(no subject)
So its been a while since I last updated.
Nothing too big has happened. My birthday was a week ago and it was the best birthday I’ve had. I have so many good friends I can always count on. I also started working at Baskin Robbins. The job has been good so far, but there are some really rude people some times, well you cant do anything about it other than smile and be nice!
There’s so much on my mind, I just cant put it all into words. So much confusion. I’ve been very touchy lately, everything gets to me. Things people do or say really affect me. I’ve been having the gayest mood swings!
I think I’ve been this way because the people around me are just getting to me. I absolutely hate Jackson. I don’t like the people there, I don’t like the vibe there, everyone is so negative and depressed, its so sad. People have their own little gay groups thinking there cool, or others just are stupid. I’m a different person at school, when I get home and hang out alone with my friends its so much fun, and as everyday goes by I realize how much I want to get out of this place. Half the people at my school don’t even know who I am!
Life has been so stressful lately. I don’t even know how to put it into words. I’m happy, but I’m not. I love my family, and my girlfriends. Its just there’s something missing , ugh I don’t know what is it!!!!! Lately my answer to everything is “I don’t know” cause honestly I don’t know……hopefully things will improve, I gotta look on the bright side.
One thing that is good right now is this guy. He treats me so good…soooo good! He says the sweetest things ever, he gives me what any girl wishes for. I don’t know what to do about him though, I’m not used to being treated so good. I’ve been used to a jerk, I always am attracted to guys who are mean to me….sad to say…but its true. I have something so good right in front of me but I keep pushing him away. I don’t want to hurt him, and I truly wanna be with him, he’s such a great guy, but a part of me is scared. I’ve been hurt before and a part of me knows I’m going to get hurt again….and I’m not strong enough to go through it again just yet. He tells me he completely trusts me, and I trust him to…I don’t want to, but I do. I just don’t want him to hurt me…
I’m so confused about everything……………everything.