Best of Leverage 3.4
Season 3 ep 10
Parker: I nailed it, I'm a grifter. I grift.
Nate: You do know you don't get to keep the money.
Parker: Don't ruin it.
Eliot: That will give us enough time to find the bomb.
Hardison: Oh yea, plenty of time. Meanwhile I will be here, in the van, as far away from the mine as possible, my dude, go with god.
Sophie: What are we going to do Nate?
Nate: We are going to convince him that you are a lying greedy bitch.
Nate: Okay, I'm gonna call Blackwell and draw him here. I mean, he's not gonna blow up the mine while he's in it, is he.
Eliot: It'll give us enough time to find the bomb.
Hardison: Oh yeah, plenty of time. Meanwhile, I'll be here, in the van, as far away from the mine as possible. My dude, go with God.
Sophie: The Skagway Shuffle.
Nate: Yeah. That's what I was thinking.
Hardison: See, now y'all are just making stuff up.
Sophie: It's like the Fiddle Game.
Nate: Yeah, only underground.
Parker: Is Eliot going to be the fiddle again?
Nate: No.
Sophie: No.
Parker: Can I be the fiddle?
Nate: No.
Sophie: No.
Sophie: A great grift is like a romance. You have to find out what they want and just give it to them. You have to woo them.
Parker: I don't woo.
Sophie: Find the right combination, and you can unlock the mark's trust, and then you can steal her...
Parker: ...soul.
Sophie: I was gonna say "confidence."
Hardison: Now, there's no cell reception underground. Okay, the miners, they use a leaky feeder signal to communicate in the mine. But that' not compatible with our comms. (Eliot looks bored) I know. Quite the problem. You're wondering if I have an answer? I do. Bam! I created these UHF wireless nodes to couple with the leaky feeder, boost the signal, and then we...hey! Hey, man, hey!
Eliot: Look, man, I know! I put them in the mine!
Hardison: Yeah, but they're very...
Eliot: What? I got it! They're fragile! (Storms off)
Hardison: I thought we was making progress.
Sophie: Tell me everything you know about her.
Parker: Okay, I've got some really good stuff in here. Okay, she likes sugar in her coffee--lots of sugar. And she hides tasty treats in her desk. She has a sweet tooth--maybe we could use that.
Sophie: Probably not. What else?
Parker: Umm. She never takes calls from her mother. No? Ooh, ooh! I got it. She mixes her blue pens with her black pens. In the same cup. Like...mixes them together.
Sophie: Yeah. Parker, I'm looking for something that someone might find weird. Someone normal. Uh, yeah. Someone normal might find weird.
Hardison: (playing an audio file) No! No! Ew! Old people! Ew!
Sophie: Parker, they're not working out. They're...you know.
Hardison: Sex, Parker! They're knocking boots.
Parker: Oh, yeah.
Hardison: (over the intercom) All right, Eliot. I think I got a lock on the bomb.
Eliot: I got it.
Hardison: What's it look like, man? Red wires, blue wires, what?
Eliot: (pushes a button) Boom!
Hardison: Ah-ha. You're not funny.
Hardison: Micro detonator, surround sound, dust spray, modified oxygen meter, and...what? What? Yes, I do spend my weekends making these things. Man, w-we're coming to a mine. It 's not rocket science.
Nate: I like it. It gives him a whole Village People construction-dude thing.
Hardison: Thank you.
Hardison: What are you doing?
Parker: (taking a nap) Stealing souls is exhausting.
Season 3 ep 11
Hardison: So we did all that work for nothing?
Nate: Not for nothing, you know you guys sometimes it's easy to forget why you stopped working along and became a team.
Eliot: I am going to sharpen this knife and then walk around the halls in the dark... Don't leave.
Sophie: You really can't tell? Americans! All accents sound the same. Please go on, I sound like one of the dwarves in Lord of the Rings, but continue.
Sophie: Oh My God! Wait, what's that voice?
Eliot: It's your accent.
Sophie: That's what I sound like to you?
Eliot: Why are you sending second rate thugs to try and kill me?
Thug: Hmmmm? (looks sad).
Eliot: If I am not honest with you, you will never improve.
Thug: mmm hmmm (nod).
Eliot: You took out "Government?"
Nate: You're welcome.
Nate: If we don't find Moreau, I might go back to prison forever.
Sophie: Oh, shush. You did fine in prison the first time.
Eliot: You got into shape.
Parker: Yeah, you look good in a jump suit.
Hardison: You learned how to hypnotize people.
Sophie: But when I started telling them about one of my finest jobs ever...
Eliot: But I know she's lying.
Hardison: She's a grifter. It's her job.
Parker: Wait, I'm confused. Now, she's lying about lying?
Eliot: I'm gonna need a couple of things from you. I need your clothes, and I need your little invite to this party. This can go two ways--you can give them to me, and I can stuff you in the trunk of this car, which, by the way, looks pretty comfortable. Not a bad night. Or, you can not give them to me...and I can do exactly what you'd expect a crazy guy in your back seat to do to you. (The doctor hands over his keys) That's the right choice.
Sophie: It was en route. That's like stealing my mail.
Parker: What, is stealing mail a crime? Oops.
Season 3 ep 12
Auntie: One has to love fiercely to die of a broken heart, don't you agree Charlotte?
Parker: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
Hardison: I have hacked history here!
Nate: It's just a title nobody holds.
Parker: And does it come with a castle?
Sophie: Sometimes, yeah.
Sophie: I love Claridge's auction house. Even the air feels more expensive.
Nate: Okay, let's go steal a royal title.
Parker: Yeah, but unlike a stolen Monet or the Rosalind Diamond, these pieces aren't registered or insured, so they're impossible to track. Man, I should've got into that years ago. (Everyone stares) Yeah. I mean before we went straight, of course.
Nate: Hardison, are you in their computers yet?
Hardison: Accessing. Okay, a-apparently the computer system is also an antique. Possibly steam-powered, which would be cool.
Parker: (noting a statuary in a vault) Oh, hello. Last time I saw you was at the Louvre. Well, actually you were in the back seat of my car, but before that you were at the Louvre.
Nate: Parker, focus!
Parker: Okay.
Hardison: Small one is land purchases--old manor houses up for auction, all within the last two years, all in Scotland. Ha! Places like, uh...Loch Glengorra...and Loch McGr-r-r...I'm not even gonna try to pronounce it, man. It's just a bunch of random Gs and Ns.
Eliot: Who's the Duchess of Hanover?
Hardison: And what's a lost barony?
Parker: Can I keep the statue?
Sophie: We have a lot of work to do--about 200 years' worth, actually.
Nate: All right, guys, let's go steal a royal title.
Nate: The name of this con is called "The Mummy's Tiara."
Hardison: Come on, man, that can't be real.
Parker: Am I gonna have to steal a corpse again?
Eliot: What's that smell?
Hardison: Uh, y-you don't want to know how they wet paper back in the day.
Eliot: Did you...
Hardison: Do not ask me, man.
Eliot: Damn it, Hardison!
Hardison: Why you so sensitive? You touch worse.
Eliot: I'm going out for baba ghanoush!