Around the Block
It's been a little while since I typed anything in here. Chalk it up to buying a Wii, I guess. Turns out I'm probably taking that thing a bit too far, but it's all right. I finally started getting in some major overtime. I'll have 20 hours of it in my next paycheck, but only twelve of them at time and a half since I took a personal day to go out to Indy.
That's really going to help. I'm a bit down in the dumps just trying to make ends meet. My phone bill was again very high, but two of the major offenders - women, of course - have finally fallen away, so hopefully that'll be the end of that.
The girl from Indy came over again and spent the night. It was nice to have her here and all, but I'm feeling that strange emptiness again. It's not... all there, I guess. Something isn't right with the chemistry. Why is an interesting question, but I think it boils down to not being terribly attracted to her and the fact that she doesn't actually reciprocate. Why THAT is is interesting too, but not in the usual way. I don't get the impression that she's damaged in that department, but she's definitely inexperienced and doesn't seem to want to broaden her horizons.
After throttling her for a good while I was too riled up. You get aroused doing that kind of thing, which I suppose is obvious. So I get aroused and it's almost starting to hurt, and there's no effort to return favors. Puts you in a weird position where anything you might do comes across as asking for a leg up, which is never terribly sexy. To wit:
Me: "So, you've never gone down on a guy?"
Her: "No, I haven't."
"Is it something you're interested in, or do you just think it's not your thing?"
"I'm not saying I wouldn't try it. I guess I've just never met a guy I wanted to try it with."
So it sort of ended there. Luckily I was so turned off by the exchange that everything fizzled out right fast. That little conversation sounds icky, doesn't it? I guess you just hit a certain point where everything south of the border is straining and you're just like, "Hello?" I wanted something to happen, and it was clear it wasn't going to. I picked up on the subtext right away, you know, that I'm not a guy she wants to try that with. Which I suppose is just as well - at this point in my life I require some experience in that department. It's a little sad because I've been around the block a few too many times, but there you go.
Bad sexual chemistry.
So then it becomes a question of why I had her here. Companionship, yes. A warm person in my bed? Yes. But without the chemistry there it smacks of a one-night stand: pleasurable but empty where it shouldn't be, so now I'm in a bit of a funk. You hit a point where you know enough about what you want, and to not have that is sometimes worse than not having anything. You'd rather it meant more when you get it. And not a HEAP more, mind you, just, you know, that it means something more than it does.
Oh, well. Guess you try something, and sometimes... ah, forget it. I have nothing very meaningful to say about it, other than that I feel unpleasant. I'm going to take it easy on myself today. I just know I need to be more honest with myself, so I'll grant myself a reprieve today.
That's really going to help. I'm a bit down in the dumps just trying to make ends meet. My phone bill was again very high, but two of the major offenders - women, of course - have finally fallen away, so hopefully that'll be the end of that.
The girl from Indy came over again and spent the night. It was nice to have her here and all, but I'm feeling that strange emptiness again. It's not... all there, I guess. Something isn't right with the chemistry. Why is an interesting question, but I think it boils down to not being terribly attracted to her and the fact that she doesn't actually reciprocate. Why THAT is is interesting too, but not in the usual way. I don't get the impression that she's damaged in that department, but she's definitely inexperienced and doesn't seem to want to broaden her horizons.
After throttling her for a good while I was too riled up. You get aroused doing that kind of thing, which I suppose is obvious. So I get aroused and it's almost starting to hurt, and there's no effort to return favors. Puts you in a weird position where anything you might do comes across as asking for a leg up, which is never terribly sexy. To wit:
Me: "So, you've never gone down on a guy?"
Her: "No, I haven't."
"Is it something you're interested in, or do you just think it's not your thing?"
"I'm not saying I wouldn't try it. I guess I've just never met a guy I wanted to try it with."
So it sort of ended there. Luckily I was so turned off by the exchange that everything fizzled out right fast. That little conversation sounds icky, doesn't it? I guess you just hit a certain point where everything south of the border is straining and you're just like, "Hello?" I wanted something to happen, and it was clear it wasn't going to. I picked up on the subtext right away, you know, that I'm not a guy she wants to try that with. Which I suppose is just as well - at this point in my life I require some experience in that department. It's a little sad because I've been around the block a few too many times, but there you go.
Bad sexual chemistry.
So then it becomes a question of why I had her here. Companionship, yes. A warm person in my bed? Yes. But without the chemistry there it smacks of a one-night stand: pleasurable but empty where it shouldn't be, so now I'm in a bit of a funk. You hit a point where you know enough about what you want, and to not have that is sometimes worse than not having anything. You'd rather it meant more when you get it. And not a HEAP more, mind you, just, you know, that it means something more than it does.
Oh, well. Guess you try something, and sometimes... ah, forget it. I have nothing very meaningful to say about it, other than that I feel unpleasant. I'm going to take it easy on myself today. I just know I need to be more honest with myself, so I'll grant myself a reprieve today.