(no subject)
i've been quiet lately, i've been soaking, input input input. for about a year & a half. usually they're only in seasonal cycles but this time it's for real. i am saying 'i am listening, come on, show me' & it is working. the shedding of ego & it is so often i have to remember it's necessary for these interactions people demand of you.
they are setting fires in Hackney & everybody forgets about Syria, Palestine, Libya, Egypt, Chile, Bolivia, Greece, Turkey - instantaneous 'oh shit i hope so & so is okay' - everybody has long forgotten Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, Cote d'Ivoire, Somalia, Kenya, Southern Sudan, South Africa, we forget about our struggles at home - for me, it is Australia's Indigenous peoples of over 200 nations still fighting for justice - everyone just fucking forgets, because London Bridge is finally fucking Burning Down too. i care, & i really don't fucken care.
people get weird when they think you are getting 'political'. but what is less political than death?
& that is exactly my point. there is death happening, for the sake of politics, & we dismiss it because we don't want to get political. we want Rupert to tell us about it, finish our latte & fuck off into our deranged bubble. who cares if the coke we snort at the club later has destroyed half a dozen families in Colombia? who cares if the smack we boot has probably killed twenty Afghanis before it even reached the coast? who cares that hundreds of disadvantaged people from around the globe were exploited to make the tea i am sipping now, the soy i stir through, the mug it cools in, the chair i sit on, & the technology i use to write this post? who cares if fast food & big pharma & fracking & logging & corporate mindset & trucking & factory farms are sending us to hospital with the new incurables, with the shift worker nurse on the other end of it all?
it goes on & it goes on & we can discuss the finer points at length all we want. but that is ivory tower bullshit. this post is ivory tower bullshit. this is a matter of life or livejournal!
& yet, we can find solace in it all. & the more i am aware the calmer i become. i find the most frustrated people to also be the least perceptive.
& so here's where i'm at.
i have resigned to being a cog, for now, & finish a bizarre degree, whose vocation would not exist were it not for everything i have described above. i live in a big ugly city founded on genocide & greed. i pay three hundred and ten dollars a week to a company, who takes some of it, then gives the rest of it so some douchebag in the eastern suburbs, so i can have four walls around me at night. it is hard to make this place a home. a lot of abuse & aggression happens in this apartment building alone, & it makes me wonder how the rest of the world is doing. myself, my relationship is doing okay. but my main quest is to see for myself. truly. rid myself of ego. i find it a hilarious & mostly fun process. i am thinking about everyone/thing else constantly. i don't pick up my guitar anymore. or my notebook. i am dedicated to discovering everything outside of me, & not for my own purposes either, just so i can better move through the world, hopefully, without fucking shit up in a bad way.
but that's not saying i am passive, either.
another time, i will string these thoughts into coherent sentences. it's been a long time since i've written anything, & i have been cooped up for a long time with these thoughts. soon.
they are setting fires in Hackney & everybody forgets about Syria, Palestine, Libya, Egypt, Chile, Bolivia, Greece, Turkey - instantaneous 'oh shit i hope so & so is okay' - everybody has long forgotten Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, Cote d'Ivoire, Somalia, Kenya, Southern Sudan, South Africa, we forget about our struggles at home - for me, it is Australia's Indigenous peoples of over 200 nations still fighting for justice - everyone just fucking forgets, because London Bridge is finally fucking Burning Down too. i care, & i really don't fucken care.
people get weird when they think you are getting 'political'. but what is less political than death?
& that is exactly my point. there is death happening, for the sake of politics, & we dismiss it because we don't want to get political. we want Rupert to tell us about it, finish our latte & fuck off into our deranged bubble. who cares if the coke we snort at the club later has destroyed half a dozen families in Colombia? who cares if the smack we boot has probably killed twenty Afghanis before it even reached the coast? who cares that hundreds of disadvantaged people from around the globe were exploited to make the tea i am sipping now, the soy i stir through, the mug it cools in, the chair i sit on, & the technology i use to write this post? who cares if fast food & big pharma & fracking & logging & corporate mindset & trucking & factory farms are sending us to hospital with the new incurables, with the shift worker nurse on the other end of it all?
it goes on & it goes on & we can discuss the finer points at length all we want. but that is ivory tower bullshit. this post is ivory tower bullshit. this is a matter of life or livejournal!
& yet, we can find solace in it all. & the more i am aware the calmer i become. i find the most frustrated people to also be the least perceptive.
& so here's where i'm at.
i have resigned to being a cog, for now, & finish a bizarre degree, whose vocation would not exist were it not for everything i have described above. i live in a big ugly city founded on genocide & greed. i pay three hundred and ten dollars a week to a company, who takes some of it, then gives the rest of it so some douchebag in the eastern suburbs, so i can have four walls around me at night. it is hard to make this place a home. a lot of abuse & aggression happens in this apartment building alone, & it makes me wonder how the rest of the world is doing. myself, my relationship is doing okay. but my main quest is to see for myself. truly. rid myself of ego. i find it a hilarious & mostly fun process. i am thinking about everyone/thing else constantly. i don't pick up my guitar anymore. or my notebook. i am dedicated to discovering everything outside of me, & not for my own purposes either, just so i can better move through the world, hopefully, without fucking shit up in a bad way.
but that's not saying i am passive, either.
another time, i will string these thoughts into coherent sentences. it's been a long time since i've written anything, & i have been cooped up for a long time with these thoughts. soon.