I Feel So Damn Horrible
I think i'm suffering from sleep deprevation. I stay up all night just so i can hang out with as many of my friends as possible to try and please them. I don't mind trying to hang out with my friends i just hate how my body is slowly going to hell. This whole kidney shit is starting to become more and more noticable as well. I stayed out until 3 in the morning at Jessi's it was pretty fun, we watched Fight Club and i sat enamored because she was quoting the entire movie word for word. Jessi's a pretty cool person i find myself relating to her quite well, and don't worry for all those people who think i'm a whore Jessi has a boyfriend.
I've noticed quite a change in myself as far as personality as of late. I haven't been able to tell whether or not the change is good though. I was pretty cross with a friend of mine yesterday but that is irrelevant, they deserve most of what they get for they put themself in the situation. I've also noticed that the things i used to care the most about have become the things i do not care about. My friends are still important and everything but as far as buying my own house and owning bad ass cars and whatnot i don't care. I could live in apartment 109 and drive that 96 Monte Carlo for the rest of my life and i would be perfectly content. I've lost faith and hope in most things but i do believe it was for the best.
I guess you could say i was inslaved by my hope. Hoping that this would happen or that i could buy this kept me miserable because i was always thinking of the things i knew damn well would never come to pass. Jessi just walked passed to door to my office and the mere sound of her voice made me smile, i think i like her but once again this is another wishful thinking thing that i am going to let go by the wayside for if i hope she will become available i will become depressed when she does not.
And lastly before i hit update on this thing. I'm sorry to everyone i have dissapointed and let down as a result of this new "i don't give a fuck attitude that I have". And mostly I am sorry Kelly Portman for every last painful feeling i have caused you. I was absolutely foolish and due to my hope i went after something i should have known was just out of the question. My main problem was as much as i knew it wasn't the truth i still wanted to believe that in this day and time when someone kisses someone else it meant something more than friendship, but i was idiotic in believing that, for society today kiss, hug, fuck, etc... just for the hell of it. I also find myself shutting down to the concept of love which i don't seem to mind all too much for love for me was always a failure. Love has always been a venue for pain. I just long for the old days Kelly, the days when you and i were really close and becoming closer with each day. Back when I had your back and you had mine. I know our conversation lastnight mended things between us but i still can't help feeling that i have a asshole stamp on my forehead now. If you feel that i am and that i cannot be trusted i shall not try to sway your opinion. And no matter how much of an ass hole one might think I am, i will stick by your side when no one else in this world will my dear.
-Wes
I've noticed quite a change in myself as far as personality as of late. I haven't been able to tell whether or not the change is good though. I was pretty cross with a friend of mine yesterday but that is irrelevant, they deserve most of what they get for they put themself in the situation. I've also noticed that the things i used to care the most about have become the things i do not care about. My friends are still important and everything but as far as buying my own house and owning bad ass cars and whatnot i don't care. I could live in apartment 109 and drive that 96 Monte Carlo for the rest of my life and i would be perfectly content. I've lost faith and hope in most things but i do believe it was for the best.
I guess you could say i was inslaved by my hope. Hoping that this would happen or that i could buy this kept me miserable because i was always thinking of the things i knew damn well would never come to pass. Jessi just walked passed to door to my office and the mere sound of her voice made me smile, i think i like her but once again this is another wishful thinking thing that i am going to let go by the wayside for if i hope she will become available i will become depressed when she does not.
And lastly before i hit update on this thing. I'm sorry to everyone i have dissapointed and let down as a result of this new "i don't give a fuck attitude that I have". And mostly I am sorry Kelly Portman for every last painful feeling i have caused you. I was absolutely foolish and due to my hope i went after something i should have known was just out of the question. My main problem was as much as i knew it wasn't the truth i still wanted to believe that in this day and time when someone kisses someone else it meant something more than friendship, but i was idiotic in believing that, for society today kiss, hug, fuck, etc... just for the hell of it. I also find myself shutting down to the concept of love which i don't seem to mind all too much for love for me was always a failure. Love has always been a venue for pain. I just long for the old days Kelly, the days when you and i were really close and becoming closer with each day. Back when I had your back and you had mine. I know our conversation lastnight mended things between us but i still can't help feeling that i have a asshole stamp on my forehead now. If you feel that i am and that i cannot be trusted i shall not try to sway your opinion. And no matter how much of an ass hole one might think I am, i will stick by your side when no one else in this world will my dear.
-Wes