Jon is my favorite Backstreet Boy.
Date: 04.10.05
Climate: Flo-nased away.
Watching: The Outsiders on A&E. I identify with Pony Boy.
Listening to: Third Eye Blind, the Cure, more of the first really.
Eating: Still trying to decide on lunch.
Drinking: Grape Kool-aid. hXc.
Its a damn shame I did not put on my best frayed collar shit to attend the awards last night. A shame, because you should see what Jon and I can do around free alcohol. Its really quite extrodinary. Vanishes, kinda like sales figures for our last album. Aha. Badda Bing.
That brings me to my next point; Everything I see, or do, has been reminding me of a flaccid penis. The Album, The Awards, My journal, Garret, things like that. I need to get exicted about life again. I need a personal hard-on. Existance lacks meaning..It would be nice to, oh say..jerk one out.
But sometime's, its just like that, isnt it? Life is hard...hell, sex is hard if you're not drunk enough, or too drunk. (See, Flaccid penis refrences everywhere.) I think thats the problem though. I think entirely too much for my own good.
I've been having these odd thoughts while recording. Comparing life to sex. Its not really my fault, sex sells, and if i choose to force as much as humanly possible into my music..Well I can pray it sells too, or it'll become..a flaccid penis.
Now I said all that as a lead-in to this. After a conversation last night with a friend, we pulled up something I had written..Oh, a year or so ago? Exploring the mind of man. Its a Manefesto on his poor sexual habits, not mine. (Keep this in mind; I'm fantastic in bed.)
Enjoy;
No one ever realises how hard sex is on your average male. Theres a load of thinking involved that no one knows is there. You heard me right. Thinking. Deep thoughts. You see, it seems to generally the guy's job, (at least in my experience) to make the girl feel as good as possible and have sweet, sweet orgasms. The girl, on the other hand, is generally content to just lay back and see what we've got to offer. Again, I can't speak for anyone else, this is just in my personal experience.
Not only am I thinking during sex, I am multi-tasking. My neuro-net processor of a brain is pounding algorithms as fast as I'm pounding...well. You know.
Just what is going through a male's head during sex? Like the moon, this is a frontier so far journeyed only by man. But here is a small window of what goes on in my head during the deed.
"Alright, time for some action"
"I hope I don't fuck up this time"
"Is that the right hole?"
"Oh wait, there it is"
"All right, lets start out slow"
It isn't long before thoughts turn into a quiet panic.
BRAIN: Damn, she just moved.
BRAIN: Did I do something right, or did I hurt her
-soft moaning starts-
BRAIN: She's making noises!
BRAIN: Pain noises or pleasure noises?
BRAIN: Let try stepping up the pace a little
-increased moaning-
BRAIN: More noises! I pretty sure that's pleasure now
BRAIN: Oh yeah, she's starting to flush, I like that
BRAIN: Lets try changing the angle a bit"
.............................
BRAIN: Nope, didn't like that
-Moans quieting-
BRAIN: Damn, what was I doing before?
BRAIN: Fuck it, lets try a different position
WOMAN: "OUCH!"
BRAIN: Yeah....that one was definitely pain
WOMAN: What are you doing?
BRAIN: Mayday! Mayday!
BRAIN: Decrease Velocity!
BRAIN: Open flaps
BRAIN: Landing gear engaged
BRAIN: Disengage primary thrusters
BRAIN: Systems check
..........................
ME: "You all right?"
WOMAN: "Uh....Yeah"
BRAIN: No system damage
ME: All right, lets try this again
*Five minutes later....computer pretty much takes over*
BRAIN: Allright, back on track
-Moans increasing in volume and frequency-
BRAIN: Target in sight, hold position
-Full body blush commencing-
BRAIN: C'mon.......C'mon
-Back arching-
BRAIN: Hold it......Hold it.....
COMPUTER: WARNING! WARNING!
COMPUTER: ERR-ERR-ERR
BRAIN: Oh shit
COMPUTER: SYSTEM OVERLOAD IMMINENT
BRAIN: Oh shit, not yet!
-Moaning above 80 decibals-
BRAIN: Just a little longer
COMPUTER: DANGER HULL INTEGRITY
COMPUTER: SYSTEM OVERLOAD COMMENCING
BRAIN: FUCK! I'm not going to make it
BRAIN: Pull out and prepare for manual override!
COMPUTER: SYSTEM OVERLOAD __________
BRAIN: Pull out, pull out!
COMPUTER: AUTO PILOT ENGAGED
BRAIN: NO! UNENGAGE! UNENGAGE!
COMPUTER: TARGET LOCKED....TARGET LOCKED
BRAIN: If I come now, will it be too soon?
BRAIN: If I come now, will it be too soon?
BRAIN: If I come now, will it be too soon?
BRAIN: If I come now, will it be too soon?
COMPUTER :Target heart rate reached:
COMPUTER :reathing nominal:
BRAIN: Must....hold....on
COMPUTER: FEMALE ORGASM COMMENCING
BRAIN: can't.....hold it
COMPUTER: FEMALE ORGASM COMMENCING
BRAIN: Its out of my control, its in God's hands now
COMPUTER: PRIMARY VALVE: EJACULATING
(keeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrr SPLAT!)
COMPUTER: AUTOMATIC SYSTEM SHUT DOWN: COMMENCING
(*THUD*)
WOMAN: "Honey, are you alright?"
ME: "Yeah.....my head hurts...."
WOMAN: "Sorry" *blush*
ME: "No, the other head"
WOMAN: "What?"
ME:"Nothing...Did you?"
WOMAN: "What, you didn't notice?"
ME: "Actually, I was kinda too busy to notice"
WOMAN: "You're so weird"
ME: "You should try being the pilot next time"
WOMAN: "Get off me, I need to pee"
Do you ever find that pre-orgasm expression on a guys face funny?
Ever wonder what he's feeling?
Its not pain
Its not pleasure
It is deep, hard, seething thought.
Now. We went through all of that to stress one point; Life is just a well thought out orgasm. Ride it out.
Climate: Flo-nased away.
Watching: The Outsiders on A&E. I identify with Pony Boy.
Listening to: Third Eye Blind, the Cure, more of the first really.
Eating: Still trying to decide on lunch.
Drinking: Grape Kool-aid. hXc.
Its a damn shame I did not put on my best frayed collar shit to attend the awards last night. A shame, because you should see what Jon and I can do around free alcohol. Its really quite extrodinary. Vanishes, kinda like sales figures for our last album. Aha. Badda Bing.
That brings me to my next point; Everything I see, or do, has been reminding me of a flaccid penis. The Album, The Awards, My journal, Garret, things like that. I need to get exicted about life again. I need a personal hard-on. Existance lacks meaning..It would be nice to, oh say..jerk one out.
But sometime's, its just like that, isnt it? Life is hard...hell, sex is hard if you're not drunk enough, or too drunk. (See, Flaccid penis refrences everywhere.) I think thats the problem though. I think entirely too much for my own good.
I've been having these odd thoughts while recording. Comparing life to sex. Its not really my fault, sex sells, and if i choose to force as much as humanly possible into my music..Well I can pray it sells too, or it'll become..a flaccid penis.
Now I said all that as a lead-in to this. After a conversation last night with a friend, we pulled up something I had written..Oh, a year or so ago? Exploring the mind of man. Its a Manefesto on his poor sexual habits, not mine. (Keep this in mind; I'm fantastic in bed.)
Enjoy;
No one ever realises how hard sex is on your average male. Theres a load of thinking involved that no one knows is there. You heard me right. Thinking. Deep thoughts. You see, it seems to generally the guy's job, (at least in my experience) to make the girl feel as good as possible and have sweet, sweet orgasms. The girl, on the other hand, is generally content to just lay back and see what we've got to offer. Again, I can't speak for anyone else, this is just in my personal experience.
Not only am I thinking during sex, I am multi-tasking. My neuro-net processor of a brain is pounding algorithms as fast as I'm pounding...well. You know.
Just what is going through a male's head during sex? Like the moon, this is a frontier so far journeyed only by man. But here is a small window of what goes on in my head during the deed.
"Alright, time for some action"
"I hope I don't fuck up this time"
"Is that the right hole?"
"Oh wait, there it is"
"All right, lets start out slow"
It isn't long before thoughts turn into a quiet panic.
BRAIN: Damn, she just moved.
BRAIN: Did I do something right, or did I hurt her
-soft moaning starts-
BRAIN: She's making noises!
BRAIN: Pain noises or pleasure noises?
BRAIN: Let try stepping up the pace a little
-increased moaning-
BRAIN: More noises! I pretty sure that's pleasure now
BRAIN: Oh yeah, she's starting to flush, I like that
BRAIN: Lets try changing the angle a bit"
.............................
BRAIN: Nope, didn't like that
-Moans quieting-
BRAIN: Damn, what was I doing before?
BRAIN: Fuck it, lets try a different position
WOMAN: "OUCH!"
BRAIN: Yeah....that one was definitely pain
WOMAN: What are you doing?
BRAIN: Mayday! Mayday!
BRAIN: Decrease Velocity!
BRAIN: Open flaps
BRAIN: Landing gear engaged
BRAIN: Disengage primary thrusters
BRAIN: Systems check
..........................
ME: "You all right?"
WOMAN: "Uh....Yeah"
BRAIN: No system damage
ME: All right, lets try this again
*Five minutes later....computer pretty much takes over*
BRAIN: Allright, back on track
-Moans increasing in volume and frequency-
BRAIN: Target in sight, hold position
-Full body blush commencing-
BRAIN: C'mon.......C'mon
-Back arching-
BRAIN: Hold it......Hold it.....
COMPUTER: WARNING! WARNING!
COMPUTER: ERR-ERR-ERR
BRAIN: Oh shit
COMPUTER: SYSTEM OVERLOAD IMMINENT
BRAIN: Oh shit, not yet!
-Moaning above 80 decibals-
BRAIN: Just a little longer
COMPUTER: DANGER HULL INTEGRITY
COMPUTER: SYSTEM OVERLOAD COMMENCING
BRAIN: FUCK! I'm not going to make it
BRAIN: Pull out and prepare for manual override!
COMPUTER: SYSTEM OVERLOAD __________
BRAIN: Pull out, pull out!
COMPUTER: AUTO PILOT ENGAGED
BRAIN: NO! UNENGAGE! UNENGAGE!
COMPUTER: TARGET LOCKED....TARGET LOCKED
BRAIN: If I come now, will it be too soon?
BRAIN: If I come now, will it be too soon?
BRAIN: If I come now, will it be too soon?
BRAIN: If I come now, will it be too soon?
COMPUTER :Target heart rate reached:
COMPUTER :reathing nominal:
BRAIN: Must....hold....on
COMPUTER: FEMALE ORGASM COMMENCING
BRAIN: can't.....hold it
COMPUTER: FEMALE ORGASM COMMENCING
BRAIN: Its out of my control, its in God's hands now
COMPUTER: PRIMARY VALVE: EJACULATING
(keeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrr SPLAT!)
COMPUTER: AUTOMATIC SYSTEM SHUT DOWN: COMMENCING
(*THUD*)
WOMAN: "Honey, are you alright?"
ME: "Yeah.....my head hurts...."
WOMAN: "Sorry" *blush*
ME: "No, the other head"
WOMAN: "What?"
ME:"Nothing...Did you?"
WOMAN: "What, you didn't notice?"
ME: "Actually, I was kinda too busy to notice"
WOMAN: "You're so weird"
ME: "You should try being the pilot next time"
WOMAN: "Get off me, I need to pee"
Do you ever find that pre-orgasm expression on a guys face funny?
Ever wonder what he's feeling?
Its not pain
Its not pleasure
It is deep, hard, seething thought.
Now. We went through all of that to stress one point; Life is just a well thought out orgasm. Ride it out.