Here Without You...
Ya I know it has been awhile again since I have posted to you my livejournal. I should be keeping you more up to date then what I do and I am sorry for neglecting you. Right now though I need a friend more then anything in this world.
I feel so broken down inside, I feel like there may be nothing left in this world that keeps me going. I keep trying to think on the positive outlook on everything but it does not seem to be working. Each time everything seems to be going well something is thrown into my spokes you can say and everything just falls down around me. I have been sitting here in this house the past few days and trying to think of everything that will make me happy and instead I just wind up curling up in bed and crying myself to sleep. It seems here that the people that I think are my friends truely arent friends at all. It is not like anyone takes the time to listen to what is bothering me, or trying to help me find solutions for my problems. I find myself wandering the streets late at night trying to think about my problems and finding the solutions for them, but I always come to that dead end that there is maybe nothing that will help me. Next week I make an appointment for the doctor to see what the fuck is going wrong in my head. Hopefully that will start to answer some of my problems and allow me to see in a new light, but I dont think that will even help. Hell I have a funny feeling I will be sent to the funny farm for a long while because of the stuff that is in my head. Maybe I am just a screwed up kid still and not an adult like I keep trying to be.
I keep thinking of her... there is one face that has been haunting my dreams and even when I sit here now I can see her face. I miss her, I miss her more then anything and I wish I could have her here with me right now. I miss her laugh, I miss her smile, and I miss just being in her presence. There where nights I would swear she was there laying in bed with me. I could feel the heat of her skin, I could feel the softness of it. I could smell her so clearly and then when I opened my eyes she was never there. Is that a sign of maybe I am to be alone again? Without anyone that really cares and wants what is best for me. One of the people that wanted me to achieve my dreams and go for them. She always wanted to see me succeed, and I know if she saw me the way I am now it would break her heart... I miss her and I need her, but that feels like something that will never happen again. She is down in Missouri and I am here in Canada. I am trying my hardest, to get my schooling done, to try and find out what I want to do for a career and I am still lost. The drive that once was my being seems to be slowly slipping away and leaving me drifting in the middle of the ocean. All you see is water, no land no nothing just slowly floating on the waves and trying to find the way back home. But the question is where is home?
I will write to you again soon my friend I promise...
I feel so broken down inside, I feel like there may be nothing left in this world that keeps me going. I keep trying to think on the positive outlook on everything but it does not seem to be working. Each time everything seems to be going well something is thrown into my spokes you can say and everything just falls down around me. I have been sitting here in this house the past few days and trying to think of everything that will make me happy and instead I just wind up curling up in bed and crying myself to sleep. It seems here that the people that I think are my friends truely arent friends at all. It is not like anyone takes the time to listen to what is bothering me, or trying to help me find solutions for my problems. I find myself wandering the streets late at night trying to think about my problems and finding the solutions for them, but I always come to that dead end that there is maybe nothing that will help me. Next week I make an appointment for the doctor to see what the fuck is going wrong in my head. Hopefully that will start to answer some of my problems and allow me to see in a new light, but I dont think that will even help. Hell I have a funny feeling I will be sent to the funny farm for a long while because of the stuff that is in my head. Maybe I am just a screwed up kid still and not an adult like I keep trying to be.
I keep thinking of her... there is one face that has been haunting my dreams and even when I sit here now I can see her face. I miss her, I miss her more then anything and I wish I could have her here with me right now. I miss her laugh, I miss her smile, and I miss just being in her presence. There where nights I would swear she was there laying in bed with me. I could feel the heat of her skin, I could feel the softness of it. I could smell her so clearly and then when I opened my eyes she was never there. Is that a sign of maybe I am to be alone again? Without anyone that really cares and wants what is best for me. One of the people that wanted me to achieve my dreams and go for them. She always wanted to see me succeed, and I know if she saw me the way I am now it would break her heart... I miss her and I need her, but that feels like something that will never happen again. She is down in Missouri and I am here in Canada. I am trying my hardest, to get my schooling done, to try and find out what I want to do for a career and I am still lost. The drive that once was my being seems to be slowly slipping away and leaving me drifting in the middle of the ocean. All you see is water, no land no nothing just slowly floating on the waves and trying to find the way back home. But the question is where is home?
I will write to you again soon my friend I promise...