above them...Ill tell you one thing...Cats are hard to draw and paint...but my teacher helped me and they actually dont look too bad. Then i made a little photoalbum of when we went to Yakushima...I hope she really likes them. I was stupid and didnt take a picture of the painting before i wrapped it...so umm yeah no one has seen it besides my mom and tommy. lol.
its been twelve(sp?) days since i stopped cutting...i feel proud but now im starting to feel stupid for cutting in the first place. but its so hard to stop...when im so stressed out about so many other things right now (like my brother hating me) so now ive started to bite my nails like shit again...stay up reading...sleep late in the mornings...and just really not doing anything usefull. oh well.
god i feel like no one respects who i am...no one...Not even my own family. I guess im just too sensitive and get upset about the most little things. i just want to go some where and be who i am and not be judged by what kind of music i listen to...what kind of clothes im wearing...what my ideas are...and what my fucking favorite color is. Im not ready to die yet...And i want to make my life so memorable...i can only be a kid once...why do parents have to be so protective?? i want to do normal stuff...i want to be able to express my dreams...It seems like this is the only place that i can just say anything, but still i cant say everything. I know people care about me...But NO one knows me...what ive been through in life...what i really think...why i like the music i like...why i get upset about certain things...and what my true dream is when i move out.
I love my friends. I love my family. And im actually starting to love me. But no one really knows...