the first
This morning while opening I found that one of the hamsters that had wet tail didn’t make it through the night. For some reason it affected me deeply. I was crushed. I had only known her for about two days. I didn’t have a particular attachment to her, but I cared for her. I held her gently in a towel and made soothing noises as I tried to convince her that the medicine was good to drink. Despite her screams of fright and fury and her attempts to jump from me or bite me, I patiently held her and stroked her fur until she calmed down and would finally take her medicine. She was just sick and frightened. She was the only hamster that refused her medicine, which is weird since they love flavored Doxy. I should have known by her behavior she would die soon, but I really wanted her to get better. Finding her in the morning stiff, with her lips curled back, stained pink from the Doxy we couldn’t get her to drink and gold fur matted with diarrhea was just too much for me today. I don' t think it was a painless death. I cried for her. ( I don't cry much when my relatives die, but a random hamster? Waterworks. Granted I 've never seen or found anyone I care about dead, so...)
This is precisely why I didn’t want to become a vet. It’s not like I’ve never seen a dead animal before, I’ve cared for animals all my life, they all die. But I can’t stand knowing a creature in my care suffered like that and despite my efforts she still died. She was supposed to be taken to a vet to be checked out and most likely euthanized the night before because of her worsening condition so she wouldn’t have to go through what was probably a hard death, but the vet was closed. I wish she had gotten better. I wish the vet hadn’t closed so I wouldn’t have had to find her like that first thing in the morning. I will have to get used to the fact that sometimes they just don’t get better, I know this. I just don't want to.
RIP unnamed little ham ham.
This is precisely why I didn’t want to become a vet. It’s not like I’ve never seen a dead animal before, I’ve cared for animals all my life, they all die. But I can’t stand knowing a creature in my care suffered like that and despite my efforts she still died. She was supposed to be taken to a vet to be checked out and most likely euthanized the night before because of her worsening condition so she wouldn’t have to go through what was probably a hard death, but the vet was closed. I wish she had gotten better. I wish the vet hadn’t closed so I wouldn’t have had to find her like that first thing in the morning. I will have to get used to the fact that sometimes they just don’t get better, I know this. I just don't want to.
RIP unnamed little ham ham.