Come to me....if you need someone?
I find myself more so everyday becoming that person i worked so hard to berid of.
Can i not help it? Am i destined to be that cold person? I used to be such a carign soul, and i got walked on and over and used and abused. Like most people do. I went out of my way for others, and held in my feelings...for others.
I find myself talking to a guy I said those words too so long ago. Words you'll never here me say seriously...
Words i ean to family...to steff... but all others dont matter.
I find myself talking to him and htinking of those days we thought were perfect. Those september nights we'd laugh together and shiver in the night of disneyland. Those days we'd spend together at the lake and around the house, being innocent and caring. having fun in our carefree perfect world. I remember the screwed up shit i got myself into, and how I got rid of someone who was my best friend. And i remember how we got back together as best of friends, only to be slowly ripping apart. And once again fate brought us back... but this time i fear our distance might be too great. But still I try, wanting that old friend of mine back.
Why bother? People may ask... Why because thats a part of me that isn't dead...that isn't cold. Thats a part of me i wish to never die and grow old. Thats a step in the opposite4 direction of where I'm going. I need Steff and i need my friend... I need those people that used to tell me to come to them if i need someone...
I have them... but not yet in my grasp.
I'm lying to people again, i'm faking my feelings again. I'm cold and heartless, i'm an actor to those new and to those old i'm hiding behind a closet door, one that leads to a stairway to a cave, one filled with ice. But they know the way to the heating soul of my heart. That part of me that keeps going in the "right direction". Eventually i'll know what will be and what wont. Untill then... i know i'll lie and pretend to be what i'm not to those whom dont know me and never will. But the few from my past that have somehow kept a grasp... i know they will help me from killing myself "again".
I have no more points, just need a place to express whats kept up inside, now i know....I can't put it all here.
Can i not help it? Am i destined to be that cold person? I used to be such a carign soul, and i got walked on and over and used and abused. Like most people do. I went out of my way for others, and held in my feelings...for others.
I find myself talking to a guy I said those words too so long ago. Words you'll never here me say seriously...
Words i ean to family...to steff... but all others dont matter.
I find myself talking to him and htinking of those days we thought were perfect. Those september nights we'd laugh together and shiver in the night of disneyland. Those days we'd spend together at the lake and around the house, being innocent and caring. having fun in our carefree perfect world. I remember the screwed up shit i got myself into, and how I got rid of someone who was my best friend. And i remember how we got back together as best of friends, only to be slowly ripping apart. And once again fate brought us back... but this time i fear our distance might be too great. But still I try, wanting that old friend of mine back.
Why bother? People may ask... Why because thats a part of me that isn't dead...that isn't cold. Thats a part of me i wish to never die and grow old. Thats a step in the opposite4 direction of where I'm going. I need Steff and i need my friend... I need those people that used to tell me to come to them if i need someone...
I have them... but not yet in my grasp.
I'm lying to people again, i'm faking my feelings again. I'm cold and heartless, i'm an actor to those new and to those old i'm hiding behind a closet door, one that leads to a stairway to a cave, one filled with ice. But they know the way to the heating soul of my heart. That part of me that keeps going in the "right direction". Eventually i'll know what will be and what wont. Untill then... i know i'll lie and pretend to be what i'm not to those whom dont know me and never will. But the few from my past that have somehow kept a grasp... i know they will help me from killing myself "again".
I have no more points, just need a place to express whats kept up inside, now i know....I can't put it all here.