GTFO & DIAF. omfg.

[devilpuff]

Thank you, thank you, thank you to the shitty white trash assholes that populated my restaurant tonight. Thank you for treating me like a goddamn golden retriever, fetching things for you at your beck and call. Absolutely, I would love to get you your 9th coke. Yes, I will put more cherries in it. Yes, i agree, it's a shame our portions are so small, it's a crying shame you cant stuff more alfredo into  your fat fucking mouth. You managed to save room for that fucking tiramisu though, didn't you? I ran my ass off, smiled at your jokes, suffered your nicotine breath and ignored the fact that you bitched about FUCKING EVERYTHING. It's too hot, it's too cold, it's too dark, the menu is too big, the type is too small, my hair is messy (i'm on my 9th hour, bitch, and it's valentines day weekend. I look good for getting more exercise today than you get in a fucking month. have some more calamari.) and everything is too expensive. You spent 11 minutes (yes, i counted, everything I do is timed to keep my tables happy, 11 minutes is a fucking eternity when you have to greet a new table within 30 seconds and you have to get drinks on the table within 2 minutes, salad on the table within 5) 11 minutes debating which salad dressing was the healthiest with me. I know all the ingredients, i know they're all horrible for you, but you continued to insist that the viniagrette dressing is healthy because it's clear. Fine, I dont care. But please shut the fuck up and get over it, i've aquired 2 new tables while you've been blathering and i can see them getting pissed because your verbal diahhrea is loud as well as vapid. SHUT UP.  Because of you, who declined to leave ANY TIP. NOT ONE CENT.  Because of you I had to virtually ignore the nice older couple who just wanted to enjoy a very expensive bottle of wine and some dessert, and i had to ignore the yuppie couple who spent well over a hundred dollars on a nice night out. Your fucking fried food spread of an appetizer, your three pizza dinner and your mound of chocolate garbage for dessert cost you a grand total 60 dollars for 5 people, and you all sucked. Fuck you and your shitty wife, your asshole kids and your ugly toddler. The toddler spend 15 minutes THROWING spaghetti against the wall to see if it would stick. You laughed, and it dried before you peeled your spread out of the booth. I had to scrub that shit off the wall with a butter knife and i broke 2 of my already stubby fingernails. GOD I HATE YOU. At least the other two kids didnt unplug their ipods or make eye contact or speak to me. I would've choked them on the spot. Please dont ever come back. Please.

Love, your exhausted, kinda drunk waitress.