(no subject)
I have a week left of summer . Next Monday I will start back to classes . I am very scared and excited about this . I am afraid I wont be good enough or smart enough .. I know I was able to handle 2200 and 2500 courses last semester , but I dont I worry . I mean I will be responsible for lives . THat in itself scares the shit out of me . I want to do such a good job . I want to be at the top of my class . I have done well the past four semesters but no , this is the big time . I know that my heart is meant to help others , I feel it deep in my soul that this is what I am suppose to be doing . I just cant wait to get started . I have a month of classes before I actually start clinicals . We have to check off on the vitals and I have to take a basic pharmacology test to prove I understand the medications and proceedures for administering them ..We will start working at the hospital after Labor day . I really need to just calm down and trust in myself , I have always had a problem with this .. I always doubt my ab ility and worthiness . I am so use to being put at the bottom that I dont know how to honor myself and feel the goddess within . I have spent a lot of time lately thinking about how I can reassure myself that I CAN be a great nurse and I am worthy of this ..
Bianca and Will do not start back to school for about three more weeks . Where we live they dont start back till when I start clinicals ..For now they will be staying with my mom .. So this next week is my last week of relaxation . Although I have been getting up with the sunrise and meditating every morning and writting in my private journal daily . I feel I am really reconnecting with myself and my spirit.
I have nursing orientation this week . I get to spend an entire day with the dean of nursing , my professors and my 69 other nursing student friends . I will also be buying my hundreds of dollars worth of books . yay for spending money on books I rarely keep . I will probally keep most of the ones for nursing though , they will come in handy .
We went swimming at the snorkling hole yesterday with Jesse , he was one of Nick and Bens good friends back when the were younger . He is so funny , the kids loved him .. He was workiing on cell phone towers for a while and so we havent seen him in years. Now he lives back here and came and spent the day with us ... It was fun , but it made me miss my friends .. I hope I will get to spend some time with his wife once she comes into town .
Lord have mercy I want to move away from my house ... Ben wont stop wrestling with the boy .. I am getting a migrane .. I am gonna go hide .. loves from my side of the valley ....