DLF Newsletter, vol. 1
DLF--Daughter's Liberation Front--is committed to providing weekly updates as this situation unfolds.
All silliness aside, this should serve as an ongoing record of how things are going now that my oldest daughter is living with us. "Us" includes my wife and younger daughter. I say "younger" because it's very possible that the one in the oven may also be a female.
I would have started this newsletter sooner, but gerards_elli was in Colorado visiting her maternal grandmother for the first few weeks of summer. Now that we've had some time to get her settled in, we can get down to business.
First, and foremost, I will say that her mood overall has improved dramatically. There has been only one time, that I can recall, when she was in a lousy mood, and that was caused by me. Earlier in that day I had made some comparisons between her and her mother. Not the usual "You do that thing just like your mother!" or "You're acting just like your mother!", but rather a timeline comparison. When her mother was her age, she had pierced ears and had bleached her hair--two things that her mother forbids her to do at all. That was the extent of the comparison, but it upset gerards_elli and she bottled up her feelings about it. I've got a nose for those mood changes--I have to, living with three women--so as soon as I picked up on it I dragged it out of her. Shortly after, she was fine.
She is struggling with her role and our expectations of her. Her favorite thing to do is to hide out in her bedroom on the computer. This is fine, in short doses, but occasionally we like to see her and have little chores for her to do. Usually, all I have to do it go to her room and ask her to come out. Now, here's the sneaky part: as soon as we're not looking, she disappears back into her room. Sometimes, she's so quiet about it that we don't even hear the door close. We're still working on this issue.
Generally, she doesn't mind doing her chores, but many times she only does them partially. She's very good at cleaning the cat boxes (Monday, Wednesday, and Friday) and rarely has to be reminded of that one. Laundry, however (Tuesday and Thursday), seems to be more difficult for her to complete. She needs to do two loads on those days, washed and dried and at least delivered back to the appropriate recipients. We understand that she won't always have two loads of her own clothing, so we've asked her to incorporate our laundry in with her own. So far, she either skips doing it completely or starts washing a load and forgets about it. We're still working on this one, too.
There are a few other difficulties, but most of them minor. She doesn't fully understand that babysitting her little sister means she actually has to watch what she's doing. There have been a few times when the little one ended up getting hurt because gerards_elli wasn't paying attention. She also has a bad habit of leaving her dirty dishes around the house, as well as cans of soda. In her defense, all of us have the issue with the dishes and the soda, but we're making an effort to keep it under control.
As for glowfaeriejosie and myself, we're adjusting fairly well. It's not really much of an adjustment for me, as she's lived with me before. glowfaeriejosie is having some difficulties with her, but I will let her document that in the form of comments to this post. The baby is really enjoying the fact that her sister is there all the time, which I'm sure drives gerards_elli more than a little crazy at times.
Unfortunately, there is a darker side to address. Thus far, I haven't been able to reach any of her coaches at the Kauffman Scholars. I know that she doesn't want to be involved with it anymore, but I can't let her make that decision. Even if I don't like them, even if I totally disagree with them on a thousand different levels, I can't just pull her out of it. Instead, I made an agreement with her: If she stays in Kauffman while starting at Sumner, AND she tries her best, AND she has slipping grades because she is overloaded, THEN I will strongly consider pulling her out. This isn't really the darker side, though.
Karate. I had originally planned on her going to the summer session of Young Champions. However, since she missed the first few lessons while in Colorado, and since we are all still adjusting to the changes around the house, I opted to let her take this summer off. She took last summer off as well, but this is her last time. From here on out, she has to stay in every session until she maxes out. She will then have to apply at a real dojo and complete her studies toward a black belt. Why are we doing this? Her mother. Her mother and I spoke about her attending this summer, and she has decided that because we spoke that it is written law that gerards_elli attend this session. So, to end all further arguments, this is the plan I've devised to get her off our collective backs.
While we're on the subject of ex-related problems, I'm obligated to mention that SRS is slacking in the whole child support department. They were supposed to stop garnishing my wages a month ago, but two paychecks later and they are still taking my money. They have sent me one refund check, but I'm having trouble getting in touch with them to rectify the other one.
Check back next week for more exciting updates!
All silliness aside, this should serve as an ongoing record of how things are going now that my oldest daughter is living with us. "Us" includes my wife and younger daughter. I say "younger" because it's very possible that the one in the oven may also be a female.
I would have started this newsletter sooner, but gerards_elli was in Colorado visiting her maternal grandmother for the first few weeks of summer. Now that we've had some time to get her settled in, we can get down to business.
First, and foremost, I will say that her mood overall has improved dramatically. There has been only one time, that I can recall, when she was in a lousy mood, and that was caused by me. Earlier in that day I had made some comparisons between her and her mother. Not the usual "You do that thing just like your mother!" or "You're acting just like your mother!", but rather a timeline comparison. When her mother was her age, she had pierced ears and had bleached her hair--two things that her mother forbids her to do at all. That was the extent of the comparison, but it upset gerards_elli and she bottled up her feelings about it. I've got a nose for those mood changes--I have to, living with three women--so as soon as I picked up on it I dragged it out of her. Shortly after, she was fine.
She is struggling with her role and our expectations of her. Her favorite thing to do is to hide out in her bedroom on the computer. This is fine, in short doses, but occasionally we like to see her and have little chores for her to do. Usually, all I have to do it go to her room and ask her to come out. Now, here's the sneaky part: as soon as we're not looking, she disappears back into her room. Sometimes, she's so quiet about it that we don't even hear the door close. We're still working on this issue.
Generally, she doesn't mind doing her chores, but many times she only does them partially. She's very good at cleaning the cat boxes (Monday, Wednesday, and Friday) and rarely has to be reminded of that one. Laundry, however (Tuesday and Thursday), seems to be more difficult for her to complete. She needs to do two loads on those days, washed and dried and at least delivered back to the appropriate recipients. We understand that she won't always have two loads of her own clothing, so we've asked her to incorporate our laundry in with her own. So far, she either skips doing it completely or starts washing a load and forgets about it. We're still working on this one, too.
There are a few other difficulties, but most of them minor. She doesn't fully understand that babysitting her little sister means she actually has to watch what she's doing. There have been a few times when the little one ended up getting hurt because gerards_elli wasn't paying attention. She also has a bad habit of leaving her dirty dishes around the house, as well as cans of soda. In her defense, all of us have the issue with the dishes and the soda, but we're making an effort to keep it under control.
As for glowfaeriejosie and myself, we're adjusting fairly well. It's not really much of an adjustment for me, as she's lived with me before. glowfaeriejosie is having some difficulties with her, but I will let her document that in the form of comments to this post. The baby is really enjoying the fact that her sister is there all the time, which I'm sure drives gerards_elli more than a little crazy at times.
Unfortunately, there is a darker side to address. Thus far, I haven't been able to reach any of her coaches at the Kauffman Scholars. I know that she doesn't want to be involved with it anymore, but I can't let her make that decision. Even if I don't like them, even if I totally disagree with them on a thousand different levels, I can't just pull her out of it. Instead, I made an agreement with her: If she stays in Kauffman while starting at Sumner, AND she tries her best, AND she has slipping grades because she is overloaded, THEN I will strongly consider pulling her out. This isn't really the darker side, though.
Karate. I had originally planned on her going to the summer session of Young Champions. However, since she missed the first few lessons while in Colorado, and since we are all still adjusting to the changes around the house, I opted to let her take this summer off. She took last summer off as well, but this is her last time. From here on out, she has to stay in every session until she maxes out. She will then have to apply at a real dojo and complete her studies toward a black belt. Why are we doing this? Her mother. Her mother and I spoke about her attending this summer, and she has decided that because we spoke that it is written law that gerards_elli attend this session. So, to end all further arguments, this is the plan I've devised to get her off our collective backs.
While we're on the subject of ex-related problems, I'm obligated to mention that SRS is slacking in the whole child support department. They were supposed to stop garnishing my wages a month ago, but two paychecks later and they are still taking my money. They have sent me one refund check, but I'm having trouble getting in touch with them to rectify the other one.
Check back next week for more exciting updates!