you have days to be happy, and years to be sad
for some retarded reason, Hoboken decided to have their St. Patty's day parade twelve days before St. Patrick's day. This just happened to be the same day that I was finnagled into babysitting a 2 1/2 year old who lives right smack dab in the middle of, you guessed it, downtown Hoboken. So, being amidst the insanity of massive drunken mobitude for most of the day, I was able to document the several stages that above forementioned mob goes through. 1) First stage: pre-smashed organization and excitement. Symptoms: lining up in the hundreds in front of bars at around 10:30, excitedly scarfing down disgusting Mcdononaldland hamburgers in order to try and soak up the gallons of alcohol about to be consumed, taking part in the general feeling of excitement and anticipation in the air. 2) second stage: rabble-rousing. Symptoms: attempting to disrupt a parade which consists primarily of a few bartenders from several different bars carrying banners and a few guys playing bagpipes, passing out in parks due to being completely toasted at 12:05 in the afternoon. 3) third stage: alcohol consumption to the retardedth power. Symptoms: Drinking. Shitloads. These people cant decide they're in ireland or in some demented, frat-house Bacchanal, complete with vomitorium (oh just you wait). 4) fourth stage: pass out, throw up, or get in a fight. Symptoms: do you really need my help with this one? 5) fifth stage: home is where you make it. Symptoms: time to go home, but if thats too far, just make the sidewalk your new bed. 6) sixth stage: I'm gonna make you feel pretty. Symptoms: slurringly yelling and fighting with whoever you are currently going out with, or whoever's just standing next you. 7) final stage: the morning after. Symptoms: frozen vomit (extreeemely unpretty). coffee. And there you have it, now youre all set for the debauch al awaiting you in 11 days.