(no subject)
So on my little 'break' back in OH I was living with my mom again. And all these people I hadn't seen in forever [which there are much much more than just them, it seems around my mom there's so many people I remember being around that aren't, ah well.] Namely was one of my many cousins. We sat and talked for a few minutes, and that was it.
Well, my mom made a few comments, and they reminded me how close my cousin and I used to be. I'm not positive on the year that we're about to go back to, because it was in the period of my life my mom was 'on the run,' which meant no school or any sort of activity like that for a while, so everything is fuzzy. Days Of Thunder had come on HBO, so I'm guessing.. 1991.
The place is known as 'The Hill,' it is home to most of the hillbillies who hold out on the old ways, guns, and racism mostly. Metal bathtubs in the backyard, bunch of rusty shit in the front yard, including the car. You could tell the drug dealer's houses, because they had backyard in ground pools, and drove Vets. It's a fairly wild place, period. Even the smallest of the kids are rowdy.
The Hill sits right in the middle of Hamilton, and our township. It rises up, and then right back down into the back roads. Forest and scrap metal run all around it, like some sort of land marker, each time you go past, around, or through it you're going around The Hill. It might sound terrible to you, but people around here are so used to it. Even before this place got really industrialized it was known as Gobbler's Knob. Home to turkeys and mad preachers. So the place has this crazy history, along with the ever present crazy energy.
A good way to describe the home we stayed in was it was built on ground level, but because the way the hill is shaped, a second level was added just below it, starting halfway. There was a privacy fence around it, and there was two ways down into the backyard. I preferred the climb down, which was a stack of concrete blocks, some of them sticking out, which at the time my limbs were able to reach.. So yay, I loved to climb. The second way into the backyard was a set of steps, which narrowly led you to a softer spot of the incline.
That backyard houses a lot of memories for me. It wasn't the first time, or the last time I'd come back there.
My condition in those days was numb, if you can believe it. I already knew there are some memories I don't want to think about. So I pushed them out of my head, and just began to enjoy everyday things, because, here was this trampoline, and my cousin and her friend to keep me company. When you're young, things answer themselves. They did for me. [you'll notice a pattern I'm about to touch on soon.]
My cousin was.. 12 or 13 I guess. Her friend practically lived with her, because her home life was terrible. At first I would just play with the only two transformers I was able to scavenge, Galvatron and Blaster. The girls would go out, and I would just watch TV, play nintendo, or play with my other cousin's foam nunchucks.
I didn't notice it, but it seems I had been wearing the same clothes for the last week, and had no others, so my auntie dug out a bunch of old clothes, and let me pick out what to wear. I picked out an R2-D2 shirt, first of all. I didn't know those things on the sides of it were frillies. It was a girl's shirt.
My cousin got a kick out of this, and began to take interest in me. Soon enough I was hanging out with them, running the streets and learning all I could from these girls. I can best describe them as in the period in between girlhood, and womanhood.. But with this over inflated ego. They believed themselves the best looking in the whole neighborhood, and the smartest. They acted like royalty, and I would just follow behind them.
I have this aura around me, that I can just not seem out of place, so like instead of being "the annoying little brother" or something when they were around other kids, I was just not even paid attention to. OR maybe my cousin just told them not to say anything, I don't know. My attention was limited to these two girls, they became my world.
And their friends would lead us all over 'The Hill,' wrecked airplane scrap, rows of chicken coops, and this old ass factory that was so covered in graffiti on the inside, it looked like an ocean. One of these journeys resulted in my first tastes of nostalgia! One of those trips took us into the field by the bottling plant, which led through some bushes and in the backyard of the trailer park my family had lived in years before.
Sneaking out, lying, the secrets of men and women, stealing, and even manipulation. I loved them so much. They would let me sleep in the bed with them, and curl their hair around my fingers. I had never felt that kind of acceptance, from anyone besides my mom.
Then it's all gone. Like many of those small sanctuaries in my youth, it didn't last long. One thing I did notice, is that, for the most part females have shaped me. Through them, or around them, I've experienced quite a bit for my little mind.
So I'm not going to Kuwait. And I live in North Carolina now. These are the changes, and fall updates I expect you to apply to your knowledge of me. Take care.