[Fic] Hanging words (LavixAllen)
Allen has begun to understand what need is. He has started to understand it with red hair and green eyes.
Lavi has begun to understand what melting is. He has started to like this feeling, the sensation of ice melting in every cell, in every blood vessel.
Allen still doesn’t like red. He still relates it to blood. That kind of sticky blood which doesn’t leave your fingers. Still he is trying to learn that things may be different.
Lavi likes to learn things touching them, feeling them under his fingertips. He wonders when he will be able to learn about Allen this way. When this thought pops in his mind Lavi shivers. A long shiver, from his ankles to his hair.
At first Allen dreamt of Lavi only when he was out on mission. It was on a lonely night that for the first time he dreamt of long fingers over his skin. It was on a lonely night that for the first time he woke up with the syllables of Lavi’s name on his lips.
Lavi likes watching Allen from the corner of his eye. He likes how the image blurs but Allen’s features remain in place. He is ashamed to admit it, but he even likes the red of the scar along his pale cheek.
Slowly, almost without noticing it, Allen has begun to pray for Lavi.
Sometimes, when his hand brushes casually against Allen’s or when Allen’s face flashes in his mind before going to bed, Lavi thinks that may be a God exists after all.
They have begun to look for each other along the corridors and in the halls. Lavi’s sake during battle has become an insistent thought for Allen. As he swings is hammer Lavi always looks for white hair.
And as it happens with domino, once a piece falls all the others follow…
The hair is fresh, like if someone has washed it. Lavi feels it descending in his throat and tingling under his skin. Allen finishes to get dressed and exits the room.
His stomach grumbles and a laugh resonates behind him. Allen stops, feeling the sound inside of his head, descending slowly inside him. It’s such a peaceful sound.
- You are hungry, ne, Moyashi?
Allen wonders if someday Lavi will make a sweeter nickname for him. He blushes.
-It’s Allen…
Lavi feels something stretching inside him as he looks at Allen’s pouting face.
- Alright, Allen.
Lavi puts his arm around the younger boy’s shoulder. Allen’s breath shakes but he continues to walk.
Lavi listens to the little sounds Allen made as he eats. He seems a child happy with new toys. Lavi represses the urge to lean over the table, toss the plates apart and kiss Allen right there.
Lavi has just discovered to have a heart which can pound like the one of anyone else, still he is amazed by how fast it can beat.
Allen skin has started to tingle every time Lavi’s eye leans over it. And all trembles a bit. Allen is amazed by that eye. It is an eye that plays. That plays with him, that plays with the world. Sometimes is so deep and sometimes is like glass.
Studying history, and writing about it, Lavi has learnt many things. Still he hasn’t learnt how to be patient. And this growing heat swirling inside of him just doesn’t help. He bits his lower lip.
-Are you alright, Lavi?
Lavi shakes his head, red strands falling over his good eye.
- Yes, moyashi.
He grins.
Lavi has started to touch himself thinking about Allen. He has started some weeks after the first time they met, after that snowy day. It happened, he couldn’t avoid it. He tries not too, but sometimes he really can’t hold back and he moans Allen’s name quietly under the sheets at night.
Allen feels uncomfortable when he finds his eyes lingering along the curve of Lavi’s spine, along the curves of his smiles. He doesn’t know how to get rid of that something warm and almost heavy that forms into his lower stomach.
Allen mumbles and goes back to his breakfast. Lavi still looks at him, but Allen knows he is somewhere else with his mind, his single eye is almost fogged. Allen feels something gripping his insides, and he almost wants to reach out and brush his hand over Lavi’s cheek to bring him back there, to bring him back at staring to him. Instead he digs into the strawberry mousse.
Lavi thinks about “home”. And for the first time he thinks it is unfair that he can’t have one. He finds himself hoping that what he feels right now for the white haired boy is nothing more than attraction, something that time can swap away. Because once Lavi made a choice, the one to become a Bookman, and he doesn’t want to make choices anymore.
As Allen finish is mousse he deliberately let his spoon fall hard in the bowl. Lavi blinks once, twice and then flashes an apologetic smile. Allen gulps and gets up.
- Hey moyashi, where are you going?
- I have to work on my reports.
Allen looks at the bowl, at the tray, at his boots.
- Mhh. Gonna help you then.
- Wha?
Lavi grins and Allen feels his eyes going wide.
- C’mon, Allen!
The white haired boy tries to keep in his ears the sound of Lavi’s voice pronouncing his name. He pushes his hands in his pockets.
- A-alright.
Allen likes the scent that lingers in the library, is made of old paper and dust. Sometimes he is able to smell it on Lavi, on his clothes, on his hair, when he is close. He tries to focus on the report but words continue to slip through his fingers. Lavi has his face hidden behind a book, his feet on the table between them. Lavi reads the same line for something like the fourth time. He listens and notices that the pen is not writing. He lowers the book.
- Hey, Allen. You don’t know what to write?
- Uhm…well..
Lavi gets up and rounds the table. Allen holds his breath as he leans over his shoulder. Lavi’s red hair fill the corner of his eye.
- If you want I can write it for you…
Lavi’s breath ghosts over his ear, and Allen has to repress the little sound which is threatening to escape from his mouth.
- D-do you think I’m such an idiot, Lavi?
Lavi chuckles and Allen relaxes a bit.
Allen looks at Lavi’s hand open on the surface of the table. His fingers are long and elegant. They are made to write. Allen wishes they could touch him. Allen knows they will never be allowed to touch each other in the way he desires.
- W-well, I have to go now.
Lavi moves away to let Allen get up. He bites his lower lip, his single eye becomes clouded. He counts the steps Allen is making, walking towards the door, without turning back.
Allen has made ten steps when Lavi slams his hand over wood.
Allen gulps and turns around, worry and curiosity in his eyes.
- L-Lavi?
- Stop the freaking act, would ya?
Allen blinks, his blood is confused in his veins as he feels hot in places where he shouldn’t.
He swallows.
- What do you mean, I don’t catch it.
He tries to keep his voice steady.
Lavi hesitates and he curses the time he has passed as a bookman apprentice because they almost managed to make a controlled and careful person out of him, but…damn it all!
- I’ll ask you a question Allen. Is that alright?
Allen lets Lavi’s now deep voice sink into him and nods.
- What are you feeling now?
Allen’s eyes grow bigger and he shakes his head, white strands falling over his eyes.
He balls his hands.
- I can’t answer to that.
- Why is that, Allen?
Lavi presses more his hand against the wood. Their voices are loud now and echo in the room but he doesn’t care.
- I said I can’t.
- Dammit! Then I’ll tell you what I feel instead!
Allen is afraid, because he knows probably Lavi doesn’t feel the same as him, but still he doesn’t want him to say it out loud. Words make all more real. More painful.
For a moment he wishes he could still be the arrogant boy he was before meeting Mana, but he knows he can’t go back, he knows he doesn’t want to.
Lavi feels like he is on the edge, ready to fall and reach the ground with a “thud”.
- I…I feel like some freaking little kid running after fairies. And I cannot stop to run to you and to want you, Allen.
Allen feels his jaw drops and something sinking oh so deep inside of him.
Lavi lifts his gaze a bit, he sees Allen’s little face, his white hair so white against the dark brown of the door.
Lavi feels his cheeks growing hotter. He can’t think about nothing else except that now that he has said it, it is so definitive, the words seem to be written in the air between them.
And then he sees Allen moving through the words hanging there. Ten steps again.
Allen is standing in front of him, his arm along his body.
Lavi swallows. He knows he has to do something, to move at least.
- So…
Allen’s fingers are strong, that’s what Lavi founds himself thinking as he feels them around his neck.
Allen’s lips are way better from what he has imagined, from what he has dreamt.
He smiles seeing how chaste and shy is his kiss. He finds the strength to move his arms and slowly cups Allen’s cheeks. He licks the lips he has desired so much.
Allen feels his interior tremble and solving at the edges, he wants to laugh and to smile at the same time. He shivers feeling Lavi’s tongue and parts his lips. Lavi’s tongue moves slowly around and Allen can’t hold back a small sound. Lavi smiles against his lips.
When they part Lavi slides his arms around Allen’s waist.
They don’t say anything. They stand there, the words still hanging over them.
Lavi has begun to understand what melting is. He has started to like this feeling, the sensation of ice melting in every cell, in every blood vessel.
Allen still doesn’t like red. He still relates it to blood. That kind of sticky blood which doesn’t leave your fingers. Still he is trying to learn that things may be different.
Lavi likes to learn things touching them, feeling them under his fingertips. He wonders when he will be able to learn about Allen this way. When this thought pops in his mind Lavi shivers. A long shiver, from his ankles to his hair.
At first Allen dreamt of Lavi only when he was out on mission. It was on a lonely night that for the first time he dreamt of long fingers over his skin. It was on a lonely night that for the first time he woke up with the syllables of Lavi’s name on his lips.
Lavi likes watching Allen from the corner of his eye. He likes how the image blurs but Allen’s features remain in place. He is ashamed to admit it, but he even likes the red of the scar along his pale cheek.
Slowly, almost without noticing it, Allen has begun to pray for Lavi.
Sometimes, when his hand brushes casually against Allen’s or when Allen’s face flashes in his mind before going to bed, Lavi thinks that may be a God exists after all.
They have begun to look for each other along the corridors and in the halls. Lavi’s sake during battle has become an insistent thought for Allen. As he swings is hammer Lavi always looks for white hair.
And as it happens with domino, once a piece falls all the others follow…
The hair is fresh, like if someone has washed it. Lavi feels it descending in his throat and tingling under his skin. Allen finishes to get dressed and exits the room.
His stomach grumbles and a laugh resonates behind him. Allen stops, feeling the sound inside of his head, descending slowly inside him. It’s such a peaceful sound.
- You are hungry, ne, Moyashi?
Allen wonders if someday Lavi will make a sweeter nickname for him. He blushes.
-It’s Allen…
Lavi feels something stretching inside him as he looks at Allen’s pouting face.
- Alright, Allen.
Lavi puts his arm around the younger boy’s shoulder. Allen’s breath shakes but he continues to walk.
Lavi listens to the little sounds Allen made as he eats. He seems a child happy with new toys. Lavi represses the urge to lean over the table, toss the plates apart and kiss Allen right there.
Lavi has just discovered to have a heart which can pound like the one of anyone else, still he is amazed by how fast it can beat.
Allen skin has started to tingle every time Lavi’s eye leans over it. And all trembles a bit. Allen is amazed by that eye. It is an eye that plays. That plays with him, that plays with the world. Sometimes is so deep and sometimes is like glass.
Studying history, and writing about it, Lavi has learnt many things. Still he hasn’t learnt how to be patient. And this growing heat swirling inside of him just doesn’t help. He bits his lower lip.
-Are you alright, Lavi?
Lavi shakes his head, red strands falling over his good eye.
- Yes, moyashi.
He grins.
Lavi has started to touch himself thinking about Allen. He has started some weeks after the first time they met, after that snowy day. It happened, he couldn’t avoid it. He tries not too, but sometimes he really can’t hold back and he moans Allen’s name quietly under the sheets at night.
Allen feels uncomfortable when he finds his eyes lingering along the curve of Lavi’s spine, along the curves of his smiles. He doesn’t know how to get rid of that something warm and almost heavy that forms into his lower stomach.
Allen mumbles and goes back to his breakfast. Lavi still looks at him, but Allen knows he is somewhere else with his mind, his single eye is almost fogged. Allen feels something gripping his insides, and he almost wants to reach out and brush his hand over Lavi’s cheek to bring him back there, to bring him back at staring to him. Instead he digs into the strawberry mousse.
Lavi thinks about “home”. And for the first time he thinks it is unfair that he can’t have one. He finds himself hoping that what he feels right now for the white haired boy is nothing more than attraction, something that time can swap away. Because once Lavi made a choice, the one to become a Bookman, and he doesn’t want to make choices anymore.
As Allen finish is mousse he deliberately let his spoon fall hard in the bowl. Lavi blinks once, twice and then flashes an apologetic smile. Allen gulps and gets up.
- Hey moyashi, where are you going?
- I have to work on my reports.
Allen looks at the bowl, at the tray, at his boots.
- Mhh. Gonna help you then.
- Wha?
Lavi grins and Allen feels his eyes going wide.
- C’mon, Allen!
The white haired boy tries to keep in his ears the sound of Lavi’s voice pronouncing his name. He pushes his hands in his pockets.
- A-alright.
Allen likes the scent that lingers in the library, is made of old paper and dust. Sometimes he is able to smell it on Lavi, on his clothes, on his hair, when he is close. He tries to focus on the report but words continue to slip through his fingers. Lavi has his face hidden behind a book, his feet on the table between them. Lavi reads the same line for something like the fourth time. He listens and notices that the pen is not writing. He lowers the book.
- Hey, Allen. You don’t know what to write?
- Uhm…well..
Lavi gets up and rounds the table. Allen holds his breath as he leans over his shoulder. Lavi’s red hair fill the corner of his eye.
- If you want I can write it for you…
Lavi’s breath ghosts over his ear, and Allen has to repress the little sound which is threatening to escape from his mouth.
- D-do you think I’m such an idiot, Lavi?
Lavi chuckles and Allen relaxes a bit.
Allen looks at Lavi’s hand open on the surface of the table. His fingers are long and elegant. They are made to write. Allen wishes they could touch him. Allen knows they will never be allowed to touch each other in the way he desires.
- W-well, I have to go now.
Lavi moves away to let Allen get up. He bites his lower lip, his single eye becomes clouded. He counts the steps Allen is making, walking towards the door, without turning back.
Allen has made ten steps when Lavi slams his hand over wood.
Allen gulps and turns around, worry and curiosity in his eyes.
- L-Lavi?
- Stop the freaking act, would ya?
Allen blinks, his blood is confused in his veins as he feels hot in places where he shouldn’t.
He swallows.
- What do you mean, I don’t catch it.
He tries to keep his voice steady.
Lavi hesitates and he curses the time he has passed as a bookman apprentice because they almost managed to make a controlled and careful person out of him, but…damn it all!
- I’ll ask you a question Allen. Is that alright?
Allen lets Lavi’s now deep voice sink into him and nods.
- What are you feeling now?
Allen’s eyes grow bigger and he shakes his head, white strands falling over his eyes.
He balls his hands.
- I can’t answer to that.
- Why is that, Allen?
Lavi presses more his hand against the wood. Their voices are loud now and echo in the room but he doesn’t care.
- I said I can’t.
- Dammit! Then I’ll tell you what I feel instead!
Allen is afraid, because he knows probably Lavi doesn’t feel the same as him, but still he doesn’t want him to say it out loud. Words make all more real. More painful.
For a moment he wishes he could still be the arrogant boy he was before meeting Mana, but he knows he can’t go back, he knows he doesn’t want to.
Lavi feels like he is on the edge, ready to fall and reach the ground with a “thud”.
- I…I feel like some freaking little kid running after fairies. And I cannot stop to run to you and to want you, Allen.
Allen feels his jaw drops and something sinking oh so deep inside of him.
Lavi lifts his gaze a bit, he sees Allen’s little face, his white hair so white against the dark brown of the door.
Lavi feels his cheeks growing hotter. He can’t think about nothing else except that now that he has said it, it is so definitive, the words seem to be written in the air between them.
And then he sees Allen moving through the words hanging there. Ten steps again.
Allen is standing in front of him, his arm along his body.
Lavi swallows. He knows he has to do something, to move at least.
- So…
Allen’s fingers are strong, that’s what Lavi founds himself thinking as he feels them around his neck.
Allen’s lips are way better from what he has imagined, from what he has dreamt.
He smiles seeing how chaste and shy is his kiss. He finds the strength to move his arms and slowly cups Allen’s cheeks. He licks the lips he has desired so much.
Allen feels his interior tremble and solving at the edges, he wants to laugh and to smile at the same time. He shivers feeling Lavi’s tongue and parts his lips. Lavi’s tongue moves slowly around and Allen can’t hold back a small sound. Lavi smiles against his lips.
When they part Lavi slides his arms around Allen’s waist.
They don’t say anything. They stand there, the words still hanging over them.