(no subject)
So I spent the day at Brandons and i was kind of hoping Rory was going to come over, but he was watching the game. So anyways I went out with my mom and sisters and got ice cream but Rory and his friends picked me up. I dont know why but i always get really uncomfortable around his friends i cant even pretend i am the least bit comfortable I feel like I am pretending to be someone i am not so i just end up sitting there. Most of his friends, like Ashley and those people use to make fun of me in highschool I DO NOT want to hang out with them EVER i dont want to pretend like i was ever friends with them and yeah whatever it may be a bit of holding on to the past but i am not about to befriend anyone i cannot trust, so anyways i left his house and i went home to do my project. Which ended up getting him pissed off and yes i realize i shouldnt have left the way i did but whatever i did. So he ended up calling me, pissed off, and so it got me pissed off. I feel that he can make all the plans he wants with Matt and people and i should sit home, so usually i ask him " what are you doing tonight?" then he tells me his plans and if he goes out i make plans. I am just so frustrated right now i cant even concentrate on my damn homework. I dont want him to think i am "pushing him away" but i need to be with my friends, i dont want to stay home. alone. thats the last thing i need. god i cant believe i lost my internship...hah and i dont even want to tell Rory because he always says he feels like my therapist so i dont want to tell him...sucks because the only one i can really talk to was brandon. I am so glad he is here i dont know what i would do without him. it was so funny today, i kept talking in sign language and he was like "AHHH talk what are you doing" so i told him i was using ASL if i go deaf...lol so he said "if you go deaf then i wont be able to talk to you" and i said why not and he said " just think about it" then he tried to move his arms....i was like oh yeah you cant use your hands...he was like god damn you are blonde...okay so i am going to try to get some work done and not think about Rory.