: update : monday :
Update:
" ...I am...
Sunburnt."
Tired."
Full up from Burritos."
Not wanting to go to work tomorrow."
In a good/great mood."
Wanting to make something out of nothing."
Praying for lost souls."
Fucking stumped on next art project."
Thinking about that Raven boy."
Wanting to make something out of nothing with that Raven boy."
First off, I'm sun burnt. SUN BURNT! I only spent 30 minutes outside! WHAT THE FUCK!!?
I've been pondering, as brains often ponder, over the passed couple of days about men. Lately, the men I've been seeing tend to do nothing but waste my time in the purest sense of the phrase. Though they're not that hard to figure out; my girlish brain (with all my hormones, crazy emotions, and bubblegum-stuck ideas) tries to conceive of meaning where there may be none. There have been endeavors with different men of different sorts - colors, shapes, sizes, creeds, ages - some begin in the heat of the moment, and some begin just as friends. But the fact of the matter is, they all end the same ... wasting my time.
Some of them have remained friends, where others I hardly speak to after I realize their true intentions.
Take, for instance, Casey (not Bass Guitarist Casey). Every signal that he could have sent me when we were not near each other seemed to wreak of a longing to be with me. I was right in my assumption that he wanted to be with me, but not in the sense that I thought he did. He wanted to be with me ... with my panties around my ankles. What attracted me to Casey was his bluntness. However, he became a disappointment by not exorcising what attracted me to him in the first place! Which (in a sense) is what turned me off, and made me erase him from my phone book.
Now, don't go thinking I'm some sort of prude or anything. I don't mind that sort of NSA relationship at all. In fact, I'd like it right now because it'd help me forget about a few of my own personal issues. However, the reason why I'm not continuing that sort of relationship with Casey is because I don't like how he went around it - though I understand it. Most girls would have turned heal and run if a guy had been immediately open about their intentions, but I'm not like most girls.
I just want an honest guy who knows what he wants and where he wants to be. No more of these emotional self-absorbed assholes, cocky pricks, uneducated close-minded douche-bags, lustful sex-addicted womanizers, or these fucking time wasters! I deserve better than this, and deserve someone who will respect me in every sense of the word.
Well, I think that eliminates every guy in the world. Maybe I should take up lesbianism *sarcasm ?
Similarly, I've been emailing a lot for the passed few days a certain Raven Haired Boy I used to know in high school. He and I have talked on and off in an infrequent manner over the passed four years since we graduated, but never in this frequency. It was a similar relationship in high school. He and I would talk infrequently whenever we had the chance to, but it was never for prolonged periods of time usually because it was a passing thing. However infrequent, we were always close acquaintances. It'd be nice to see if something can come of this colloquy, but it will have to wait.
Onto different subjects, wee! I am thoroughly bored with WoW. No lie! This happens to everyone who plays the game though, they phase through it. I canceled my account this morning, I think. Regardless of what day, the fact remains is that I canceled it. Some of you may be going "omg no why?!" Well, it's become a chore for me, and is no longer fun. Even raiding can be less than fun at times, just because there's often unpleasantries that ruin my time. Noobish bickering over gear, disputes over raid boss strategies, and just bitch-assness that shouldn't become an issue when playing a "vidyagame"!
Granted, raiding with the people that I've met on the game is fun - Morgan, Amy, Naj, and Tom - but the everything in between that you have to do in order to raid is not fun. Not to mention I'm tired of spending my day on the computer. I make plans, set goals, and make dates - only to cancel them because I lose track of time. So, I canceled.
I may be back, but it probably won't be until I have achieved what I want to achieve. It's not that I lack the free time (because I definitely have the free time), it's just I procrastinate because of it and lack the ability to police my time accordingly. I'd like to get my goals done this summer, my new years resolutions actually completed, and my "To Do" list crossed off.
In Otherworld news, the Lobo has cut his strings and burnt his bridges. I began speaking to him again just to see how life's been treating him since we last spoke four months ago. In all honesty I wanted to see if he's changed at all, not for the purposes of reestablishing a relationship - but reestablishing that friendship we briefly had in December. A few days after my initial phone call, a random text message on my behalf reading "Yo" began a strange bombardment of unnecessary insults on his part. His justification for it was that he just felt like being mean. Regardless, it became clear that we needed to stop being friends at that moment. I can hear it now, his snide voice singing something terrible to demean me or my character in some way. I can imagine what that way would be; perhaps painting up my insecurities, or inconsistencies, or poking holes in our relationship, or even nothing at all. More than likely it's nothing. I was never anything special or sparkly to the Lupine, never enough to hold his attention span for too long. I guess I was right about our friendship all along - what I said to him four months ago was right - our friendship was nothing but a forced interaction between two people that found themselves stuck in a room together. Seldom did we have anything in common - largely our conversations were built up on a means to pass the time as we waited for things like appointments, class, girlfriends, "obsessions". That's alright though. As passive as I am, I'll remain on the edge in freedom and forget all this mess. It doesn't really matter that much to me, except (in his case) it would have been nice to have been proven wrong for once.
Regardless, now that those unpleasantries are out of the way - it's time to discuss other things. Mainly the boredom I experience before I head off to bed:
Fact: "...I...
Always say I love you when I'm scared."
Imagine I'm having conversations with other people aloud in my car."
Secretly wish I was nine again."
Sometimes I imagine moments in my life as Broadway Plays or scenes from movies."
Dance to music in my underwear before I go to bed."
Love how my dog gets into my laundry and always runs off with a sock."
Want to really know how to dance."
Remember moments in highschool, and cry about how much everything has changed."
Still put glue on my finger tips and peel off the dried stuff."
Wonder why people dress up as Anime characters."
" ...I am...
Sunburnt."
Tired."
Full up from Burritos."
Not wanting to go to work tomorrow."
In a good/great mood."
Wanting to make something out of nothing."
Praying for lost souls."
Fucking stumped on next art project."
Thinking about that Raven boy."
Wanting to make something out of nothing with that Raven boy."
First off, I'm sun burnt. SUN BURNT! I only spent 30 minutes outside! WHAT THE FUCK!!?
I've been pondering, as brains often ponder, over the passed couple of days about men. Lately, the men I've been seeing tend to do nothing but waste my time in the purest sense of the phrase. Though they're not that hard to figure out; my girlish brain (with all my hormones, crazy emotions, and bubblegum-stuck ideas) tries to conceive of meaning where there may be none. There have been endeavors with different men of different sorts - colors, shapes, sizes, creeds, ages - some begin in the heat of the moment, and some begin just as friends. But the fact of the matter is, they all end the same ... wasting my time.
Some of them have remained friends, where others I hardly speak to after I realize their true intentions.
Take, for instance, Casey (not Bass Guitarist Casey). Every signal that he could have sent me when we were not near each other seemed to wreak of a longing to be with me. I was right in my assumption that he wanted to be with me, but not in the sense that I thought he did. He wanted to be with me ... with my panties around my ankles. What attracted me to Casey was his bluntness. However, he became a disappointment by not exorcising what attracted me to him in the first place! Which (in a sense) is what turned me off, and made me erase him from my phone book.
Now, don't go thinking I'm some sort of prude or anything. I don't mind that sort of NSA relationship at all. In fact, I'd like it right now because it'd help me forget about a few of my own personal issues. However, the reason why I'm not continuing that sort of relationship with Casey is because I don't like how he went around it - though I understand it. Most girls would have turned heal and run if a guy had been immediately open about their intentions, but I'm not like most girls.
I just want an honest guy who knows what he wants and where he wants to be. No more of these emotional self-absorbed assholes, cocky pricks, uneducated close-minded douche-bags, lustful sex-addicted womanizers, or these fucking time wasters! I deserve better than this, and deserve someone who will respect me in every sense of the word.
Well, I think that eliminates every guy in the world. Maybe I should take up lesbianism *sarcasm ?
Similarly, I've been emailing a lot for the passed few days a certain Raven Haired Boy I used to know in high school. He and I have talked on and off in an infrequent manner over the passed four years since we graduated, but never in this frequency. It was a similar relationship in high school. He and I would talk infrequently whenever we had the chance to, but it was never for prolonged periods of time usually because it was a passing thing. However infrequent, we were always close acquaintances. It'd be nice to see if something can come of this colloquy, but it will have to wait.
Onto different subjects, wee! I am thoroughly bored with WoW. No lie! This happens to everyone who plays the game though, they phase through it. I canceled my account this morning, I think. Regardless of what day, the fact remains is that I canceled it. Some of you may be going "omg no why?!" Well, it's become a chore for me, and is no longer fun. Even raiding can be less than fun at times, just because there's often unpleasantries that ruin my time. Noobish bickering over gear, disputes over raid boss strategies, and just bitch-assness that shouldn't become an issue when playing a "vidyagame"!
Granted, raiding with the people that I've met on the game is fun - Morgan, Amy, Naj, and Tom - but the everything in between that you have to do in order to raid is not fun. Not to mention I'm tired of spending my day on the computer. I make plans, set goals, and make dates - only to cancel them because I lose track of time. So, I canceled.
I may be back, but it probably won't be until I have achieved what I want to achieve. It's not that I lack the free time (because I definitely have the free time), it's just I procrastinate because of it and lack the ability to police my time accordingly. I'd like to get my goals done this summer, my new years resolutions actually completed, and my "To Do" list crossed off.
In Otherworld news, the Lobo has cut his strings and burnt his bridges. I began speaking to him again just to see how life's been treating him since we last spoke four months ago. In all honesty I wanted to see if he's changed at all, not for the purposes of reestablishing a relationship - but reestablishing that friendship we briefly had in December. A few days after my initial phone call, a random text message on my behalf reading "Yo" began a strange bombardment of unnecessary insults on his part. His justification for it was that he just felt like being mean. Regardless, it became clear that we needed to stop being friends at that moment. I can hear it now, his snide voice singing something terrible to demean me or my character in some way. I can imagine what that way would be; perhaps painting up my insecurities, or inconsistencies, or poking holes in our relationship, or even nothing at all. More than likely it's nothing. I was never anything special or sparkly to the Lupine, never enough to hold his attention span for too long. I guess I was right about our friendship all along - what I said to him four months ago was right - our friendship was nothing but a forced interaction between two people that found themselves stuck in a room together. Seldom did we have anything in common - largely our conversations were built up on a means to pass the time as we waited for things like appointments, class, girlfriends, "obsessions". That's alright though. As passive as I am, I'll remain on the edge in freedom and forget all this mess. It doesn't really matter that much to me, except (in his case) it would have been nice to have been proven wrong for once.
Regardless, now that those unpleasantries are out of the way - it's time to discuss other things. Mainly the boredom I experience before I head off to bed:
Fact: "...I...
Always say I love you when I'm scared."
Imagine I'm having conversations with other people aloud in my car."
Secretly wish I was nine again."
Sometimes I imagine moments in my life as Broadway Plays or scenes from movies."
Dance to music in my underwear before I go to bed."
Love how my dog gets into my laundry and always runs off with a sock."
Want to really know how to dance."
Remember moments in highschool, and cry about how much everything has changed."
Still put glue on my finger tips and peel off the dried stuff."
Wonder why people dress up as Anime characters."