Slap My Ass and Call Me Sally
Next letter in my series of letters addressed to drunken Ariel
Que pasa asshole,
Sorry I haven't checked my messages in a bit, it's about midnight right now and the only reason I'm even on the internet is that I have to write this essay that I have put off until the last minute... but no, I'm not writing the essay, I am writing you an email. heh heh, same shit, different day. So, I'm in extreme amounts of trouble right now, I have twelve hours of community service to do in the next two days, and I have three indecently long essays to write in the same amount of time. In trouble with the law and with the school administration. *bad hannah bad hannah, what you gonna do, what you gonna do when they come for you?* This weekend was interesting. I was stricken horribly with the plague but I felt that it was my duty to god and country to go out and drink anyway. Went to a kegger with Jeremy Fenley, Jenn and her friend kayla on friday night. Jenn took her first keg stand (Kayla did as well) and then they both got really pale and passed out on some dudes bed (kayla puked into dude's trash can, but she didn't get any on the floor. Quite an accomplishment if you ask me.) I kept drinking with Jeremy until the wee hours of the morning... at which time he decided that he felt like groping me for about an hour (no serious groping, as i was not drunk enough to let him completely violate me). He said all the normal things that boys say like "I thiinnnk yyyoouuu'rree reaally sexxxxy"... and so on. Then we passed out as well and Jeremy woke up in time to take us home so we could get family pictures done at an expensive studio. I snagged a bottle of tequila from the kegger though and put it in my purse, which allowed me to continue getting drunk while my family was busy posing in front of the camera with big fake grins.
After pictures we went to chelsea's house to drink beer and drunk-people-proof her house for her birthday kegger. The kegger was rather good, but I lost my voice and jody dropped a glass handle of captain mo's on my foot. Hooray for the disgusting black and swollen broken toe that resulted. It was really quite funny from an outsiders perspective. I couldn't scream because I had no voice so I just jumped up and down and squeeked for about five minutes, while drunk people laughed at me... Hobbling around like a cripple for the rest of the night was, of course, good fun. There were several other choice moments, like when Booger came over and in my drunken state I decided to be all over him in front of amber (who probably wants to kick my ass now.) And then there was the time when Jeremy decided to stick both of his hands down my skirt in front of jodi. Good times, good times.
Anyways my dear, I know you don't have chlamydia. I totally got that you were being sarcastic when I read the email. no need to specify. I lobe you berry much and I will do my bestest to come and have drunken antics with you this weekends. squeezes and snogs, Hannahpu
Que pasa asshole,
Sorry I haven't checked my messages in a bit, it's about midnight right now and the only reason I'm even on the internet is that I have to write this essay that I have put off until the last minute... but no, I'm not writing the essay, I am writing you an email. heh heh, same shit, different day. So, I'm in extreme amounts of trouble right now, I have twelve hours of community service to do in the next two days, and I have three indecently long essays to write in the same amount of time. In trouble with the law and with the school administration. *bad hannah bad hannah, what you gonna do, what you gonna do when they come for you?* This weekend was interesting. I was stricken horribly with the plague but I felt that it was my duty to god and country to go out and drink anyway. Went to a kegger with Jeremy Fenley, Jenn and her friend kayla on friday night. Jenn took her first keg stand (Kayla did as well) and then they both got really pale and passed out on some dudes bed (kayla puked into dude's trash can, but she didn't get any on the floor. Quite an accomplishment if you ask me.) I kept drinking with Jeremy until the wee hours of the morning... at which time he decided that he felt like groping me for about an hour (no serious groping, as i was not drunk enough to let him completely violate me). He said all the normal things that boys say like "I thiinnnk yyyoouuu'rree reaally sexxxxy"... and so on. Then we passed out as well and Jeremy woke up in time to take us home so we could get family pictures done at an expensive studio. I snagged a bottle of tequila from the kegger though and put it in my purse, which allowed me to continue getting drunk while my family was busy posing in front of the camera with big fake grins.
After pictures we went to chelsea's house to drink beer and drunk-people-proof her house for her birthday kegger. The kegger was rather good, but I lost my voice and jody dropped a glass handle of captain mo's on my foot. Hooray for the disgusting black and swollen broken toe that resulted. It was really quite funny from an outsiders perspective. I couldn't scream because I had no voice so I just jumped up and down and squeeked for about five minutes, while drunk people laughed at me... Hobbling around like a cripple for the rest of the night was, of course, good fun. There were several other choice moments, like when Booger came over and in my drunken state I decided to be all over him in front of amber (who probably wants to kick my ass now.) And then there was the time when Jeremy decided to stick both of his hands down my skirt in front of jodi. Good times, good times.
Anyways my dear, I know you don't have chlamydia. I totally got that you were being sarcastic when I read the email. no need to specify. I lobe you berry much and I will do my bestest to come and have drunken antics with you this weekends. squeezes and snogs, Hannahpu