(no subject)
so i have decided that there are only 4 people and my dog that i honestly care about. one of them is moving away for what seems like a lifetime. These past two months have seemed like a rush and now things seem to be falling apart for everyone. i thought i was getting better but i need time to really process everything. i guess ive become that sadist; which if you asked me three years ago i wouldve laughed and said no way. I really enjoy hurting people including myself. It makes me feel alive because for so long i was just numb inside, which for me was the worst feeling ever. Sadly ive realized why kids snap and go on a shooting rampage or murder their own parents. that thought has crossed my mind many a time but leaving and never coming back seems like a better plan. i am such a fucking hypocrite because i bitch and complain when people run away from their problems or bottle them up when behind closed doors i'm doing the same fucking thing. i hate feeling like my medicine is the only thing keeping me sane; like i cant control myself or something ahh fuck i'm just glad thanksgiving is this weekend with some turkey and dressing