Rules of Pakistani Driving

[dexander]

Before you begin your driving in Pakistan there are a few things that
you should know:

• When a car is manufactured it is allocated four(4) horn switches and
  six(6) high beam switches. These must all be worn out when the car
  reaches the end of its life. For each switch that is still functional
  when the car is junked one finger will be removed from the driver's
  hands. It is therefore vitally important when buying used vehicles to
  inquire on the previous owner's record in regard to this important
  responsibility.
  
  
• There is a brake pedal in the car. Use it. Frequently. Even if
  the road in front of you is entirely free of cars or pedestrians and
  your passenger's faces are already greener than an English meadow
  after a spring shower.
  
  
• From time to time you will encounter other cars in your travels.
  When doing so make sure you engage in the time honored sport of
  trademarking. The objective of this sport is to approach the other
  vehicle closely until you are able to read the tiny "TM" on any bumper
  stickers. If there are no bumper stickers then you should practice
  for the next time. When you have succeeded in your task make sure to
  let everyone know by honking and flashing your headlights in as
  annoying a manner as possible.
  
  
• Please note that the government has gone to great lengths to
  provide scenery during your drive. They spared no expense to
  engage the premier artists of the abstract linear school to paint
  murals along the roadway. Some of these works of stunning simplicity
  and grace decorate the roads and wind gracefully along miles of
  roadway. Other works are very short and episodic by comparison.
  Please enjoy these works as you complete your drive. Make sure you do
  your best to experiment with various viewing angles on them as you
  drive so that you can be sure you understand them from all
  perspectives. (Please note that some foreigners call these works
  "lane markings" and appear to believe that they should have something
  to do with how you place and orient your car during your travels.
  They are clearly delusional.)
  
  
• Avoid using your horn or lights to warn others of impending
  collision as this will detract from their real purpose of annoying the
  crap out of other drivers and your passengers.
  
  
• As an aid to education, geography tests have been placed along the
  roadsides. When a driver encounters one of these tests he should
  immediately disregard any other driving functions and attempt to work
  out his location. There will generally be an intersection of some
  kind after the geography test. Under no circumstances should the
  driver work out his location before passing the intersection.
  
  
• As a reminder of the frequent holidays here festive lighting has
  been provided along the roadway. You will frequently find these
  holiday displays near intersections. When the holiday lights change
  this is a signal for all to accelerate sharply while expressing their
  joy through the flashing of their headlights and honking of their
  horns. Please do not forget your duty to do this in a way that is
  maximally annoying to others however.