OH I LOVE THE WORLD
I recently found out someone from my past, that in the present I do not co-exist well with, has been whispering fun little myths and rumors in my friends ears. TIME FOR THE FUN!!!
True Stories Vs. A Local Band Vocalist's Stories (aka LBV)
LBV - I walked in on Dez having sex with Chimaira
Truth - I don't know Chimaira. At all. That's the first point that makes this bloody amusing. If it's imperative to create stories of me engaging in sexual activities with musicians, it'd probably be wise to at least use musicians and bands that I know. I met Chimaira once when I was 15 years old. I spent a total of possibly 4 minutes in their vicinity while my friend Amy told them how much she enjoyed their set. They said thank you, we went outside to have a cigarette. That was the last of my encountering Chimaira. If you ask them who I am, they will probably stare blankly at you. Lol, conclusively, terrible attempt number one at getting the rumor mill churning.
LBV - Dez threw a chair at my head because she was angry that I walked in on her having sex with them
Truth - I once threw a chair at this person's brother's head. And actually, it wasn't a chair, it was a barstool. Moreover, the reason why I did so, is he called me some extremely inappropriate names. At my best friends 19th birthday party….years ago….at her parents house…in Poplar Grove…no where near any bands. That is the first and last time I ever threw furniture at someone's head, or even in their general vicinity. Funny how me hitting his brother with a barstool for calling me inappropriate names, turned into me hitting him with a chair for walking in on me having sex with band members. And just for update purposes….since the incident with the brother and the barstool we have reconciled just fine. Lol. So, terrible attempt number two was interesting to say the least, and I give a C for effort for being creative enough to manipulate a true story that happened to your brother and spice it up with sad yet hysterical fabrication.
LBV - Dez is messing around/fucking Jonny Santos (formerly of Spineshank, now of Silent Civilian)
Truth - Really? Wow. That's talent right there. Having sex with Jonny Santos. I wonder what his wife, Kirsty, who is on all the tours with him, thinks about that. Or am I doing her too? Are we having a threesome? If so, is someone videotaping this, because I just can't seem to recall doing them, and wouldn't mind seeing it for myself. Or am I having sex with Jonny Santos while Kirsty videotapes? I don't think either of us would really be down with that. Especially since Kirsty and I just recently had a conversation about not being particularly fond of such things.
OH WAIT…
Maybe by "messing around/fucking" he's referring to the time, three years ago, that Jonny gave me a kiss while we were hanging out at a BBQ in Sauget, IL. WHAT WHORES. While we were eating hot dogs, drinking crappy domestic beer, and hanging out with all of our friends, having a good time, he gave me a kiss and hug. OMGZ!!!!!111!! Watch out for me everyone. I may allow people to show me affection, and we all know how extremely whorish that is. Filthy really. And as I recall, everyone knows about that…everyone that was there, all of my friends otherwise, just about everyone (including the lie puppet himself, because we used to be friends). It was amusing, and everyone gave me shit because I used to have a silly schoolgirl crush on Jonny Santos many moons ago. And I was happy that we ended up crossing paths and getting along. I was a big fan of Spineshank. That was that. The end. I haven't spoken to Jonny in years. I've spoken to Kirsty just on a recent acquaintance level.
Now, terrible attempt number three, here, at least had good points, like me actually knowing the person at one point in time. He had that much going for him. But still, unfortunately for him, it was strike three amongst the delusional, yet entertaining, bullshit.
In conclusion, friends and loved ones, if you are going to make elaborate stories, attempting to ruin the reputations of people you do not like, remember to follow these very important rules.
1.) Be intelligent enough to actually do it accurately. If you possess the mentality of a 7 year old with down syndrome, pathological lying just might not be right for you.
2.) Be sure to use places, people, objects that are actually in direct relation with the person. It's hard to fuck people you never knew. It would be quite the impressive talent, I must admit, but fairly impossible
3.) If you are going to completely twist a story that happened to someone else, and stick you in it, with a bunch of fabrication, make sure that the person doesn't have witnesses to what really happened. (A.K.A. an entire party who saw the occurrence, and/or your own brother).
4.) Be sure to tell people who aren't going to come right back to said person, and go "Hey, check this out".
5.) Don't mess with someone more intelligent than you. Kind of makes you out to be the asshole. I know, very unfair, but it's how the world works.
That is all. Good Day. :)
True Stories Vs. A Local Band Vocalist's Stories (aka LBV)
LBV - I walked in on Dez having sex with Chimaira
Truth - I don't know Chimaira. At all. That's the first point that makes this bloody amusing. If it's imperative to create stories of me engaging in sexual activities with musicians, it'd probably be wise to at least use musicians and bands that I know. I met Chimaira once when I was 15 years old. I spent a total of possibly 4 minutes in their vicinity while my friend Amy told them how much she enjoyed their set. They said thank you, we went outside to have a cigarette. That was the last of my encountering Chimaira. If you ask them who I am, they will probably stare blankly at you. Lol, conclusively, terrible attempt number one at getting the rumor mill churning.
LBV - Dez threw a chair at my head because she was angry that I walked in on her having sex with them
Truth - I once threw a chair at this person's brother's head. And actually, it wasn't a chair, it was a barstool. Moreover, the reason why I did so, is he called me some extremely inappropriate names. At my best friends 19th birthday party….years ago….at her parents house…in Poplar Grove…no where near any bands. That is the first and last time I ever threw furniture at someone's head, or even in their general vicinity. Funny how me hitting his brother with a barstool for calling me inappropriate names, turned into me hitting him with a chair for walking in on me having sex with band members. And just for update purposes….since the incident with the brother and the barstool we have reconciled just fine. Lol. So, terrible attempt number two was interesting to say the least, and I give a C for effort for being creative enough to manipulate a true story that happened to your brother and spice it up with sad yet hysterical fabrication.
LBV - Dez is messing around/fucking Jonny Santos (formerly of Spineshank, now of Silent Civilian)
Truth - Really? Wow. That's talent right there. Having sex with Jonny Santos. I wonder what his wife, Kirsty, who is on all the tours with him, thinks about that. Or am I doing her too? Are we having a threesome? If so, is someone videotaping this, because I just can't seem to recall doing them, and wouldn't mind seeing it for myself. Or am I having sex with Jonny Santos while Kirsty videotapes? I don't think either of us would really be down with that. Especially since Kirsty and I just recently had a conversation about not being particularly fond of such things.
OH WAIT…
Maybe by "messing around/fucking" he's referring to the time, three years ago, that Jonny gave me a kiss while we were hanging out at a BBQ in Sauget, IL. WHAT WHORES. While we were eating hot dogs, drinking crappy domestic beer, and hanging out with all of our friends, having a good time, he gave me a kiss and hug. OMGZ!!!!!111!! Watch out for me everyone. I may allow people to show me affection, and we all know how extremely whorish that is. Filthy really. And as I recall, everyone knows about that…everyone that was there, all of my friends otherwise, just about everyone (including the lie puppet himself, because we used to be friends). It was amusing, and everyone gave me shit because I used to have a silly schoolgirl crush on Jonny Santos many moons ago. And I was happy that we ended up crossing paths and getting along. I was a big fan of Spineshank. That was that. The end. I haven't spoken to Jonny in years. I've spoken to Kirsty just on a recent acquaintance level.
Now, terrible attempt number three, here, at least had good points, like me actually knowing the person at one point in time. He had that much going for him. But still, unfortunately for him, it was strike three amongst the delusional, yet entertaining, bullshit.
In conclusion, friends and loved ones, if you are going to make elaborate stories, attempting to ruin the reputations of people you do not like, remember to follow these very important rules.
1.) Be intelligent enough to actually do it accurately. If you possess the mentality of a 7 year old with down syndrome, pathological lying just might not be right for you.
2.) Be sure to use places, people, objects that are actually in direct relation with the person. It's hard to fuck people you never knew. It would be quite the impressive talent, I must admit, but fairly impossible
3.) If you are going to completely twist a story that happened to someone else, and stick you in it, with a bunch of fabrication, make sure that the person doesn't have witnesses to what really happened. (A.K.A. an entire party who saw the occurrence, and/or your own brother).
4.) Be sure to tell people who aren't going to come right back to said person, and go "Hey, check this out".
5.) Don't mess with someone more intelligent than you. Kind of makes you out to be the asshole. I know, very unfair, but it's how the world works.
That is all. Good Day. :)