(no subject)
[ it's taken alma.. a long time to recover. and not only recover, but to find some kind of peace with himself, with who and what he is. he still-- isn't really sure he knows, even after months, but he's-- he's doing better, anyway. he knows he is. he's not so terribly confused by it all, now, and he thinks he might remember what it was like when she was happy. really happy.
he wants to be able to feel that way. not the fleeting, terrified, queasy happiness of knowing that he hadn't been discarded. not the kind of uncertain joy he feels when yuu looks at him. he wants to know that he's in love as much as she was-- none of the confusion, none of the hurt.
at the same time, he's afraid. if he really lets her take over, the way she was always meant to be, does that mean he'll stop being alma?
and if he did-- would that really-- be so bad?
he's outside, now, perched on a bench. knees to his chest, arms wrapped around them, he's dressed in the kind of clothing he'd grown up knowing. raw silk, white, frog clasps closed at his throat and wide sleeves hiding his hands. --even now, with time spent recovering, he still bears the dark stripes down his cheeks, the clawed toes and fingers: all that remained of the akuma he'd become.
his face is tilted up, into the sun, pale eyes searching the clouds with a strange sort of contentment. it doesn't matter how much time he spends outside like this-- he never really gets enough of it. he was so deprived of everything for so terribly long that even now, many things are new and novel to him. and even if this mansion is a sort of prison for them all, he still has so much more freedom than he'd ever known before, he can't find it in him to mind much.
at least here, it's a relatively controlled environment. what would he really do out in the whole world? at least.. he didn't think he'd be able to survive alone. he wouldn't know how to. but-- if yuu was with him--
he shakes his head, expression turning faintly distressed at the thought. if yuu was with him, he hardly cares where they go. but that brings him right back around, doesn't it?
how does he define 'alma and yuu'? ]
[ ooc; omg, i'm so sorry about the tl;dr, i swear my replies won't all be that ridiculous. ;3; ]
he wants to be able to feel that way. not the fleeting, terrified, queasy happiness of knowing that he hadn't been discarded. not the kind of uncertain joy he feels when yuu looks at him. he wants to know that he's in love as much as she was-- none of the confusion, none of the hurt.
at the same time, he's afraid. if he really lets her take over, the way she was always meant to be, does that mean he'll stop being alma?
and if he did-- would that really-- be so bad?
he's outside, now, perched on a bench. knees to his chest, arms wrapped around them, he's dressed in the kind of clothing he'd grown up knowing. raw silk, white, frog clasps closed at his throat and wide sleeves hiding his hands. --even now, with time spent recovering, he still bears the dark stripes down his cheeks, the clawed toes and fingers: all that remained of the akuma he'd become.
his face is tilted up, into the sun, pale eyes searching the clouds with a strange sort of contentment. it doesn't matter how much time he spends outside like this-- he never really gets enough of it. he was so deprived of everything for so terribly long that even now, many things are new and novel to him. and even if this mansion is a sort of prison for them all, he still has so much more freedom than he'd ever known before, he can't find it in him to mind much.
at least here, it's a relatively controlled environment. what would he really do out in the whole world? at least.. he didn't think he'd be able to survive alone. he wouldn't know how to. but-- if yuu was with him--
he shakes his head, expression turning faintly distressed at the thought. if yuu was with him, he hardly cares where they go. but that brings him right back around, doesn't it?
how does he define 'alma and yuu'? ]
[ ooc; omg, i'm so sorry about the tl;dr, i swear my replies won't all be that ridiculous. ;3; ]