Crazy Hip Blog Mamas Collaboration #50
It’s been forever since I made a CHBM collaboration post! But since I am NaBloPoMo-ing, and trying to get back into the swing of things with all the bloggers and blog groups I love, I figured this was as good a time as any to jump back into the fray.
This weeks’s topic is “Hardest Words To Hear From A Friend”.
I confess I’ve been very lucky in this respect, as my friends have not told me anything upsetting in quite some time. In fact, it’s been years since I heard anything really ‘hard’ or upsetting from a friend, and that was when my best friend at the time kept telling me there was something wrong with my oldest son.
Well, for starters, no one wants to hear that others think there is something ‘wrong with’ their child. Especially when they are already dealing with said child and trying to figure out what’s going on with them. What she was talking about was how wild my oldest was. He was in kindergarten at the time, and hyper, rambunctious, and loud. He wasn’t mean or intentionally disruptive or destructive. He just could not sit still, nor, it seemed, could he be calm or quiet to save his life. He was very shortly thereafter diagnosed with ADHD and medicated (until I realized his meds were doing nothing for him but suppressing his appetite and I took him off!).
It was definitely hard to hear something like this from a friend. I know she felt close enough to me to say something to me about my son’s behavior and what others were saying about it. I just was really turned off by the words she chose to use with me. When she said something was ‘wrong’ with my rowdy (yet healthy and completely NORMAL) little boy, something inside me just snapped. Our friendship was never the same after that, even though I knew she didn’t mean it to sound as terrible as it did. But it also made me paranoid about what my other friends were saying about me and him behind my back. It made me not want to make any new friends or have anything to do with the old ones because I didn’t want to give anyone, friend or not, any gossip fodder about us.
It also made me NEVER get too deeply into what goes on with my kids and I, when in conversations with friends. Sure, I may go into a tiny bit of detail if I feel the need to vent. But I will never get into the whole of it when the situation is bad, with anyone. Nor will I ask for parenting advice. My kids and I have been through enough, and I really see no need to pile additional judgement (whether intentional or not) on us.
For the most part, my kids don’t give me much trouble. And I really do feel comfortable venting the small, irritating things to my friends if they’re willing to let me, or spill it in my blog. But if and when we have more serious issues, I’m keeping them to myself or a therapist!
And for what it’s worth….the kid who had ’something wrong’ with him? Is now a healthy, happy teenager. An A/B honor student with many friends, who excels in sports and is an extremely hard worker. He has his moments, as all teenagers do. But let me tell you, his mama couldn’t be more proud!
Visit the Crazy Hip Blog Mamas.
(Link to collaboration post coming as soon as it’s up!)
Originally published at devilishsouthernbelle.net. You can comment here or there.