Sad day...
I found out today that one of my associate's, who has been out most of this year so far due to cancer, he passed away this morning. It hit myself and my team pretty hard. Even though we all knew that he was very ill, and I really didn't expect him to make it through the year, it still was not any easier learning about his death. I literally had been speaking about him with someone who had asked how he was, and not 1 minute later, found out the news. I've never been in that position before, as a manager, where I have to deal with the fact I've lost someone on my team, someone I cared about, and then have to be there for everyone else and lead and help them through this. I was away from them at the time, and all I kept thinking is that I've got to get back to them, I've got to be there, I've got to be strong, and in the meantime I'm crying in the HR office trying to gather myself and figure out what I'm even supposed to do. Thank god it WAS the HR person that happened to be the one who told me, she helped me on a personal and professional level. I gathered my team together and we spent a little while just being together, talking about him, which was good, because through the tears came laughter at remembering him and the person he was. One thing that has always stood out to me about him...before I became his manager, and when he really didn't know me well, he once made a comment to my ex (who worked at my office too), he said "so what was it like dating a devil worshipper?". A flippant, inthoughful remark, and of course my ex immediately took my defense and told him I was one of the nicest people he'd ever known and he shouldn't ever talk about me like that. I've always remembered that, and I did take offense at the time when I found out about it, but figured, there's not much I can do about people's opinions right? A couple of years later I found myself in the position of being his manager, and I told myself I wouldn't hold this old comment against him, because in general, I thought he was a nice person, and I didn't want that to affect our new manager/associate relationship. I never once let on I knew about what he'd said about me. And over time, as we came to both know each other better, he came to me one day and told me how much he really was happy that I was his manager. That he knew that I was someone who cared about everyone on our team, that I cared about him, and that I was supportive and he knew I'd always have his back. He even went so far as to tell this to my Director. That always meant so very much to me, particularly since I knew he thought so differently of me before. He really was a good person, and he touched a lot of peoples hearts, including mine. I know I will miss him a lot.