How to save a life (sorry for the long rant, but please feel free to read)
Tonight is the first night that it's really sunk in that in 4 weeks, I'll be half way around the world. On top of that, one of the most dangerous places in the world to boot. To be honest, I've always had an over active imagination, and I always pictured myself going to fight a war, become a hero and all that jazz. Now that I'm going overseas to a foreign country to fight, it's so much different than I imagined. I'm not going to be a hero, and I'd most certainly like to never have to fire a shot at anyone if possible. One of the things that worries me most, is not getting killed or severely injured, but how I'll act when the time come to fight. I'm afraid I'll cower and hide and one of my friends will get hurt because of it. Since I started training for this, it's become less about me and more about my friends. One of my good friends is proposing to his girlfriend, one just had a lovely baby girl. If they got hurt because of me, I couldn't forgive myself for letting it happen. Everyone has their reason for going, both selfish and selfless. I'm no different. This is the biggest test of character I've ever faced in my life. I can't decide if what I'm doing is right or not, to say it's all about the money is a lie, the money will help me out alot getting my life on track which is a bonus. It's more than that though, I believe in the mission and would willing take time out of my life for it (I'm not saying I'd die for it, becuase I fully intend to come home). I believe that the people there deserve a better life than what alot of them have.
I like to think that it's my lot in life to give my life to keep all that I love safe. I'd willingly give my life in exchange for those of my friends and family, because they are my pillars of strength. Everyone who's been nice enough to tolerate me, from Darren who's as much a brother to me as my own blood, to kelly, Jimmy, Lauren, Jordan, and Stu Morrison who I don't see for months at a time. I feel kinda stupid thinking that going overseas is the closest thing I have to keeping what I love safe, by helping to rid the world of those who harm others through cowardly attacks like those in New York, London and all over the world.
More than anything though I feel bad about the stress I'm putting on my family, especially my mother who I credit with making me what I am today. It's tearing at me because the second I feel good about what I'm doing, I immediately feel bad about it when I think of my mom. I guess I could seek out some guidance about this but I don't know who I can talk to who will give me fair and neuteral judgement.
Maybe this is something I have to face on my own. All I really know right now is the ball is rolling, the time is counting down and my life is going to change. For better or for worse I'll have to stand up to my worst fear. Take the good with the bad, and deal with the hardships that will undoubtedly come my way.
All I can really ask is for the full support of my friends and family. Without you guys I'm nothing.
sorry about the long rant, I had to vent and this was the only way I could think of.
I like to think that it's my lot in life to give my life to keep all that I love safe. I'd willingly give my life in exchange for those of my friends and family, because they are my pillars of strength. Everyone who's been nice enough to tolerate me, from Darren who's as much a brother to me as my own blood, to kelly, Jimmy, Lauren, Jordan, and Stu Morrison who I don't see for months at a time. I feel kinda stupid thinking that going overseas is the closest thing I have to keeping what I love safe, by helping to rid the world of those who harm others through cowardly attacks like those in New York, London and all over the world.
More than anything though I feel bad about the stress I'm putting on my family, especially my mother who I credit with making me what I am today. It's tearing at me because the second I feel good about what I'm doing, I immediately feel bad about it when I think of my mom. I guess I could seek out some guidance about this but I don't know who I can talk to who will give me fair and neuteral judgement.
Maybe this is something I have to face on my own. All I really know right now is the ball is rolling, the time is counting down and my life is going to change. For better or for worse I'll have to stand up to my worst fear. Take the good with the bad, and deal with the hardships that will undoubtedly come my way.
All I can really ask is for the full support of my friends and family. Without you guys I'm nothing.
sorry about the long rant, I had to vent and this was the only way I could think of.