End of a long week
Here's the thing. I don't do ill. As a result, on the very rare occasions when I do get ill I don't cope very well. I cannot help but feel betrayed by my own body. I have a perfect attendance record at work, and I pride myself on this...
I pretty much devalue everything I do, internally. To the outside world, I never stop extolling the worth of what I do, how I continue to go above and beyond, to go the extra mile, and logically I know this to be true, but that doesnt stop me feeling worthless, and a failure.
My attendance record is the one thing that I can hold up to the world and say "Look! Perfection! I did something right, see!" And so even though I knew I wasn't well Tuesday I went in, and then on Wednesday I was feeling pretty rough, but I went in, Thursday I was rough as fuck, but I went in. When I left Thursday I left telling my team leader not to expect me in on the Friday.
Friday was a mate's last day at work, she's not leaving the company, she's going on a six month secondment to sales (hopefully leading to a permanent job there). She'll still be based locally, but she has to spend at least a month in Slough for training. If I didn't go in Friday, I would have missed her last day.
So I have these two reasons to be in on Friday, so as not to miss my mate's last day and because the only thing I feel I do right, is actually turn up for work. So of course I woke up Friday morning and felt worse than ever, and didn't go in.
I managed to salvage my attendance record by taking a day's holiday (I am forunate to have a flexible team leader), but I still missed my mate's last day. I wont be seeing her again until at least the new year.
I feel marginally better today, still like complete crap, but this is definitely the upswing of it. I just have to hope that I'm fit for purpose (ie, turning up) by Monday.
I'm sure there was more I was going to type, but for the life of me I can't think of what it was.
I pretty much devalue everything I do, internally. To the outside world, I never stop extolling the worth of what I do, how I continue to go above and beyond, to go the extra mile, and logically I know this to be true, but that doesnt stop me feeling worthless, and a failure.
My attendance record is the one thing that I can hold up to the world and say "Look! Perfection! I did something right, see!" And so even though I knew I wasn't well Tuesday I went in, and then on Wednesday I was feeling pretty rough, but I went in, Thursday I was rough as fuck, but I went in. When I left Thursday I left telling my team leader not to expect me in on the Friday.
Friday was a mate's last day at work, she's not leaving the company, she's going on a six month secondment to sales (hopefully leading to a permanent job there). She'll still be based locally, but she has to spend at least a month in Slough for training. If I didn't go in Friday, I would have missed her last day.
So I have these two reasons to be in on Friday, so as not to miss my mate's last day and because the only thing I feel I do right, is actually turn up for work. So of course I woke up Friday morning and felt worse than ever, and didn't go in.
I managed to salvage my attendance record by taking a day's holiday (I am forunate to have a flexible team leader), but I still missed my mate's last day. I wont be seeing her again until at least the new year.
I feel marginally better today, still like complete crap, but this is definitely the upswing of it. I just have to hope that I'm fit for purpose (ie, turning up) by Monday.
I'm sure there was more I was going to type, but for the life of me I can't think of what it was.