down time

[devised]

sometimes i get this feeling like ive been doing good... making the right moves i guess, but this feeling isnt as present in my life as the feeling i get when i know ive done something so wrong that there will be hell to pay for it. For the most part i dont mind being who i am which sounds bad huh i think if anythign you should be happy about who you are, or is that just bullshit? does anyone really know what they want from themselves? i dont know. all i know is that im happy with where i am although my original plans called for me already being in control of a small malitia sowhere deep in the amazon training and learning from the local people how to survive where the armies are afraid to go. but yeh i am content with life, going to work, cleaning the apartment, taking care of me and my family of furries makes me happy regarless of my lack of military power, i am comfortable knowing that this far in life i have gained much knowlege of my weakness. and i know i am still volnurable to these things but i think i am much more aware of my losing control and sucoming to these open sores than i was 6 years ago. i do not regret any part of my life with the exception of being born (and that stems from a long underlying feeling that i will someday bring the eventual end of the world as we know it), i know that it is too late to care about my mistakes and that there is nothing i can do to change them but i am trying to do what i think is right as a result of my wrong doings. being as weak any other man on this planet i know that there will be times in life where one doesnt know who he is or what is driving him but one must always remember that living in a world where youre constantly being assaulted by marketing and politics the only thing you can hold on to is where youve been and what youve done.

now whos up for some bumper pool?