Abengers! Extra: Clint Barton's Triple Chocolate Cookies

Jan 05, 2012 21:18

For those who have been waiting, Semaphore has finally been added to my works at AO3. (Because I'm a compulsive editor, and because I found a few typos after I posted, this version is sliiiightly changed from what you may have seen if you read it here.) I've also included a little extra goodie. This isn't really a story, but it isn't really just a recipe, either. I just had some fun picturing what it might be like when Clint bakes cookies.



His preternatural powers of accuracy must somehow extend to baking, because he never seems to use any kind of measuring utensil, yet each batch turns out perfectly, and each cookie is precisely the same size.

Clint Barton's Triple Chocolate Cookies

Ingredients:

4 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup Dutch-processed cocoa powder
Enough baking powder to cover that scar on the palm of your hand where an arrow went through it
1 teaspoon salt
8 large eggs
4 teaspoons instant coffee or espresso powder (don’t let Tony find out you brought instant coffee into his house)
2.5 sticks unsalted butter, softened but still cool
3 cups packed light brown sugar
7 ounces granulated sugar
Vanilla extract dumped from the bottle until it feels like enough
32 oz semisweet chocolate, chopped with whatever knife you have in your boot that day
1,248 semisweet chocolate chips (eyeball it)
1.5 cups chopped pecans (optional, leave out if Hulk will eat-he's allergic)
1 crossbow
4 to 8 flashbangs

Instructions:

Have Jarvis set up perimeter alert around kitchen. Check to make sure no one’s taken the cookie sheets to use for target practice. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Sift together the flour, cocoa, baking powder, and salt in a medium bowl. Set aside.

Melt the chopped chocolate until smooth. Tony will inevitably be drawn to the kitchen at this point and attempt to stick his fingers in it; deploy flashbangs as necessary.

In a small bowl, beat the eggs and vanilla lightly with a fork, sprinkle the coffee powder over to dissolve, and set aside.

Beat the butter by hand until smooth and creamy, then beat in the sugars until combined. Switch arms halfway through so you work them both. Gradually beat in the egg mixture until incorporated. Add the chocolate in a steady stream and beat until combined. (If Bruce is Hulked, make two batches of this mixture and set one out on the kitchen table as a decoy. It will disappear and you will find the empty bowl under the couch later. That’s okay.)

Add the dry ingredients and mix until just combined. Fold in the chocolate chips. Cover with plastic wrap and set on counter. Find best vantage point in kitchen (suggestion: top of refrigerator) and assume sniper position with crossbow while dough stands at room temperature for 30 minutes. Dough should now be scoopable and fudge-like.

Line cookie sheets with parchment paper. Scoop the dough with a 1¾-inch cookie scoop, spacing the mounds about one arrowhead apart.

Bake until the edges of the cookies have just begun to set but the centers are still very soft, about 10 minutes. DO NOT TAKE YOUR EYES OFF THE REMAINING DOUGH.

Cool the cookies on the sheets about 10 minutes, then move to wire racks and let cool to room temperature. This will be most vulnerable time period for your cookies. It’s probably best to just let Steve and Thor burn their tongues so they will leave you alone to finish the rest in peace.

Continue to bake cookies until all the dough is gone. (Tip: surrendering the last few scoops of uncooked dough to Natasha saves everyone a lot of hassle and blood loss.)

Yield:

In the end, about 14 cookies. If you’re lucky.

(Adapted from this recipe.)



Commissioned by the lovely daemonicangel
Drawn by the wonderful ashwara

<3 <3 <3

Count von Count would like you to know that over at Dreamwidth this post has
comments! Ah ha ha ha ha!

abengers!

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