Le Happy Sigh
Life just always has a way of working out. I'm getting one promotion and up for another. All this time of doing a job that I wasn't getting paid for and having this knowledge wasted I was secretly gtting recognition. I was going to get 2 promotions rather quickly and be transfered to another store but then the company went into a state of kaos. 2 managers have been fired, 2 employees have quit, several have and are going to be fired, while notices have been sent out to some of hte higher ups that if htey dont' start pulling their weight they will be fired as well. Ouch. I however am in the clear. I instead got transfered to ANOTHER store that isn't far and have gotten a new manager.
He's only done training but worked with the company for quite some time. I showed up really early to work one day and since neither one of us had a key to open, we sat in his car and just got a chance to introduce ourselves and our expectations. We are SO alike its amazing. I already gave him an introduction to what i had deduced on our crew and what worries the higher ups had with the existing members. I also got to share with him what I wanted to change, issues I saw, and goals that needed to be accomplished which I knew would be his goals as well so I just started in showing him what I had already set in place in the first few days I was there before him. He's just so cool. We get a long so well and I love my new crew even though Tito was kind of a snot that one day. I love them to death. My assistants are just the sweetest people that I really feel I could put my trust in adn its kind of ironic that the two days Rickys life has changed the most, I was there at his store.
The first day I hung out in this store he had his first kid and came in to just hang with everyone for a moment and update the crew. I got to be there and share in that with him, then I was there when the other end of hte spectrum hit just the other day. His friend got behind in child support and like most depressed suicidal people, he hid his depression. They become masters at hiding their pain when they believe no one can help them. Arlen hit a point where he couldn't take it and put a gun in his mouth. Its up in the air if this happened in front of his 2 year old or no. What most people dont' know is that while shooting yoruself work ssome of hte time its really hard to make it work. Several people survive. His heart wouldn't give up. They go thim to the hospital where his body finally started to fail. They restarted his heart several times until it started to work. At one point Arlen woke up. This gave his family members a chance to speak to him one last time. They wispered in his ear and spoke to him thinking it would all get better. He heard. He tried to move and speak back but was unable. Instead he laid there and cried. The next day his heart gave out. I was about ot ask Ricky for an update when he came to me in the office and broke. Tears went down his cheeks as he had trouble making words. He got out the word "dead" and I instantly knew. While Ricky and I haven't really bonded yet, just hearing him I started to choke up for him. I threw my arms around him and he just cried. Out of all the relationships I've had, this broke my heart. He composed himself to tell me what was going on and how he had to get home, his babys mother was too upset to watch their kid and it was time they needed to spend together, to support eachother. I told my new manager on his first day I was leaving and would be back. Ricky told me more and more on teh drive there. I wanted to cry because I felt powerless to help him. I wanted to do anything to help him and I couldn't. We've had a few conversations since and when his friends stopped in to hang out I directed them to where Ricky was. When the higher ups came and saw we were short handed i stood up for him. Ricky needed to go and would have been no use to me in teh state he was in. I backed him up in needing the day off. THats been my only sad news in a while. Ricky and his friend but silver lining is to come and we've grown closer due to this. We get to speak and he asks me for advice and opinions where I try to offer him peace of mind. I really look forward to getting closer to him. Theres several things I recognize already in where we could benefit eachother. Examples being he needs to get away from some of hte people he knows and associates himself with. I can help with taht while he can be a friend to me. I see how he interacts and he's very protective but in a teddy bear way. He's an amazing guy whose so caring and also tries to take care of everyone. I try that. If I ever needed a shoulder I really think he'd be there. I'm really happy he came into my life.
Other than that life has just been great. For so long its just been great. I'm getting my car back from when the lady hit me MONTHS ago and I'm just nwo going to ge tmy car back tomorrow. I've made new friends and sadly had to cut others out of my life. I'm not needy anymore and more comfortable in my own skin here. Just every day is another chance to elarn more about myself myself and make this palce home. I now know my way around, I have friends. I saw one of my teachers in the hall way and he said I need to stop by to catch up. My teachers are like my friends, even ones I don't have classes with like the one I saw in the hall. I just consider him a friend. I go to see him when I'm on campus and we just hang out and shoot the breeze, its just so much fun and so amazing. I know some of hte bar rats so I can go to the local bars to grab a beer and its like a football game now where I know everyone and its a bunch of hi's and high fives and catching up and I can mingle and work the room, its so much fun. I also can just call someone up and go to a new bar if I wish and its great to just have friends that you can do that with. I feel like Brian and I really aren't as close anymore now that he's hooked up with his ex again which, I won't lie, it kinda hurts. I miss him. He was one of my main friends and now he's fading into the background with all of the other bar rats as well. So sad but I saw him the other day and we got to talk. I've made friends at several of hte other stores so when I get lonely I go cruising and visit. Its so much fun. We laugh, we talk, we catch up, I get the latest in all their lives, it rocks. I got to work in another neighboring store today and got close to both of those techs. We didn't speak much but all kind of went into our own corners but what I DID get to speak to them about was great. I now have have gained two amazing people I feel I can turn to for religious needs. If I just want to be happy about karma and how everything in my world has just been working itself out I can go to them and we discuss it. Its fun. Its great.
Sigh. I'm just happy. Everything has been working itself out and its wonderful. I've gotten a better rip on who I am and attaining friends that I feel I can myself with. I work each day to be a good person and not speak bad about others and try harder than ever to see situations threw the other persons eyes and try to tactics at appraoching bad scenarios til I find the appropriate way to deal with my techs. I've lost some friends int eh process but I'm mroe me now. I'm not trying to hold onto what jus twon't work.
My favorite thing last week was going to this Art Gallery meeting. Theres this amazing art group and one night they decided to have some really big named chefs and the editor of Bon Appetite in for interviewing where they could share the best and worst stories of their experience. I went on my won and it was SO fun. I didn't really get a chacne to meet people, it wasn't one of those places where they sensed a new-comer and all game up to greet me but I just slipped right into being oen fo them and itw as so much fun. The food was just amazing. I'm really excited to go to their next event. A lot of times they will have philisophical meetings or poetry meetings or art galleries and I can't wait to go to antoher where its more interactive and not just viewing an interview. SO much fun though. SEVERAL people there I want to know better adn have conversations with.
aaahhhh just happy. Just peace in my life. Its taken a long time but I finally feel like this is where I'm suppose to be, I'm on the right path, where I'm suppose to be at the time I'm suppose to be here and everything i sjust falling into place. Theres moments where something may disrupt my world and it just fixes itself almost immediately. This is so different for me and the pain is leaving.
My new Years Resolution last year was to just be happy. I was constantly in pain adn hurting and I just wanted to learn how to just feel happy and that was it. Just happiness and be okay with it. I did that a few times but still foudn msyelf falling back into depressions. I've worked harder to keep that up and its getting easier and easier to just be okay. It took a long time to get here and several people had to leave my life so that this was even possible and now it is and its just good. I'm good. I'm happy and its okay. Theres no part of me hurting anymore..... sigh..... its a good feeling.
He's only done training but worked with the company for quite some time. I showed up really early to work one day and since neither one of us had a key to open, we sat in his car and just got a chance to introduce ourselves and our expectations. We are SO alike its amazing. I already gave him an introduction to what i had deduced on our crew and what worries the higher ups had with the existing members. I also got to share with him what I wanted to change, issues I saw, and goals that needed to be accomplished which I knew would be his goals as well so I just started in showing him what I had already set in place in the first few days I was there before him. He's just so cool. We get a long so well and I love my new crew even though Tito was kind of a snot that one day. I love them to death. My assistants are just the sweetest people that I really feel I could put my trust in adn its kind of ironic that the two days Rickys life has changed the most, I was there at his store.
The first day I hung out in this store he had his first kid and came in to just hang with everyone for a moment and update the crew. I got to be there and share in that with him, then I was there when the other end of hte spectrum hit just the other day. His friend got behind in child support and like most depressed suicidal people, he hid his depression. They become masters at hiding their pain when they believe no one can help them. Arlen hit a point where he couldn't take it and put a gun in his mouth. Its up in the air if this happened in front of his 2 year old or no. What most people dont' know is that while shooting yoruself work ssome of hte time its really hard to make it work. Several people survive. His heart wouldn't give up. They go thim to the hospital where his body finally started to fail. They restarted his heart several times until it started to work. At one point Arlen woke up. This gave his family members a chance to speak to him one last time. They wispered in his ear and spoke to him thinking it would all get better. He heard. He tried to move and speak back but was unable. Instead he laid there and cried. The next day his heart gave out. I was about ot ask Ricky for an update when he came to me in the office and broke. Tears went down his cheeks as he had trouble making words. He got out the word "dead" and I instantly knew. While Ricky and I haven't really bonded yet, just hearing him I started to choke up for him. I threw my arms around him and he just cried. Out of all the relationships I've had, this broke my heart. He composed himself to tell me what was going on and how he had to get home, his babys mother was too upset to watch their kid and it was time they needed to spend together, to support eachother. I told my new manager on his first day I was leaving and would be back. Ricky told me more and more on teh drive there. I wanted to cry because I felt powerless to help him. I wanted to do anything to help him and I couldn't. We've had a few conversations since and when his friends stopped in to hang out I directed them to where Ricky was. When the higher ups came and saw we were short handed i stood up for him. Ricky needed to go and would have been no use to me in teh state he was in. I backed him up in needing the day off. THats been my only sad news in a while. Ricky and his friend but silver lining is to come and we've grown closer due to this. We get to speak and he asks me for advice and opinions where I try to offer him peace of mind. I really look forward to getting closer to him. Theres several things I recognize already in where we could benefit eachother. Examples being he needs to get away from some of hte people he knows and associates himself with. I can help with taht while he can be a friend to me. I see how he interacts and he's very protective but in a teddy bear way. He's an amazing guy whose so caring and also tries to take care of everyone. I try that. If I ever needed a shoulder I really think he'd be there. I'm really happy he came into my life.
Other than that life has just been great. For so long its just been great. I'm getting my car back from when the lady hit me MONTHS ago and I'm just nwo going to ge tmy car back tomorrow. I've made new friends and sadly had to cut others out of my life. I'm not needy anymore and more comfortable in my own skin here. Just every day is another chance to elarn more about myself myself and make this palce home. I now know my way around, I have friends. I saw one of my teachers in the hall way and he said I need to stop by to catch up. My teachers are like my friends, even ones I don't have classes with like the one I saw in the hall. I just consider him a friend. I go to see him when I'm on campus and we just hang out and shoot the breeze, its just so much fun and so amazing. I know some of hte bar rats so I can go to the local bars to grab a beer and its like a football game now where I know everyone and its a bunch of hi's and high fives and catching up and I can mingle and work the room, its so much fun. I also can just call someone up and go to a new bar if I wish and its great to just have friends that you can do that with. I feel like Brian and I really aren't as close anymore now that he's hooked up with his ex again which, I won't lie, it kinda hurts. I miss him. He was one of my main friends and now he's fading into the background with all of the other bar rats as well. So sad but I saw him the other day and we got to talk. I've made friends at several of hte other stores so when I get lonely I go cruising and visit. Its so much fun. We laugh, we talk, we catch up, I get the latest in all their lives, it rocks. I got to work in another neighboring store today and got close to both of those techs. We didn't speak much but all kind of went into our own corners but what I DID get to speak to them about was great. I now have have gained two amazing people I feel I can turn to for religious needs. If I just want to be happy about karma and how everything in my world has just been working itself out I can go to them and we discuss it. Its fun. Its great.
Sigh. I'm just happy. Everything has been working itself out and its wonderful. I've gotten a better rip on who I am and attaining friends that I feel I can myself with. I work each day to be a good person and not speak bad about others and try harder than ever to see situations threw the other persons eyes and try to tactics at appraoching bad scenarios til I find the appropriate way to deal with my techs. I've lost some friends int eh process but I'm mroe me now. I'm not trying to hold onto what jus twon't work.
My favorite thing last week was going to this Art Gallery meeting. Theres this amazing art group and one night they decided to have some really big named chefs and the editor of Bon Appetite in for interviewing where they could share the best and worst stories of their experience. I went on my won and it was SO fun. I didn't really get a chacne to meet people, it wasn't one of those places where they sensed a new-comer and all game up to greet me but I just slipped right into being oen fo them and itw as so much fun. The food was just amazing. I'm really excited to go to their next event. A lot of times they will have philisophical meetings or poetry meetings or art galleries and I can't wait to go to antoher where its more interactive and not just viewing an interview. SO much fun though. SEVERAL people there I want to know better adn have conversations with.
aaahhhh just happy. Just peace in my life. Its taken a long time but I finally feel like this is where I'm suppose to be, I'm on the right path, where I'm suppose to be at the time I'm suppose to be here and everything i sjust falling into place. Theres moments where something may disrupt my world and it just fixes itself almost immediately. This is so different for me and the pain is leaving.
My new Years Resolution last year was to just be happy. I was constantly in pain adn hurting and I just wanted to learn how to just feel happy and that was it. Just happiness and be okay with it. I did that a few times but still foudn msyelf falling back into depressions. I've worked harder to keep that up and its getting easier and easier to just be okay. It took a long time to get here and several people had to leave my life so that this was even possible and now it is and its just good. I'm good. I'm happy and its okay. Theres no part of me hurting anymore..... sigh..... its a good feeling.