(no subject)
I wish I could photoshop my life with better decisions. Fucking myself over yet again.
I was having such bad anxiety today that I went home and spent like two hours just calming myself down and I actually somewhat succeeded, but now I am too relaxed to work, and when I think about trying to work or the fact that I'm not working the anxiety comes back and makes me feel terrible.
When I ride airplanes, I don't actually get motion sick, but I do panic that I am going to get motion sick and the stress makes me actually sick. That's what I feel like. My anxiety about having anxiety that will prohibit me from working is giving me anxiety that is prohibiting me from working and the only way to not feel terrible is to not work, which ultimately just makes it a thousand times worse.
I'm going to do some 'yoga for will power and mental focus' and hopefully that will help a little bit. I plan to wake up early tomorrow and because the pressure is on now, I will probably actually do it. I find I only work well early morning and late at night. Otherwise the fact that everybody else is going happily about their days distracts me and stresses me out.
I was having such bad anxiety today that I went home and spent like two hours just calming myself down and I actually somewhat succeeded, but now I am too relaxed to work, and when I think about trying to work or the fact that I'm not working the anxiety comes back and makes me feel terrible.
When I ride airplanes, I don't actually get motion sick, but I do panic that I am going to get motion sick and the stress makes me actually sick. That's what I feel like. My anxiety about having anxiety that will prohibit me from working is giving me anxiety that is prohibiting me from working and the only way to not feel terrible is to not work, which ultimately just makes it a thousand times worse.
I'm going to do some 'yoga for will power and mental focus' and hopefully that will help a little bit. I plan to wake up early tomorrow and because the pressure is on now, I will probably actually do it. I find I only work well early morning and late at night. Otherwise the fact that everybody else is going happily about their days distracts me and stresses me out.