Change
Have you ever been so uncomfortable with almost everything in your life? That is how I feel right now. It's a very strange feeling that I just can't seem to shake. It's definitely something that I've never experienced before. For a little while now, my mind has just been filled with thoughts that are very peculiar. I feel as though my life is beginning to turn upside down - or right side up - whichever it may be. The bottom line is that it's changing, although I don't know how, nor do I know why. I feel like I am a body, but somebody else's mind is making the decisions. At this point, anyone who is reading this thinks I am crazy for sure, but, whatever! My emotions have gone from one end of the spectrum to the other. I just feel as though I am completely dissatisfied with nearly everything in my life right now, and it needs to change. Right now, the only class I like in school is Russian. I look forward to going - I have fun. They have me in this advanced physics class which is absolutely ridiculous. I'm sure if I paid attention, I'd do well, but I can't pay attention. I try, but my mind is always drifting. Maybe I have ADD, or maybe I just need a change. I've lived here forever, I've seen nothing but the same surroundings. I know some people are born in one house and live there until they die, but I just can't. Granted, I haven't lived in the same house forever, but in this same crappy town - same people - same surroundings. I crave change. I need change. A move, perhaps?
Alright, I'll stop rambling about how horrible my life is. Not that it's truly horrible at all, as I'm quite lucky. But, eh, moving on.... I spent the evening with Nicole tonight. We got some Chinese food - again - and watched the season finale of Six Feet Under. I won't ruin it for you, Mel, or anyone else who may have missed it, but, I have just one word - AMAZING. It seems as though no matter how many episodes they make, it never gets old. The stories just get increasingly complex. I suppose that's almost like "real life." Needless to say, my tummy is a rumbling after the food. Only Asian & Indian can do that to me! ;-) I've been dealing with a lot of stress from Mike lately, too. Well, not FROM, but WITH. He's been incredibly stressed lately because of the moving situation, as I've told some of you. I guess the woman that is currently in the apartment is wacky and refusing to leave. So, in the meantime, he's been commuting from his aunt and uncle's house in Chappaqua into the city, which after a few weeks has gotten old. He's wearing himself down by driving so much - to Albany every weekend and such. He left this morning to drive to his parent's house in Connecticut to do laundry, take care of his cats and visit. Then, from there, back to Chappaqua. That's way too much driving for one person in one day. In all of this, he realized that he had forgotten his shoes and belt at his apartment in Albany. To make a very lengthy story, well, less lengthy, I don't know how he's kept as cool as he has. I wish I could be certain when I say everything will work out in due time. I know it will - I just have no idea when. Hopefully things will happen soon, cause I don't like to see him constantly stressing.
I am off to bed. I leave you with this poem:
I sit gazing
Gazing at a life in which I don’t belong
The ocean in the distance is much like me
Rising prosperously only to fall again
With great momentum it reaches like a strong hand into the sky
The salty green waters then buckle and fall to the sandy beach
I sit gazing
Gazing at the freely flying birds
The coastal sun warms their pure bleached white feathers
No worries, no hurries, no cares in the world
I sit gazing
Wishing that I could take part in this world
A world of fun, carelessness, and most of all, free of this pain that plagues me
-Anonymous
Alright, I'll stop rambling about how horrible my life is. Not that it's truly horrible at all, as I'm quite lucky. But, eh, moving on.... I spent the evening with Nicole tonight. We got some Chinese food - again - and watched the season finale of Six Feet Under. I won't ruin it for you, Mel, or anyone else who may have missed it, but, I have just one word - AMAZING. It seems as though no matter how many episodes they make, it never gets old. The stories just get increasingly complex. I suppose that's almost like "real life." Needless to say, my tummy is a rumbling after the food. Only Asian & Indian can do that to me! ;-) I've been dealing with a lot of stress from Mike lately, too. Well, not FROM, but WITH. He's been incredibly stressed lately because of the moving situation, as I've told some of you. I guess the woman that is currently in the apartment is wacky and refusing to leave. So, in the meantime, he's been commuting from his aunt and uncle's house in Chappaqua into the city, which after a few weeks has gotten old. He's wearing himself down by driving so much - to Albany every weekend and such. He left this morning to drive to his parent's house in Connecticut to do laundry, take care of his cats and visit. Then, from there, back to Chappaqua. That's way too much driving for one person in one day. In all of this, he realized that he had forgotten his shoes and belt at his apartment in Albany. To make a very lengthy story, well, less lengthy, I don't know how he's kept as cool as he has. I wish I could be certain when I say everything will work out in due time. I know it will - I just have no idea when. Hopefully things will happen soon, cause I don't like to see him constantly stressing.
I am off to bed. I leave you with this poem:
I sit gazing
Gazing at a life in which I don’t belong
The ocean in the distance is much like me
Rising prosperously only to fall again
With great momentum it reaches like a strong hand into the sky
The salty green waters then buckle and fall to the sandy beach
I sit gazing
Gazing at the freely flying birds
The coastal sun warms their pure bleached white feathers
No worries, no hurries, no cares in the world
I sit gazing
Wishing that I could take part in this world
A world of fun, carelessness, and most of all, free of this pain that plagues me
-Anonymous