There are places
There are places I remember all my life,
Though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain.
I miss back home. I miss the people, it's calling me back. Unfortunately I don't want to answer that call. There is still too much I don't want to face or remember. I dread the trip in July because I know I will have the moments I don't want to have. Everything is changing. I don't know how to react to most of it. Perhaps I've been jaded by the last couple days of my life. Whereas I've started to feel a bit more like me in the last several months since I've moved, that all changed on Thursday when I went from remember who I want to be to stepping into that person.
On thursday, my boss and I sat down and discussed if I wanted to be where I was working. I looked her in the eyes and said no. After much thought and launching my job search I went into that meeting knowing that I couldn't, in good faith, look her in the eyes and say," Yes, this is where I want to be" and then give my resignation when I found a job in a few weeks. I decided that a potential gap in my resume (although I'm not sure if that will happen, that's another story, but interviews begin on Monday) is better for me and less damaging (and in the long run no big deal) than a self-inflicted blow to my integrity. I told them what I needed to tell them.
I then went a step further and met with the President and founder of my company to thank her for the opportunity, and tell her the same thing. She told me she had a great amount of respect and admiration for me and that I was going to be extremely successful. She then offered me a reference and told me that any time I need between now and when I leave (end of April) to go to interviews I'm allowed to have. I left realizing I had taken a step to creating the professional I wish to become and that I have, in fact, gained confidence and independence in the last 9 months. I was, and am, extremely proud of me.
All these places have their moments
Of lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I loved them all.
I haven't been contact back East as much and they haven't been contacting me. I've found more and more who I'll keep in touch with and and who I won't. Who I can not speak to for several weeks and barely notice (because when we do talk things are just normal and like we've been talking every day) and who I can not speak to for several weeks and have it be akward when we do talk. I'm learning which of my friends I have things in common with, and which I'm just grabbing the past with. I'm seeing who cares about me as I am and who cares about me as I was. I'm making my list of who I will make the effort and take the time to see and who is going to have to make the effort themselves when I'm back east. Cocky? Bitchy? Obnoxious? Perhaps, but it's my life, and if I'm home for a mere week, I'm going to spend it with the people who matter.
And with all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these mem'ries lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
And I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them.
In my life I loved you more.
And perhaps your influence is a key role in this. I am for the first time realizing the extent to which someone can have faith in another person, as for the first time in my life, someone looked me in the eyes and said," I know you'll make the right decision, and whatever it is, I will stand behind you." and meant it. Your unwavering confidence in me helps me realize that there is a reason you are confident in me, and that is because I am strong and I have potential. It is from the bottom of my heart that I thank you for standing by me and helping me through this time. I love you.
Though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain.
I miss back home. I miss the people, it's calling me back. Unfortunately I don't want to answer that call. There is still too much I don't want to face or remember. I dread the trip in July because I know I will have the moments I don't want to have. Everything is changing. I don't know how to react to most of it. Perhaps I've been jaded by the last couple days of my life. Whereas I've started to feel a bit more like me in the last several months since I've moved, that all changed on Thursday when I went from remember who I want to be to stepping into that person.
On thursday, my boss and I sat down and discussed if I wanted to be where I was working. I looked her in the eyes and said no. After much thought and launching my job search I went into that meeting knowing that I couldn't, in good faith, look her in the eyes and say," Yes, this is where I want to be" and then give my resignation when I found a job in a few weeks. I decided that a potential gap in my resume (although I'm not sure if that will happen, that's another story, but interviews begin on Monday) is better for me and less damaging (and in the long run no big deal) than a self-inflicted blow to my integrity. I told them what I needed to tell them.
I then went a step further and met with the President and founder of my company to thank her for the opportunity, and tell her the same thing. She told me she had a great amount of respect and admiration for me and that I was going to be extremely successful. She then offered me a reference and told me that any time I need between now and when I leave (end of April) to go to interviews I'm allowed to have. I left realizing I had taken a step to creating the professional I wish to become and that I have, in fact, gained confidence and independence in the last 9 months. I was, and am, extremely proud of me.
All these places have their moments
Of lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I loved them all.
I haven't been contact back East as much and they haven't been contacting me. I've found more and more who I'll keep in touch with and and who I won't. Who I can not speak to for several weeks and barely notice (because when we do talk things are just normal and like we've been talking every day) and who I can not speak to for several weeks and have it be akward when we do talk. I'm learning which of my friends I have things in common with, and which I'm just grabbing the past with. I'm seeing who cares about me as I am and who cares about me as I was. I'm making my list of who I will make the effort and take the time to see and who is going to have to make the effort themselves when I'm back east. Cocky? Bitchy? Obnoxious? Perhaps, but it's my life, and if I'm home for a mere week, I'm going to spend it with the people who matter.
And with all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these mem'ries lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
And I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them.
In my life I loved you more.
And perhaps your influence is a key role in this. I am for the first time realizing the extent to which someone can have faith in another person, as for the first time in my life, someone looked me in the eyes and said," I know you'll make the right decision, and whatever it is, I will stand behind you." and meant it. Your unwavering confidence in me helps me realize that there is a reason you are confident in me, and that is because I am strong and I have potential. It is from the bottom of my heart that I thank you for standing by me and helping me through this time. I love you.