(no subject)

[dharmika]

So here I am in Toronto. I feel bad cause ive cried like every fucking day ive been here. I hate to do this to Mark. Im just still depressed. I realize im impatient and have gone threw a hell of a lot the past month. As everyone says the cuts still fresh. Its so fresh that the bloods fucking fire engine red. And its all over me. And I cant take it. Im in so much pain. I feel so empty and I feel lost. I know I have severe depression but I have never been this fucked before. Ive cried for the past week everyday for hours straight. Nothing makes me feel better. Like why am I even writing this. It doesn’t change anything. My past three posts have been like this. Boo hoo im fucking sad. My life sucks.. boo hoo. Well it does. Im growing great anger towards Graeme. Which is puzzling cause he’s been so supportive. But at the same time I feel so used by his penis. I fell back inlove with him the past month. And its my fault it happened but he totally separated himself from me and now my heartaches. I really don’t know how he feels though. Im sure hes upset too. But man I just went through a lot its fucking hard. Its not that I need to get over him cause im just mad at him. Its that I need to get over everything especially my depression.

I weigh like nothing
I cant eat
I wake up freaking out
My dehydrated from crying too much.

I need to check myself in somewhere cause this is wack