a brain at work
I've been working on this project at work for about a week now that involves going through old materials and archiving them in date order starting from earliest and working toward now. Its a rediculous project really because no one is ever going to look at the stuff we are going to pay to have stored away in some warehouse for the next however many years until some one gets wise enough to toss it, but I must admit, reading some of the pieces have been fairly...well nostalgic almost...at least in a way. I'm not saying I lived during most of the papers creations but its just weird to be holding a paper from 1938 and think about who held it before...what great minds were involved in it and what significance did that person play while living. I'm sort of afraid to die...maybe its because I don't really believe in god or maybe its because I'm just obsessed with people "watching" that I feel I must know something and that this stuff is so important to me. I guess I just don't want to be forgotten, so I don't want to forget these people. I found a ticket to a football game that coerced the ladies with free flowers. There was a record of a party for men, where the wives were invited strictly to make food and put up decorations as the men gambled on horses. People died...babies were born. Life went on. There was a record of the "first ever international airport opening in NYC" and notes regarding the building of the USS Princeton. Its completely fascinating to me to see the way things have changed...and more importantly to see that most things stay the same.
Secondly...I've been doing alot of inward thinking since vacation, which for me never ends up being good because I start asking myself why I am where I am. I was thinking about how I enjoyed myself while I was away and I was so...well almost disgusted to hear american voices nagging and bitching when I returned to the Chicago airport (it is O'Hare afterall). Since I've been home I've been missing my luggage which still hasn't arrived (four days later) and I feel like maybe its telling me in some weird way that its just time to go? I don't know...this isn't an insult to anyone who I care about because my friends do not fit the character of stupid american (except when we are trying to)...I don't know...I have that lost feeling that people get when they are away for a significant amount of time...only I've been gone a week. Maybe its just because I thought alot of vacation and I was in a place where my brain could relax and get a lot done. Maybe my brain is just telling me that I need to concentrate there and forget about life for a while. I'm really not sure. Either way...I feel here, but not here. There are pieces that I'm leaving out, but I'm really just to tired to type any more about them right now.
Secondly...I've been doing alot of inward thinking since vacation, which for me never ends up being good because I start asking myself why I am where I am. I was thinking about how I enjoyed myself while I was away and I was so...well almost disgusted to hear american voices nagging and bitching when I returned to the Chicago airport (it is O'Hare afterall). Since I've been home I've been missing my luggage which still hasn't arrived (four days later) and I feel like maybe its telling me in some weird way that its just time to go? I don't know...this isn't an insult to anyone who I care about because my friends do not fit the character of stupid american (except when we are trying to)...I don't know...I have that lost feeling that people get when they are away for a significant amount of time...only I've been gone a week. Maybe its just because I thought alot of vacation and I was in a place where my brain could relax and get a lot done. Maybe my brain is just telling me that I need to concentrate there and forget about life for a while. I'm really not sure. Either way...I feel here, but not here. There are pieces that I'm leaving out, but I'm really just to tired to type any more about them right now.