What Makes A Person
Title: What Makes A Person
Author: CSI_Niteowl
Spoilers: None unless you didn’t know David had hamsters.
Rating: PG
Pairing: Nick Stokes/David Hodges
Author’s Note: Although the title is taken from the episode Overload, the story is not about that. This was written for thecsi_slash challenge.
Warning: There are mentions of abuse but nothing graphic.
Prompt: Cloth Slum Insane
When David was four, his father gave him two hamsters to take care of while he was gone. The little boy didn’t really understand why he was leaving; all he knew was that everybody was very sad. David promised he’d "take the bestest care of them".
When David was five, his hamsters ran away. He cried himself to sleep that night, not only because he missed his pets but they had been a gift from his daddy. His mother, in an effort to cheer her son, made him a stuffed dog but David had only made a face when he saw it.
"I know this doesn’t look like the stuffed doggies you see at the store but this one is special."
"Why Mommy?"
"Well, first, I tore one of Daddy’s shirts into strips of cloth and used them for stuffing. Next, I used your old receiving blanket for the outside material and finally the mouth, nose and eyes are buttons from a blouse of mine. So, you see Davey, this little puppy has pieces of us all." She kissed the top of his head. "That’s what makes it so special."
When David was six, his father was killed in the war. He didn’t remember him well but it made him sad because his mother was upset. She cried a lot and didn’t play with him anymore. Then one day she was suddenly gone. David tried to figure out where she was but he didn’t understand the words the grown ups were using. Words like depression, insanity and suicide were foreign to him and they scared him. All he could figure out for sure was that Mommy was gone and she wasn’t coming back. Someone told him that she was in heaven with Daddy now. He couldn’t understand why she didn’t take him with her.
When David was eight, he learned what guilt was. He had been living with his grandfather since his mother’s death. He was a miserable, spiteful man who had never liked his daughter-in-law and took pleasure in pointing out all of her flaws to the boy. In fact, when David first came to stay, he would cry for his mommy and the old man would respond by saying his mother didn’t care enough about him to stick around so he should stop whining for her. David often found himself wishing Grandpa would go away like his parents did. Then one day he came home from school and the neighbor lady was waiting for him. She said his grandpa had gotten sick and was in the hospital. Two days later, he was died.
When David was ten he was shipped off to yet another relative, this time he went to an uncle, his mommy’s brother, he thinks. He realized that maybe his grandfather hadn’t been so mean after all; at least he didn’t hit him. He learned fast to hide when his uncle was drinking.
When David was twelve Child Protective Services removed him from his uncle’s care, citing abuse, neglect and slum-like living conditions. The social worker kept reassuring him that they would find a good home for him. David didn’t believe it though, if his own mother killed herself to get away from him, why would anyone want him?
When David was sixteen he walked through the doors of yet another school. It was the ninth or maybe tenth, he’d lost count. He’d also lost track of all the different relatives he’d lived with. Currently, he was with his great aunt. David didn’t even try to make friends anymore because he knew soon he would be shuffled off to someone else. His life consisted of school, studying and television. He especially loved television. He could lose himself in the programs and forget about the loneliness, pain and fear that had become a constant in his young life.
When David was eighteen he couldn’t conceal the smug look on his face as he left his latest home. He had spend most of his life listening to one relative or another telling him how stupid he was and that he’d never get into any college. Yet here he was with a full scholarship to Williams College. He had worked hard, determined to prove them all wrong and he had succeeded.
When David was twenty-five he had his first real relationship with a man. Things were good until he came home from work late for the third night in a row. His lover had hit him and for David that was it. He walked out that night and never looked back.
When David was thirty he moved to Los Angles and took a job with the LA Crime Lab. He was good at what he did; no one could deny that, but his social skills were virtually non existent. David seemed aloof and moody. Most would say he was stuck-up. They didn’t know that he was only wearing a mask, a mask that he had perfected during his childhood. In truth, he was lonely and self-conscious.
When David was thirty-eight he was transferred to Las Vegas. He really hadn’t wanted to leave L.A. but he figured he was lucky to have a job at all. Yeah, he knew better than to shove his homophobic boss into that file cabinet but damn, it sure felt good.
David was a little freaked out after his introduction to the graveyard supervisor. Gil Grissom had an office full of dead bugs and animals, which was creepy enough but then he calmly informed the tech he needed his blood. Oh, this was so much better than L.A.
David had been there for two days before he met him, the golden boy of the LVCL. He had come breezing into the lab with six pieces of evidence for David to analysis.
"You’ll have this done within the hour, right?"
"How many hands does it look like I have?"
Golden boy just grinned. "The last tech could have done all this in half that time."
David snorted. "I believe that may be why he is no longer employed here."
"What about you? Why are you employed here instead of L.A.?"
Mercifully the CSI’s pager went off and he left. David frowned. He had hoped the events of L.A. wouldn’t follow him but obviously he was wrong.
David had never really fit in anywhere, he was use to it. So he didn’t understand why it hurt to watch the close knit relationship his co-workers had. He was contemplating that very fact when golden boy appeared out of nowhere.
"You know, you could join us, if you want."
"Jesus Stokes, are you trying to give me a heart attack."
"Nah" Nick grinned. "Too much paperwork."
David rolled his eyes.
"Come on, you’ve been here for two months. It won’t hurt you to be a little social."
"And what makes you think I’d want too?"
"Um, the fact you’ve been staring at us for the last ten minutes."
"I was daydreaming." David said defensively.
"Daydreaming, huh? So tell me what does David Hodges dream about?"
"That’s none of your business."
"Wanna know what I dream about?" Nick moved into David’s personal space.
David nodded, almost against his will.
Nick leaned closer and whispered, "If you’ll come home with me, I’ll show you."
When David was thirty-nine Nick said told him he loved him,
David shook his head and backed away from him. "Don’t! You can’t love me. I’m not good enough."
"Good enough for what?"
"To be loved."
Nick’s heart broke for David, who suddenly seemed like a scared little boy.
"I- I should go." David headed for the door but Nick grabbed his arm.
"Who did this to you, honey?"
"Nobody did anything to me." David jerked his arm away.
"So you just decided all by yourself that you don’t deserve to be loved?"
"No one’s ever loved me." David almost whispered. "Well, maybe my mom but even that’s doubtful."
Nick pulled him into a hug. "They were all fools, then."
David pulled back so he could see Nick’s face. "I don’t think that I know how to love."
"Yes, you do." Nick smiled. "I know you do."
When David was forty he moved in with Nick. They were unpacking the last few boxes when Nick started laughing. David looked up to see what was so funny and froze.
"Babe, what exactly is this?" Nick held up a faded, misshaped dog.
David snatched it out of his hands. "Don’t laugh at Patches."
"Patches?" Nick tried to stop laughing but it was no use, not with David standing there holding the dog close to his chest.
David glared. "Yeah, I know he looks funny but he’s all I’ve got left of my mom and dad."
Nick sobered at that. "What do you mean?"
David told him about his mom making it for him, what she told him and how it had been his only reminder of his family during his childhood. He also told him about how his uncle had thrown it away and he dug it out of the garbage, how he’d hid it under his mattress, how he had pleaded with the social worker to let him get it before they took him away.
"So this was your receiving blanket?"
"Yeah. Mom said I dragged it everywhere till I was about three."
Nick grinned as he looked at the cowboys and horses on the material the puppy was made of.
"What?"
"I thought I was the only cowboy you ever slept with."
When David was forty-one he had his first Christmas at the Stokes family ranch. It wasn’t the first time he’d been there though. They had visited Nick’s parents a few times. David loved it there. This was the family he’d always wanted growing up, two loving parents and brothers and sisters that genuinely cared about each other.
David was in the kitchen drinking coffee with Nick, his mom and two of his sisters.
"David, you want some more?" Jillian asked as she poured herself another cup.
"No thanks, Jillian." David smiled over his cup.
"David, my son-in-laws call me mom."
David paled. Had he called her mom? "I’m sorry, Jillian."
Nick shook his head. "Honey, I think you misunderstood her."
"I meant you can call me mom, if you want." she smiled.
"But I’m not…"
"Please, you’re as much my son-in-law as anybody."
"Oh."
"You don’t have to, if you don’t want too."
David brain finally decided to work. "I would be honored to call you mom."
"Good." Jillian got up and hugged David.
Suddenly there was a loud crash and the women went to investigate.
"Are you okay?" Nick asked when they were alone.
David simply nodded.
Nick stood up. "Shall we go see what the rug rats have done now?"
David grabbed his hand. "Thank you."
"I didn’t ask her to do it, if that’s what you’re thanking me for."
"I know that." David stood up and kissed him. "Growing up all I ever wanted was to have a real home, a real family and someone that really loved me. You have given me all of those things and so much more."
Nick smiled. "I know you won’t believe it but you give me just as much as I give you."
Before David could reply, Nick leaned in and started kissing him again.
"Ugh! They’re kissing again!" Nick’s niece shouted loud enough for the entire ranch to hear.
"May we help you?" Nick glared as laughter drifted into the kitchen.
"Grams sent me to see what you two were doing." she shrugged.
"Well, now that you’ve informed everyone, you can go play." David said dismissively.
"Uncle David, I’m fourteen. I don’t play!"
"Fine, go do whatever it is you do then."
She folded her arms. "You aren’t going to have sex in here, are you? Cause if you are, I’m never eating in here again."
Nick’s face turned red. "Ellen!"
She shrugged again and left. "You better get in there before they do more than kiss."
"Welcome to the family." Nick groaned as Jillian Stokes appeared in the doorway.