Love hurts real bad
Detachment? FUCK detachment man thats ubserd, something that shouldnt be heard. God I should have never fallen in love. Falling in love is bliss-full and beautiful. Loosing someone you love has to be THE most painful thing you'll ever go through. I wish things could be the way they were. I feel sick everyday when i wake up. Whats worse is seeing the person you love smothered in others girls, and you know that should be you. This fuckin girl who says shes my friend was laying on him. I swear to god i felt someone fucking stabbing me. I couldnt even fuckin look at it. I know i should get over him but i cant. God it gives me chills just writing about it. There is NOTHING that can change the sick feeling I have. If I was to talk to him in person, now that things are the way they are, I would probably look like a tard and break down and cry in front of him. I'd rather run into the street, i was even thinking about it. I just feel really bad. I dont want to die cuz of him, but cuz of the way i feel.My mom is in the hospital because she tried to kill herself sunday. I love her and she offended me by basically saying I'm not worth her living for. THAT doesnt even compare how i feel about him. God i feel too deep in love. I cant get out its to hard.
Someone broke into my house last night. I was home with My stepmom and my dad is working all night in San Diego. I was getting ready for bed upstairs and genevieve was downstairs and we just got off the phone with my dad and he said he wouldnt be home till tomorrow. We heard someone open our side gate and come in our patio. It was a males voice, and i know all my dads homies from venice, it wasnet them. I know all my dads friends and it didnt sound like any of them. He started talking to my dog. Its been almost a year since it happened to me and i thought the sick mother fucker was coming back for round 2. He left and I was on the phone with my dad. He made me go to his closet and grab all his knifes and guns. I was shaking and crying and loading a 9mm. I fully loaded it and held it with both hands ready to blow a fuckers head off. Genevieves never shot a gun and my dads tought me since i was 5 so i had to have it, she had the knifes. OMG i wouldve rather pulled the trigger on myself then go through wat i went through last time. He came back again 20 minutes later and came back in our gate. My dad made me scream at the top of my lungs "WHO THE FUCK IS THAT, I HAVE A FUCKIN 9MM AND IM GONNA BLOW UR FUCKIN BRAINS OUT" while i was screaming and crying scared like no other. He made me run outside and point the gun to the gate. I KNEW it was the same guy who ripped me up and he was gonna do it again and i was fuckin ready now, ready to fuckin kill. i turned into soldier mode and was calm, too calm. Pissed off like a bitch and calm. Shit came outta me i didnt even know could. I was saying what i was gonna do to him when i found him. Man I felt like Don Corlean(however you spell his name) all gangsta and shit. Im not going home though. I cant. I almost brought the gun to school. I cant be alone. Its scary like a bitch. its under my pillow right now and fully loaded not leaving it. I dont even want to take the bus cuz im scared hes watching me. I fucking change my clothes in my bathroom. I need my super dooper paratrooper mean nasty kill-a-motha-fucka dad back cuz i wouldve been fine. ANYONE even if the rock tryed to break in, my dad would rip him apart with his bare hands. i miss my dad. I know if anyone trys to hurt me he would do anything to protect me and i love that feeling. i feel so safe with him and hes so protective over me. Thats the way he shows he loves me i guess. He was like screaming on the phone "FIND THE FUCKIN GUN, YOU WOULDA BEEN DEAD BY NOW, MOVE WITH A PURPOSE KID. CALM UNDER PRESSURE, KID, CALM UNDER PRESSURE, STAY ALERT STAY ALIVE. SUCK IT UP AND DRIVE ON.!!!" Thank god i have a sergent as a father and not some old fat white dude who sits on couches and who wouldnt no how to stay alive in these situations....
Someone broke into my house last night. I was home with My stepmom and my dad is working all night in San Diego. I was getting ready for bed upstairs and genevieve was downstairs and we just got off the phone with my dad and he said he wouldnt be home till tomorrow. We heard someone open our side gate and come in our patio. It was a males voice, and i know all my dads homies from venice, it wasnet them. I know all my dads friends and it didnt sound like any of them. He started talking to my dog. Its been almost a year since it happened to me and i thought the sick mother fucker was coming back for round 2. He left and I was on the phone with my dad. He made me go to his closet and grab all his knifes and guns. I was shaking and crying and loading a 9mm. I fully loaded it and held it with both hands ready to blow a fuckers head off. Genevieves never shot a gun and my dads tought me since i was 5 so i had to have it, she had the knifes. OMG i wouldve rather pulled the trigger on myself then go through wat i went through last time. He came back again 20 minutes later and came back in our gate. My dad made me scream at the top of my lungs "WHO THE FUCK IS THAT, I HAVE A FUCKIN 9MM AND IM GONNA BLOW UR FUCKIN BRAINS OUT" while i was screaming and crying scared like no other. He made me run outside and point the gun to the gate. I KNEW it was the same guy who ripped me up and he was gonna do it again and i was fuckin ready now, ready to fuckin kill. i turned into soldier mode and was calm, too calm. Pissed off like a bitch and calm. Shit came outta me i didnt even know could. I was saying what i was gonna do to him when i found him. Man I felt like Don Corlean(however you spell his name) all gangsta and shit. Im not going home though. I cant. I almost brought the gun to school. I cant be alone. Its scary like a bitch. its under my pillow right now and fully loaded not leaving it. I dont even want to take the bus cuz im scared hes watching me. I fucking change my clothes in my bathroom. I need my super dooper paratrooper mean nasty kill-a-motha-fucka dad back cuz i wouldve been fine. ANYONE even if the rock tryed to break in, my dad would rip him apart with his bare hands. i miss my dad. I know if anyone trys to hurt me he would do anything to protect me and i love that feeling. i feel so safe with him and hes so protective over me. Thats the way he shows he loves me i guess. He was like screaming on the phone "FIND THE FUCKIN GUN, YOU WOULDA BEEN DEAD BY NOW, MOVE WITH A PURPOSE KID. CALM UNDER PRESSURE, KID, CALM UNDER PRESSURE, STAY ALERT STAY ALIVE. SUCK IT UP AND DRIVE ON.!!!" Thank god i have a sergent as a father and not some old fat white dude who sits on couches and who wouldnt no how to stay alive in these situations....