how have YOU changed? motherfucker
so periodically i read back in old entries of my own and my friend in various journals we've all had. i check IAM pages, diarylands, livejournals... i read them mainly to see how much we've all changed, and grown up. its funny also, how we move from journal to journal during our respective evolutions. most of all, i read katy's.. because she has changed the most i think, man that bitch is crazy :P and i was thinking tonight... how have i changed?
for the most part, i feel i am the same... i have the same basic values, and morals, and i appreciate the same things out of people.. i want the same thing out of life... to have fun and be happy..
i have matured a great deal, and just grown up overall.. i understand how relationships work, and what to put into them, how to adjust, and just how to make them work, more so than before anyway, i'll never be an expert by any means.. i've made some mistakes and am now able to learn from them..
i've got direction in life, with real goals and aspirations that are truly and honestly attainable. did i mention i have confidence? in ways anyway... on one hand i am just as cowardly as before, if not worse. on the other hand, i am more confident in myself as a person, and my ability to function as a successful
person/adult.. its just certain situations that i am a little cowardly bitch sometimes, i still cant handle confrontation..
i am less hyper than i was before, in fact, at some point in my life, i can't remember when exactly.. this enormous wave of indifference just washed over me. i find myself not caring about anything sometimes.. just, little things that dont really adversely affect my life, i could give two shits about... and my standards for shit-giving just skyrocketed along with that.. little things just don't bother me, because they're not fucking important. sometimes its a good thing, but other times, i feel like a fucking drag.
i still take enormous pleasures in small happy things.. i'm still a horribly optimistic person overall.. like i had said in the previous paragraph, i stopped giving a shit about unimportant negative things, and focused more on all the positive things... i don't know, i just try to find the good in situations, and people..
another way i have changed, is that way back before, i had never really been hurt, or fucked over by anyone.. i wasnt jaded like everyone else yet.. well i've been fucked over, and am less trusting, although i am still way too fucking trusting of people, i am just aware of what shitty things they can do to me now, i'm not oblivious anymore..
just, for the most part.. i have grown up a lot, and started to experience life. i have life experience! i have started to consider things in my life regarding work, i am in management for christ's sake! i want a career, that word used to intimidate me, but not anymore.. marriage, kids, school? so much stuff..
i had originally imagined this entry being way more insightful, and probably better written, and it kind of took a different direction, and lots of thoughts i had at first were lost and replaced by different ones. i apologize to everyone for my terrible habit i formed at some point of using asinine amounts of ... everywhere, its just that it often doesnt feel like a period belongs there, its not really the end of the though, but a comma just seems like too short of a pause, i don't know, i'm crazy.. bottom line is, i am sorry i'm such a terrible writer.
in conclusion, what i have drawn from my thoughts tonight, is this...
i WAS a kid...
i AM an adult..
*PooF*
i was also hoping to get comments from you guys on your thoughts regarding ways i've changed, and stayed the same.. long comments even, if you wish :) please? i love you all..
*PooF*PooF*
for the most part, i feel i am the same... i have the same basic values, and morals, and i appreciate the same things out of people.. i want the same thing out of life... to have fun and be happy..
i have matured a great deal, and just grown up overall.. i understand how relationships work, and what to put into them, how to adjust, and just how to make them work, more so than before anyway, i'll never be an expert by any means.. i've made some mistakes and am now able to learn from them..
i've got direction in life, with real goals and aspirations that are truly and honestly attainable. did i mention i have confidence? in ways anyway... on one hand i am just as cowardly as before, if not worse. on the other hand, i am more confident in myself as a person, and my ability to function as a successful
person/adult.. its just certain situations that i am a little cowardly bitch sometimes, i still cant handle confrontation..
i am less hyper than i was before, in fact, at some point in my life, i can't remember when exactly.. this enormous wave of indifference just washed over me. i find myself not caring about anything sometimes.. just, little things that dont really adversely affect my life, i could give two shits about... and my standards for shit-giving just skyrocketed along with that.. little things just don't bother me, because they're not fucking important. sometimes its a good thing, but other times, i feel like a fucking drag.
i still take enormous pleasures in small happy things.. i'm still a horribly optimistic person overall.. like i had said in the previous paragraph, i stopped giving a shit about unimportant negative things, and focused more on all the positive things... i don't know, i just try to find the good in situations, and people..
another way i have changed, is that way back before, i had never really been hurt, or fucked over by anyone.. i wasnt jaded like everyone else yet.. well i've been fucked over, and am less trusting, although i am still way too fucking trusting of people, i am just aware of what shitty things they can do to me now, i'm not oblivious anymore..
just, for the most part.. i have grown up a lot, and started to experience life. i have life experience! i have started to consider things in my life regarding work, i am in management for christ's sake! i want a career, that word used to intimidate me, but not anymore.. marriage, kids, school? so much stuff..
i had originally imagined this entry being way more insightful, and probably better written, and it kind of took a different direction, and lots of thoughts i had at first were lost and replaced by different ones. i apologize to everyone for my terrible habit i formed at some point of using asinine amounts of ... everywhere, its just that it often doesnt feel like a period belongs there, its not really the end of the though, but a comma just seems like too short of a pause, i don't know, i'm crazy.. bottom line is, i am sorry i'm such a terrible writer.
in conclusion, what i have drawn from my thoughts tonight, is this...
i WAS a kid...
i AM an adult..
*PooF*
i was also hoping to get comments from you guys on your thoughts regarding ways i've changed, and stayed the same.. long comments even, if you wish :) please? i love you all..
*PooF*PooF*